When I was growing up my DM was obsessed with “the tone, the TONE”. She still doesn’t tolerate raised voices well and takes it as a personal insult. I generally get on very well with my DM but I often felt like what I said was never so important as how I said it, with the result I often felt I wasn’t listened to.
In my DH’s family, on the other hand, they just let everything out and I’m often shocked at how DH and DFIL scream at each other, yet love each other dearly. They also delight in winding-up and piss-take, the pleasure in which I’ve never understood. I am not often on the receiving end but DCs are, and it gets the “expected” response which is often extremely rude pushback.
My DD14 in particular can be appallingly rude to DH, and while I used to try to correct it I’m tired of being monkey in the middle, and I devote my energies to the way she relates to me, which is something over which I have more control. DH doesn’t particularly like the way she talks to him but I’ve told him he brings it on himself.
In relating to both my DCs (DS16 as well, who has always been better able to brush off DH’s windups), I don’t get obsessed with their tone but I do make it clear I expect respect. In return I try to make them understand that I will hear WHAT they are saying so they don’t have to get so frustrated they shout. I am on the whole reasonably happy with the way they talk to me. It isn’t perfect but it’s pretty good for a parent-teenager relationship I think.