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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Neighbour swore at my teenage son

123 replies

G121 · 12/06/2021 07:48

I just wanted some advice about how to deal with a neighbour please.

I have two boys aged 10 and 14 who mainly enjoy playing football and cricket. My 14 year old enjoys playing basketball too so we have basketball ring in our garden. He plays maybe twice a week (depending on weather and homework) for about 30-45minutes a session.

As it was a Friday yesterday and the weather was nice, he decided to have a quick game outside during half time of the Euro game, which was about 8.45pm. So he was only playing outside for about 15minutes and one of the neighbours shouted ‘stop bouncing that f*ing ball’ over a fence. First it was the lady and then the man thought he would have a go too. Now I know the thudding of a ball can get quite annoying and usually he plays earlier in the day, but it wasn’t very late and I just think there was no need to swear at him. He came in and told us and his dad went mad and went out and shouted something back over the fence. He told our son to carry on playing, but he didn’t want to continue and seemed quite shocked that he had been sworn at while he felt he wasn’t doing anything wrong. My husband decided to have a quick game himself and started bouncing the ball again and nothing more was said. However he wants to go round and have it out with them this morning.

Their house backs on to ours, and it’s their front garden that backs on our back garden, so they are not neighbours we see daily. My son was nowhere near their fence and was basically minding his own business. During lockdown they would often get drunk and create chaos in the evenings. Shouting at each other, swearing etc. And although this was annoying for us, we didn’t feel the need to complain to them about it. I feel quite annoyed by this, but I don’t want to go to war with my neighbours over a ball game. My husband says I’m showing our son not to stand up for himself, but I feel my husband shouting back over the fence and continuing to play for another 15minutes made the point and maybe we should just leave it there. Going forwards, I don’t want my sons to be scared to play in our garden either.

What would you do? Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:

Zampa · 12/06/2021 13:19

People on this thread are being absolutely ridiculous. A child playing outdoors should be welcomed and encouraged, whether it's playing basketball and football, riding scooters or just calling to each other.

It's summer and they should be out until dusk.

NutellaEllaElla · 12/06/2021 13:37

@Zampa

It's summer and they should be out until dusk.

Absolutely! It's a basketball, not loud music, smoking, shouting/singing etc. All of which I can expect to hear from various neighbours especially in summer and I can't do anything about it because it's allowed.

thismummylovescake · 12/06/2021 14:01

All the people posting saying bouncing a ball in your own garden is unreasonable.. I'd love to know what you played with as kids. Presumably you just sat nice and quietly on the grass everyday without ever making a sound??

MaMelon · 12/06/2021 14:04

Yeah, that’s exactly what we did @thismummylovescake There was literally nothing else to do apart from bounce a basketball on concrete for 45 minutes at a time of an evening in our suburban bank gardens.

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/06/2021 14:05

Oh yes, I absolutely adore hearing a child thumping a ball repeatedly against my fence at 9pm or so. It’s not antisocial at all. Neither would any accompanying swearing over the fence on my part be either though, after all at 14 it’s doubtful it’s the first time he’s ever heard the word fucking in his life. And if he can thump away until well after dark, I can swear merrily away too.

LolaSmiles · 12/06/2021 14:06

thismummylovescake
I think by mid evening it is reasonable for all neighbours to dial the noise back a bit. I don't think it's OK to be playing basketball with the repetitive bouncing at 8.45pm and I also don't think it's appropriate for adults to be shouting.

I don't get some of the bizarre attitudes to garden noise on here most of the time, but I also don't follow the idea on this thread that because one set of neighbours are noisy, I'll show zero consideration for all my other neighbours.

thismummylovescake · 12/06/2021 14:12

@MaMelon

Yeah, that’s exactly what we did *@thismummylovescake*

There was literally nothing else to do apart from bounce a basketball on concrete for 45 minutes at a time of an evening in our suburban bank gardens.

My point is did you never shout? Sing? Play football? Play music ect? All of this can be annoying noises but when you live near neighbours that what you have to expect. It's unfair to expect children to be quiet all evening. I understand if it's after about 10pm but in the summer I think you need to expect all sorts of noises from children outside playing. I have two very young children so mine aren't out late in the evenings yet but That doesn't mean I sit Inside begrudging all the noise the neighbourhood kids make. I think some adults just forget that we were all noisy children once. Give them a break

VettiyaIruken · 12/06/2021 14:14

Re what to do, I don't think you need to do anything at this point.

They yelled at your son and your husband went storming out and yelled at them then started bouncing the ball himself. Given that you say they are loud, sweaty and scene making then I think you can assume they are likely to have judged your husband by their own standards and if so then his behaviour would have been interpreted by them as him daring them to come and say something. They stayed silent which likely means they felt intimidated or fearful that it could escalate further. I think there's less chance of them yelling again if this is how they now view him.

Of course this is just my take on it and I could be waaaaaay off but having grown up on a rough estate I have seen plenty of shouting matches and men puffing up at each other and your description sounds like countless I've seen or heard.

MaMelon · 12/06/2021 14:19

My point is did you never shout? Sing? Play football? Play music ect?

At 14? No, I didn’t shout and sing in my parents back garden as we weren’t allowed and we didn’t have any inclination to anyway, football was played in the park, and music was played inside when my friends and I were listening to it.

Younger children playing is very different but I didn’t allow them to shout, scream, play music or make a racket for 45 minutes straight without telling them to keep the noise down.

thismummylovescake · 12/06/2021 15:15

@MaMelon

My point is did you never shout? Sing? Play football? Play music ect?

Younger children playing is very different but I didn’t allow them to shout, scream, play music or make a racket for 45 minutes straight without telling them to keep the noise down.

Sounds like a really fun childhood.

MaMelon · 12/06/2021 15:25

Yes it was thanks - a brilliant 70s childhood and 80s teenage years. Wouldn’t change it for the world

MrsBongiovi · 12/06/2021 15:29

Sounds like a really fun childhood.

😂

Merciess · 12/06/2021 15:37

Sounds like a really fun childhood

It wasn't fun because they didn't sing and shout in the the garden? Okay then.

MaMelon · 12/06/2021 15:39

At 14 no less 😂

cansu · 12/06/2021 15:41

Your son playing basketball was annoying and you shouldn't have let him do it. Your neighbour shouldn't have sworn at him. Your dh then deliberately playing for 15 mins was unbelievably stupid and designed to escalate things. Going round again to further worsen the situation would be beyond stupid.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 12/06/2021 15:44

I think it was too late, even as a one off

Yeah bouncing balls are annoying even if only a couple if times a week but that's just life if you can't afford to live in the middle of no where

Next door are having a party , from experience it will go on until the morning and will be load and annoying but it doesn't happen regularly so I ignore it. The other side have an annoying trampoline and the people at the bottom tend to drink too much in the summer and she'll then scream and shout at her boyfriend

All really annoying but it's not every day. I'm sure my kids annoy the neighbours occasionally too

denverRegina · 12/06/2021 16:13

They're not psychic, how were they to know how long he was going to be bouncing away at near enough 9pm for.

Your husband has demonstrated to your kids exactly how not to behave. What a dick.

EatingAllThePies · 12/06/2021 16:19

My son is a massive basketball player and as well as playing in a court on Sundays has coaching 3x a week but still plays at home most days as well. The noise is so loud and I think probably really irritating to neighbours so we have a 7pm cut off. In the summer I might extend to 8 now he's a bit older but I think later is pretty anti-social. That said I would not be happy with how your neighbours approached this.

dopeyduck · 13/06/2021 00:53

I'd have been pretty annoyed if someone's teenager decided to thud a basketball and make my little kids up at 8:45pm just because they fancied a quick game.

StillWaters77 · 13/06/2021 08:55

@Zampa

It's summer and they should be out until dusk.

@Zampa You do mean doing all that till dusk in their own gardens don't you?

sashh · 14/06/2021 11:54

I'm with your neighbours, he was out from 8.45 to 9.00pm.

9pm is a time when many people want to relax, they have children in bed and probably want to watch a bit of TV.

I would not expect children to be out playing beyond 9pm, I probably wouldn't have sworn but I'd be pissed off.

PixieDust28 · 14/06/2021 12:07

Tbh, 8:45 isn't late for you but with the hot weather propels windows are open and babies could have been sleeping. So I would say YABU about the ball at that time.

The neighbours were rude to speak to your son in such a way. Your husband is petty and I think enough has been done now.

PixieDust28 · 14/06/2021 12:07

People's*

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