Neighbour swore at my teenage son

[G121]

I just wanted some advice about how to deal with a neighbour please.

I have two boys aged 10 and 14 who mainly enjoy playing football and cricket. My 14 year old enjoys playing basketball too so we have basketball ring in our garden. He plays maybe twice a week (depending on weather and homework) for about 30-45minutes a session.

As it was a Friday yesterday and the weather was nice, he decided to have a quick game outside during half time of the Euro game, which was about 8.45pm. So he was only playing outside for about 15minutes and one of the neighbours shouted ‘stop bouncing that f*ing ball’ over a fence. First it was the lady and then the man thought he would have a go too. Now I know the thudding of a ball can get quite annoying and usually he plays earlier in the day, but it wasn’t very late and I just think there was no need to swear at him. He came in and told us and his dad went mad and went out and shouted something back over the fence. He told our son to carry on playing, but he didn’t want to continue and seemed quite shocked that he had been sworn at while he felt he wasn’t doing anything wrong. My husband decided to have a quick game himself and started bouncing the ball again and nothing more was said. However he wants to go round and have it out with them this morning.

Their house backs on to ours, and it’s their front garden that backs on our back garden, so they are not neighbours we see daily. My son was nowhere near their fence and was basically minding his own business. During lockdown they would often get drunk and create chaos in the evenings. Shouting at each other, swearing etc. And although this was annoying for us, we didn’t feel the need to complain to them about it. I feel quite annoyed by this, but I don’t want to go to war with my neighbours over a ball game. My husband says I’m showing our son not to stand up for himself, but I feel my husband shouting back over the fence and continuing to play for another 15minutes made the point and maybe we should just leave it there. Going forwards, I don’t want my sons to be scared to play in our garden either.

What would you do? Any advice would be appreciated.

Basketball at home is fine but never after 7:39/8. Your husband was petty and trying to make the situation worse.

At 14 hearing “that fucking ball” probably isn’t a massive shock. It’s not like that added “you little fucker”. Your son was right to not want to play anymore once he knew he was annoying the neighbour.

Speak to your son about why the neighbour was wrong to swear, what time he should reasonably stop playing loud outside games, and talk to your husband about his overreaction.

Your husband is a p*k, hope your sons do not take after him.The thud of a basketball is beyond annoying. As another poster said I would never buy a house if I saw a house with a basketball hoop. It was too late. Maybe your neighbour should not have swore but they are entitled not to have to put up with thuds at that time in the evening. Put down some kind of ground covering to lessen the thuds.

Your dh is plain wrong to escalate this any further

It was a muggy night here, it’s uncomfortable and 8.45 is too late to play basketball and have to put up with the constant thud, thud thud

The neighbour was wrong to swear but was, I suggest, at the end of his tether with the noise, as I would be. Personally I do t think homes should be allowed basket ball nets

The noise would drive me to swear as well! It’s not like they swore at a 5 year old and your husband unnecessarily escalated the situation. This was a great opportunity to teach your son resilience skills and instead your husband acted like a petulant brat

8:45 is too late.

They shouldn't have swore but were probably drinking.

DH telling your son to continue is juvenile and petty.

Bouncing basketballs are really annoying. My neighbours put up a hoop about 10 feet from my home office window and i used earplugs during lockdown when they played. Thankfully the kids seem more interested in the footy on tv now!

Your 14 year old was shocked that somebody used the word 'fucking'

Your husband is a prick. The noise probably irritates the neighbours all the time, but last night was the state that broke the camels back.

8.45 on a warm summer evening is not late for something like this, particularly when it’s not that often! Your neighbours sound horrible.

Seriously? Your husband decided to have a quick game himself? Are you being serious right now? You know fine well he was bouncing the ball in some form of teenage boy petty revenge scenario. What a total dick.

@legotruck

Your 14 year old was shocked that somebody used the word 'fucking'

Your husband is a prick. The noise probably irritates the neighbours all the time, but last night was the state that broke the camels back.

This!

My husband decided to have a quick game himself and started bouncing the ball again

That is so antagonistic -what a dick.

@Disfordarkchocolate I agree. I have the most antisocial noisy neighbours and we are very quiet in comparison but everything in moderation I think. Half an hour of basketball is hardly a drunken party in terms of noise. We literally never have had a go at our neighbours as although the four of them are THE MOST annoyingly loud people ever, we appreciate everyone has the right to enjoy their gardens and everyone is different in how loud they are. Why your neighbours couldn't have just nicely asked you son if he could wrap up his session soon I don't know OP.

I always find these threads ridiculous, the amount of people who are intolerant of other people making noise , yet they choose to live in built up areas, it just amazes me. It was 8.45 and the child was bouncing a basket ball , not drilling with a jack hammer 🙄🙄 same with playing music or doing diy, it's all reasonable noise and if you can't stick that, then I'm sure there's a mountain or something you can live up on. Although the wildlife will be a problem then 🤣🤣🤣

Your husband sounds like a much bigger problem and a much worse influence on your son than your neighbour’s single use of the word fucking.

A basketball is beyond annoying, your neighbour swore at your 14 year old, I bet your other neighbours gave a silent cheer.

I’m gobsmacked about the Pearl clutching over the use of the word fucking around a 14yo especially in the context “fucking ball” rather than “you fucking inconsiderate wanker playing basketball far too late”

IME of 14yo they are very accustomed to using such words!

And no, I’m not the neighbour!

My husband decided to have a quick game himself

Your dh decided at that point he fancied a game? Sure. Your son has more sense than your dh.

Basketballs are ridiculously loud and irritating in a build up area and not something I would allow ds to do regularly, especially in the evening.

With your neighbour on this - although I said “bloody” when I finally snapped and said it to DH not to the teenager, but they overheard. Honestly, the thudding and the thwack of a basketball for long periods of time is awful.

Your DH isn’t helping at all. What a childish, OTT reaction.

I’m probably part of a minority but I don’t think saying that f*cking ball is swearing at your son, he’s annoyed and swearing at the noise.
If he “Will you fcking stop that” or “noisy fcker” would be swearing at your son. At 14 your son will have heard worse.
And 8.45pm is far too late for ball noise, that’s around the time people are settling with some tv/movie/book.

I can feel her irritation. The thud thud thud thud of living near one of those yokes is so effing annoying. I have people who let their dog in and out 45 times a day on the other side 😵

What would your husband intend to say to them if he went over there?

Something along the lines of ''we can do what we want no matter how much it annoys you''. I hope he doesn't go over. How could you look at him and see a mature adult if he did that.

At least your son did not want to continue playing. The fact that your husband went out to play after they'd told you to stop bouncing that fucking ball makes me think he is a real dickhead. So the neighbours have my sympathies but you have my sympathies too because you're married to this genius.

The neighbour swore because he was trying to watch something and the noise was driving him round the bend.
He should not have sworn at your son, but basketball is incredibly annoying, loud, repetitive etc. Would drive me totally nuts tbh. My next door neighbour used to use to train with a punch bag and the thud thud thud was really stressful to hear. A basketball is much louder.

Your DH is a prick
Your son was shocked at hearing the word fucking ? Really ?
Bouncing of a ball repeatedly on a Friday evening after a week at work would annoy me

I would not buy a house anywhere near a basketball hoop.

There is nothing more annoying than the constant thud of a ball hitting tarmac. It really resonates.

I never allowed my children to have one.

It would drive me to insanity

Gosh we were all young once let the children play. On some estates there are kids that age taking drugs and driving cars around I've seen it myself. Neighbours shouldnt sweat the small things. The children havent done anything wrong

Your husband is being a dick & I'd swear if someone was repeatedly bouncing a ball off a wall near me. It's a hideous noise & not one I'd ever let my teen inflict on neighbours