Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Neighbour swore at my teenage son

123 replies

G121 · 12/06/2021 07:48

I just wanted some advice about how to deal with a neighbour please.

I have two boys aged 10 and 14 who mainly enjoy playing football and cricket. My 14 year old enjoys playing basketball too so we have basketball ring in our garden. He plays maybe twice a week (depending on weather and homework) for about 30-45minutes a session.

As it was a Friday yesterday and the weather was nice, he decided to have a quick game outside during half time of the Euro game, which was about 8.45pm. So he was only playing outside for about 15minutes and one of the neighbours shouted ‘stop bouncing that f*ing ball’ over a fence. First it was the lady and then the man thought he would have a go too. Now I know the thudding of a ball can get quite annoying and usually he plays earlier in the day, but it wasn’t very late and I just think there was no need to swear at him. He came in and told us and his dad went mad and went out and shouted something back over the fence. He told our son to carry on playing, but he didn’t want to continue and seemed quite shocked that he had been sworn at while he felt he wasn’t doing anything wrong. My husband decided to have a quick game himself and started bouncing the ball again and nothing more was said. However he wants to go round and have it out with them this morning.

Their house backs on to ours, and it’s their front garden that backs on our back garden, so they are not neighbours we see daily. My son was nowhere near their fence and was basically minding his own business. During lockdown they would often get drunk and create chaos in the evenings. Shouting at each other, swearing etc. And although this was annoying for us, we didn’t feel the need to complain to them about it. I feel quite annoyed by this, but I don’t want to go to war with my neighbours over a ball game. My husband says I’m showing our son not to stand up for himself, but I feel my husband shouting back over the fence and continuing to play for another 15minutes made the point and maybe we should just leave it there. Going forwards, I don’t want my sons to be scared to play in our garden either.

What would you do? Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 12/06/2021 10:04

Its an annoying sound, especially at 8:45 pm I wouldnt buy a house if I say the basketball ring in the neighbours garden

SingingInTheShithouse · 12/06/2021 10:05

I’d have been over there last night and told them your son will play with his basketball whenever the fuck he likes. And I’d warn them against swearing at children.

Nice 🥴

You do realise that making unacceptable levels of noise, even in the day can get you into trouble with the council & ASBO team & if in LA property, kicked out of your home. This includes bouncing balls on walls & floors where is causes a noise disturbance.

A2BviaCandD · 12/06/2021 10:09

The artificial grass does make a huge difference. When we got the hoop, we didn't want to cause any upset to our neighbours. We also bought a tall ball net and placed it beside his "court" at the bottom of our garden, against our fence to make sure the ball didn't bounce over into next door.
We have had the hoop for about 3 years now and we haven't had any complaints. He does only play it before 6pm though.
I know some families in the area will be putting their young children to bed around that time, so make sure our children keep noise to a minimum after this time.

LemonRoses · 12/06/2021 10:09

@Blankspace101

I’d have been over there last night and told them your son will play with his basketball whenever the fuck he likes. And I’d warn them against swearing at children.
Oh the irony. Love this, so funny.
Oblomov21 · 12/06/2021 10:12

Op has posted again.
So he's still going to play, for 30-45 minutes per day? Didn't you read any of the posters posts who pointed out that this is also not ok?

Oblomov21 · 12/06/2021 10:13

Hopefully they'll write to the council about noise disturbance.

MrsBongiovi · 12/06/2021 10:17

Hopefully they'll write to the council about noise disturbance.

Me too. Council workers love some of these ridiculous reports, gives them a good laugh.

Original poster
G121 · 12/06/2021 10:20

@Oblomov21

Op has posted again. So he's still going to play, for 30-45 minutes per day? Didn't you read any of the posters posts who pointed out that this is also not ok?
My original message stated that he plays twice a week, not daily. My son isn't trying to purposely piss anyone off and usually plays straight after school twice a week, homework and weather permitting so yesterday was a one off.

I will take the advice of the artificial grass and I can also assure you all that the hoop is no where near their fence.

I understand that there is an echo and as I've said I have spoken to my son about not playing too late on the weekends.

OP posts:
Original poster
G121 · 12/06/2021 10:22

@Oblomov21

Hopefully they'll write to the council about noise disturbance.
Thank you for your comment.

I might write to the council myself next time they are drunk and disorderly in their driveway in the middle of the night.

It happens more regularly than my son playing basketball

OP posts:
MrsBongiovi · 12/06/2021 10:28

I don’t know how some people get through life, with such high levels of intolerance.

Merciess · 12/06/2021 10:31

I might write to the council myself next time they are drunk and disorderly in their driveway in the middle of the night

Ahh, so you're antagonistic just like your DH then?

LolaSmiles · 12/06/2021 10:34

8.45pm is too late for playing basketball so whilst they shouldn't have sworn you shouldn't have let him play that late.
Your husband sounds like he delights in being antagonistic and is very childish.

MrsBongiovi · 12/06/2021 10:34

Ahh, so you're antagonistic just like your DH then?

🙄 Go and put your ear plugs in and live in your silent world. Must be fun. 🤪

Merciess · 12/06/2021 10:37

@MrsBongiovi

Ahh, so you're antagonistic just like your DH then?

🙄 Go and put your ear plugs in and live in your silent world. Must be fun. 🤪

Am I the one complaining about neighbours noise? Don't think so.

Pipe down 😘

Bluntness100 · 12/06/2021 10:38

For the comments about my teenage son being shocked by the F word. No, he wasn't shocked by the word itself, but in a time when we drum it into our children to be kind and show manners and then for a couple of grown adults to use swearing as a way of communication, just seems a little off and unnecessary

Wow, that makes no sense considering your husbands dick like behaviour.

Original poster
G121 · 12/06/2021 10:38

@Merciess

I might write to the council myself next time they are drunk and disorderly in their driveway in the middle of the night

Ahh, so you're antagonistic just like your DH then?

No I'm not antagonistic at all. If I was then I would not have tried to diffuse the situation like a have and sent out a request for advice. I would have encouraged a confrontation.

I have been given advice and I will follow the sensible ones. I will make sure to sit out while he's playing from now on, make sure it's not after dinner and invest in some artificial grass.

Thank you to everyone who has posted without being nasty.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 12/06/2021 10:40

45 minutes of ball bouncing is far too long. I know this time was only 15 mins because they shouted but, TBH, they are probably really fed up with it. The artificial grass sounds like a plan.

I'm so fed up with the yappy little dog next door that it now pisses me off after only a minute.

MrsBongiovi · 12/06/2021 10:41

Pipe down

Erm...nope. 😇😇😇

sunnyblackwidow · 12/06/2021 10:45

You don't sound like very nice neighbours.

KnottedFern · 12/06/2021 10:52

Everyone is unreasonable. Your son for playing with the basket ball at quarter to 9 at night (for 45 minutes!?), the neighbour for swearing and your husband for retaliating aggressively.

P.s. your son has heard much worse at school.

Willowtree999 · 12/06/2021 11:06

I would rather hear a basketball at 8.45pm than drunken shouting and swearing at any time. I know which I find more irritating and inconsiderate. My tactic would be to ignore and carry on as you were. Or maybe ask them to 'shut the fuck up' next time they are pissed up. Some people need it pointed out to them how hypocritical they are.

MrsBongiovi · 12/06/2021 11:12

My tactic would be to ignore and carry on as you were.

Yes, this is best. They are irrelevant.

Oblomov21 · 12/06/2021 11:18

You keep contradicting yourself.
First you say he plays twice a week after school. So that implies mon-fri. In between 3pm and say 5pm.

Now you are saying that you will ask him not to play too late at weekends.

So he's playing Saturday and Sunday.

So 4 times a week, at least then?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/06/2021 11:23

Ah OP it doesn't matter what your neighbours do. They could be screaming and shouting in their garden at 4am every morning, throwing their rubbish into your garden, have 10 dogs that bark day and night, but you have a child that bounced a ball for 15 mins in his back garden, and you and your dh didn't swiftly run out and apologise and grovel for forgiveness at your neighbours feet. You are now automatically the one in the wrong, the worst neighbours in the world, your dh is aggressive and confrontational, and you are clearly the problem neighbours in the street 🤣 typical MN.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/06/2021 11:24

@Oblomov21

You keep contradicting yourself. First you say he plays twice a week after school. So that implies mon-fri. In between 3pm and say 5pm.

Now you are saying that you will ask him not to play too late at weekends.

So he's playing Saturday and Sunday.

So 4 times a week, at least then?

Oh god, who had time to nit pick like this?!