Is it a normal part of being mum to teens to be sad about the child who has "gone"?

[Balaur]

I have a 16 and 13 yo. Of course I can completely rationalise that it's all normal, they pull away from you, don't want to spend time with you and generally seem like a different person from the sweet child they were but fucking hell, I'm finding it hard.

Funnily enough I was just saying to DS16 the other day ' Why can't you be 3 again?' . He's a dream, always has been, and still a chatty, lovely, huggy boy, but I miss his little 3 year old self. His brother would have been 18 months then and I remember it so well. It was between then and age 5/7 that were the glory years, I think. Those were the years before DS3 (ASN and epilepsy) that life was carefree and golden in many ways.

Teen years have been a breeze with Ds1, not so much with DS2, but I'm lucky they're both good kids. Still doesn't stop me pining for them clinging onto my leg!

They come back honestly. Usually around 19/20 for lads, maybe a bit earlier 18 for girls.
I'm closer to mine than I was in their teens now they are grown ups.
Honestly, I get texts and fb messages and photo's of gc throughout the day.
Couldn't give me the steam off their shit when they were at home. Ds2 called last night about 10.30, it was 12.40 when he went No problems, we were just chatting.
I'm not boasting but definitely wouldn't have imagined this when he was a teen.

I am normally quite brisk and non emotional but when I dropped my eldest at her first school morning I had to run home ignoring the neighbours and sobbed. The end of the pre school years - that’s it you never get that time of life back

Oh God, this!!!
My DC are 15 and 17 and I'm just so sad that they're pretty much grown up.
I loved being their Mum when they were little and I miss them so much. I say to them all the time "if I could wish for anything in the world I'd have a day where you were 2 and 4 again".
And then they roll their eyes at me like I'm insane 😂

Yes, I feel like this too.
Mine are 13 and 15 and I am torn because my youngest is still quite reliant on me and I’ve enjoyed it but have come to realise that I’m not doing him any favours by babying him so have started to loose the apron strings recently and he’s wondering what’s goi my in but I know I am doing it for his own good.
They had their moments when they were little but I miss those times when they weren’t hormonal teenagers!

Oh God I missed my kids so much when they grew up. I thought how can I miss you when you're right there in front of me. When ds was about 15 found a pair of little swimming trunks he had when he was 5 and bawled my eyes out

Whatever you do don't watch this Slow down

Wah!

Crikey, DDs 4 and I look at her gangly great legs sometimes and miss my tiny little newborn so fiercely it's like being punched in the stomach. God knows what I'll be like when she's 16!!

I remember coming home from school as a teen and finding my mum sat on my bed looking sort of sad and wistful. She said, 'your room makes me happy and sad all at once, look, you've got teddies and toys and makeup and probably vodka and cigarettes you're half my baby and half a grown up too.'

@RampantIvy

There must be something wrong with me because I have never felt like this. DD had a tough time with bullying at school when she was a teenager, but I still didn't wish she was small again. I was also happy for her when she went to university, and didn't spend all summer sobbing at the idea of her moving on to the next stage of her life.

I love her to bits and worry about her all the time, but as long as she is happy then so am I.

I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling like that. I do to; I never cried when they started school or started secondary or any of that. My dc are terrific young adults, I do not mourn their baby selves.

But I look at photos of them when they were younger and miss their younger selves almost as if they were completely different people I am missing

Oh my goodness yes and that resonates so much, I just cried. Mine are early and mid twenties.

I hear (and say) a hundred times on FB from all my friends, at how they miss the cute toddler and young child phase.

My DS has recently become a teen. I think the child years should be twice as long. He's still affectionate and chatty and lovely but it's not the same and I can't sort things out with a hug either. I'm quite enjoying the new him as the conversations are engaging and interesting but I miss the little years so much and feel I should have made more of them. Looking forward to grandchildren already and hoping I'll be lucky enough to have them.

@StopSearching Why would you do that to me?? Standing in my kitchen crying instead of doing the washing up and mine are only 3 and 1!

[quote nildesparandum]@atmarriednotdead
I am now a great grandmother to lovely little boys.Their behaviour is very similar to their grandfather and uncle at the same age, and the younger one is the double of his grandfather who is my younger son.

@Westfacing
My two sons are middle-aged now and I would give anything for them to be babies and toddlers again.[/quote]
How lovely 😊

My little boy is 1.5 and I miss the squashy little squidge of a baby. My little girl is 3.5 and I miss the 2 yr old delighted squeals at everything.

I'm going to be a mental case by the time they're teens.

To be perfectly honest I miss a time when any problems they had could be solved with a breastfeed! As they grow you can't fix everything and make it all ok for them with a feed or a cuddle or a trip to the park. Problems get bigger as they get bigger.

As they grow you can't fix everything and make it all ok for them with a feed or a cuddle or a trip to the park. Problems get bigger as they get bigger

So very, very true.

My DD (15) is indifferent to me at best, I sometimes can't bear to look at photos of when she was little. It hurts too much.

I'm thinking of that Abba song now😭

DS is growing into a lovely young man and I'm so proud, but he was such an adorable little squishy and I do miss those days.

I find the day to day work of raising children very hard. I need my own space and struggle with listening to them bang on about Pokemon again :laugh: And yet I miss them so much already - I miss their tiny selves even though I find it hard. I can’t reconcile how I sneak in to watch them sleep just to be there and yet need space from them when they are awake :/

Having been a devoted small child, I was not affectionate to my mum as a teen or keen to share my life with her - I moved away in fact and some of her habits drove me mad. The relationship improved as I grew older. It's been a few years since she died and I would honestly say you miss your mum the way you did as a small child, you love her in that devoted way again not in the way you did as a teenager!
Not sure if that is comforting or not, but I think distant teens do come back!

Feeling emotional now! DD is just under two and even in lockdown I have had the best time with her this past year.

I feel this quite frequently at the moment, particularly with DS1 who is 18. I look back at photos of how joyful and lively and loving he was and his current sullen self seems so far removed.

I feel sad for how life challenges him these days and I wish I could make things better as I used to be able to when he was little. It’s tough....

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Akaroa Cannon, sorry.

My 12 yr old DD asked for hugs multiple times a day. My 9 yr old DS is getting more independent by the day. He's going through an 'awareness of death' phase right now and is currently asleep cuddling my nightie ❤️❤️