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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD has had large sums of money put into her account

999 replies

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/07/2020 17:50

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

OP posts:
Carpedimum · 05/07/2020 18:11

Crikey @MummyInTheNecropolis I think you’re doing a fantastic job. My DS (15) has told me about various finance & drug dealings his friends/acquaintances have got embroiled in, so I’m aware of it but I doubt I’d deal with it as well as you are. Indeed, I think the only reason he hasn’t got involved himself, is because he sometimes has very large amounts in his bank account (complex inheritance arrangements) and I’d warned him that if he shared his details then they could clean him out. The temptation for kids to make ‘easy’ money is what these criminals prey on. I hope you sort it out quickly and without any repercussions.

Onesipmore · 05/07/2020 18:12

Please can people read the thread. OP has said she's been through her phone, called the police, removed privileges, will call school etc. What we dont know is if OP suggested Deets and squares to DD or if dd mentioned that unprompted. It also seems unlikely dd has a second device as op has been through her things. Likewise we dont really know what dd has said to her Mum, just that she finds it confusing.

Mustbetimeforachange · 05/07/2020 18:13

Oh I wish people would read at least some of the thread before posting

PenelopePitstop49 · 05/07/2020 18:15

It's certainly not easy parenting teenagers OP.

It's really important that whatever is going on, she feels she can trust you. Keep the lines of communication going, especially if she can't be contacted by however started this, and she will slowly let you know what's going on. She's likely to feel very angry you've found out, as well as ashamed and embarrassed.

Teenagers are very complex beings. It's tough.

BusyEmz · 05/07/2020 18:18

I believe you are handling this very well in contrary to what others may say.
You have made her aware that you know something is not right and you have given her an opportunity to be honest with you so you can resolve it together.
It’s important to follow through, and enforce consequences.

A possible suggestion ‘scare tactic ask her if you need to contact all friends parents in phone to explain situation and let them know police are involved so you can work out who else is involved. (Just a suggestion last thing she will want is that)

Specksbecks · 05/07/2020 18:19

Everytime I read something on mums net I feel so pissed off with the world and remember why I don’t have many female friends. A lot of people are so arrogant and always right. She’s done everything she can, you can’t make a child talk. I had the same thing when my daughter was 14. I did loose it though screaming and shouting with frustration but I was pregnant at the time and I couldn’t cope with it. Kids are a nightmare. They do bad stuff. I know my eldest 2 have but it doesn’t make me love them any less. I can see the attraction to sell pictures online for a young girl, one of my teenagers said to me the other day she was skint and was going to sell pictures of herself to dirty old men. She was joking. Well I hope she was. She’s too busy sorting it out to message on here so bombarding her with messages of advice isn’t needed cause she won’t be reading them!

iwannafurloughmydp · 05/07/2020 18:22

I just leaned to read all your posts now. You are doing all you can and the best you can. I did exactly all the same. Looked for extras phones, called the safeguarding at the college to warn them and the told his bank that I was suspicious as well. She is trying to protect the person that she is dealing with and all the consequences about being caught, losing friends, being ashamed etc.
If her bank account is frozen, the best would be leaving her without any bank account for a while until you sort it out, this way she cannot borrow it to anyone else.
Take her cards off her too. Next step would be withdrawing the money to pass it on.
I hope you are well .
Take care

TrixieMixie · 05/07/2020 18:23

She’s a money mule. They are recruited via social media. You need to tell the bank and go to the police.

pooopypants · 05/07/2020 18:25

@trixie, for the love of God, RTFT

bemusedmoose · 05/07/2020 18:25

Heck I'd be contacting the bank, police and going through all the online history and accounts!

Grooming is the first thing that would be on my mind! Don't send her into a panic or instant lock down on tech - abusers prepare them that you will do this to stop them talking. They will also tell them to lie. Could also be exploitation, money laundering but my bet would be grooming.

CockysGirl · 05/07/2020 18:26

For help with this situation please try CEOP (Child Exploitation & Online Protection) www.ceop.police.uk or Childline.
Good luck OP hope this is resolved quickly.

viccytwiffy · 05/07/2020 18:32

all of the suggestions are highly probably/likely, but the truth may be something perfectly viable and acceptable. this is a time to be very careful, take it very slowly and establish your communications with your daughter, and make your relationship very clear in terms of it being where you are both at.... kitchen table talk... make cookies and then talk when its all in the oven....

HannV · 05/07/2020 18:33

I've never posted before but this really scared me. Involve the police as well as the bank. you must protect your daughter and get to the bottom of this.

nov1ce · 05/07/2020 18:36

So impressed with how you've handled this. First time I've heard about anything like this. Thanks so much for sharing and to those explaining and posting links as a warning to others. This is why I need Mumsnet in my life!

Scotland32 · 05/07/2020 18:37

It’s 28 pages! Who on earth has time to read all that??

HannV · 05/07/2020 18:37

Don't blame yourself, best of kids can get up to wrong stuff. We are all doing the best we can. Thinking of you

CodenameVillanelle · 05/07/2020 18:39

@Scotland32

It’s 28 pages! Who on earth has time to read all that??
You can skip through the OP's posts now. Its about 5 minutes.
shonamay · 05/07/2020 18:42

Please call the police asap. I would be taking your daughters phone and keeping her home in the meantime. Lots of reassurance but tell her that you need her to tell you the truth for her own safety. Have you checked her phone for any unusual activity? I check my children’s regularly. I hope everything is sorted Xx

Plumbuddle · 05/07/2020 18:44

All the best to you OP. I think you are handling this brilliantly. I just wanted to say please don't follow the advice to contact social services unless you want to lose total control of the agenda as a parent. If you think you have received blame from MN posters, just wait until a child protection social worker starts to want to interview you. The agencies that can actually practically help you here are the police, websites for general info and parenting support, child protection at school and the NHS therapeutic options that other MNers have mentioned. Your daughter will be automatically referred to social services by police, and they if they are interested will contact you to try to help. But if they do that, be sure to keep a full note of every contact as they are not necessarily the support that people who have not seen the service in action, hope. They tend to leap to parent blame rather than actually triggering any services in support.

Blondie1980s · 05/07/2020 18:45

Have you checked the name of this person through something like Facebook ? Does your daughter have TikTok? There are lots of ways and things like snap chat where she can be contacted without it showing as text messages. These places are easy to speak to others (there are more social media apps etc but these are the most popular)

maur108 · 05/07/2020 18:46

Does you daughter have a best friend - like that one they tell everything to ? If so it might be worth talking to them & their parents in case they know something or were in it together xxxx

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/07/2020 18:50

It’s 28 pages! Who on earth has time to read all that??

And do some posters really believe that in 28 pages no one mentioned whatever "solution " they might have?

Ginfordinner · 05/07/2020 18:51

It's 7 pages on my phone.

fatgirlslimmer · 05/07/2020 18:56

Perhaps you could research trauma bonds. This is often why children won’t tell the whole truth, the fear of getting peers or perpetrators into trouble or uncovering other behaviours overwhelms the need to confess. Obviously it is complicated and I’ve put it in its simplest form.

You have done everything you can and followed through on all the actions you said you would.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/07/2020 18:57

However pages ling it is, it's precisely because posters don't bother reading the thread or at least OP's comments to see whatever they have to say has either been mentioned or already done by OP.