Neighbour swore at my teenage son

[G121]

I just wanted some advice about how to deal with a neighbour please.

I have two boys aged 10 and 14 who mainly enjoy playing football and cricket. My 14 year old enjoys playing basketball too so we have basketball ring in our garden. He plays maybe twice a week (depending on weather and homework) for about 30-45minutes a session.

As it was a Friday yesterday and the weather was nice, he decided to have a quick game outside during half time of the Euro game, which was about 8.45pm. So he was only playing outside for about 15minutes and one of the neighbours shouted ‘stop bouncing that f*ing ball’ over a fence. First it was the lady and then the man thought he would have a go too. Now I know the thudding of a ball can get quite annoying and usually he plays earlier in the day, but it wasn’t very late and I just think there was no need to swear at him. He came in and told us and his dad went mad and went out and shouted something back over the fence. He told our son to carry on playing, but he didn’t want to continue and seemed quite shocked that he had been sworn at while he felt he wasn’t doing anything wrong. My husband decided to have a quick game himself and started bouncing the ball again and nothing more was said. However he wants to go round and have it out with them this morning.

Their house backs on to ours, and it’s their front garden that backs on our back garden, so they are not neighbours we see daily. My son was nowhere near their fence and was basically minding his own business. During lockdown they would often get drunk and create chaos in the evenings. Shouting at each other, swearing etc. And although this was annoying for us, we didn’t feel the need to complain to them about it. I feel quite annoyed by this, but I don’t want to go to war with my neighbours over a ball game. My husband says I’m showing our son not to stand up for himself, but I feel my husband shouting back over the fence and continuing to play for another 15minutes made the point and maybe we should just leave it there. Going forwards, I don’t want my sons to be scared to play in our garden either.

What would you do? Any advice would be appreciated.

Get your son to play his favourite music to down out the sound of the ball. Do this a few times, then they'll be glad to just hear the ball.

Your husband was being petty, and that’s what your son has seen from his father.
A quiet word, when everyone is calm, about not swearing at a minor.

Drown out

Your husband is escalating the situation. They shouldn't have sworn at your son but him going round to "have it out" with people who are known for dodgy, drunken behaviour is not going to end well.

Your husband is a cock and escalating this unnecessarily.
Any moral high ground you had from the unreasonable swearing is gone.

I have teens and wouldn’t allow them to do this. They should go to a basketball court. The constant thudding of a basketball is highly irritating and antisocial in a residential area. You sound just as bad as your neighbours!

The thud thud thud of the basketball May drive them nutty. It would do many people. Don't let him play at home, send him to the badketball court.

Dh handled it badly. He should have been calm and asked them not to swear at ds. He lost his upperhand at that point.

Your husband's reaction was pathetic. Advise him against going round to avoid any further embarrassment.

It’s their front garden and they kicked up such an issue?
I’d encourage your son to still use his garden in sociable hours and ignore the neighbours - if they were closer neighbours or your shared a back garden connection I’d be inclined to want to defuse the situation.

My similar age son only has to bounce a football or basketball outside our house about three times and the noise drives me mad. It’s so loud. I would never allow him to do it after about 8pm (or earlier in the week) as it’s is incredibly annoying. I’d be unhappy for a neighbour to swear at him.

It’s so annoying. Your DH is a knob.

There is nothing worse than the thud thud bounce of a basketball. I would actively not buy a house if I saw a basketball ring in a neighbouring garden. It's the most anti-social of things to use in a garden. I have great sympathy with the neighbours.

They've obviously been putting up with it for a long time, and finally snapped.

"still use his garden in sociable hours"

I completely disagree with this. How is the thud of a basketball sociable? It's not. At any time if the day.

8.45pm is far too late to be banging a ball around.

They definitely should not have sworn at your ds, but your dh's reaction was ridiculous and stupid. as pps say, this is only going to escalate now.

You and your dh created the situation by allowing your ds to play basketball at an unsociable time. That thumping is bloody annoying.

Neighbour overreacted by swearing instead of politely asking your ds to stop.

Your dh then escalated the whole situation and behaved like a complete twat.

Nobody comes out of this well.

Find a basketball court.

15 minutes of basketball at that time of day is perfectly acceptable. I'd go for a quiet word, and have one with your husband too. Children near me play with theirs regularly, it's annoying but a perfectly normal childhood noise so I ignore it and concentrate on the fact it's nice to see children playing.

Basketball should be punishable by death in gardens unless you live in a detached house on "land".

Im with your neighbour on this one.

It is a really annoying sound to be fair - I remember being kept awake by neighbours across the (wide) street playing when I was primary aged. Obviously the neighbours didn't handle it well.

A ball bouncing is so bloody annoying, it grates on me after a few minutes.
Earlier in the day, I'd not love it, but accept its part of living with neighbours.
8:45 at night when I'm more chilled and watching TV. I'd be a lot more frustrated.

They were wrong to swear. Your DH behaved like a prize dick too though. Escalating the situation rather than calmly just addressing it this morning.

Neighbour shouldn't have sworn. But a bouncing basket ball for 15 mins on a Friday night when you are trying to wind down for the weekend might make me swear too. Especially if you normally have to put up with it for 30-45 mins. It's torture.
You can use a basket ball hoop without having to bounce it constantly. Bounce it at the park. Your DS was being as anti-social as the neighbour IMO.

I feel like 8.45 is a bit late for that annoying thump.

Your neighbors absolutely shouldn't have sworn at your son. However, what on earth is your husband trying to achieve? Making your son into an entitled asshole?

Your husband is a petty dick. He didn’t ‘decide to have a quick game himself‘ because he genuinely wanted to, he did it to antagonise.

My neighbour has a hoop right outside our house for everyone to use 🤨. Very antisocial.
Sorry missing the point of the thread, just glad to see it grates on others too.

YABU to think the thudding of a basketball at 8.45 at night is alright - it's irritating and I can understand your neighbours reaction to a certain extent (not the swearing). Your husband had every right to give them a piece of his mind bit to continue playing for 15 mins after? That's just childish. It's a simple case of letting your child play an annoyingly loud game at a reasonable hour. Leave it be now.