Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 ··· 26 27 28 ··· 39 40

Original poster

DD has had large sums of money put into her account

999 replies

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/07/2020 17:50

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

OP posts:

bakereld · 05/07/2020 17:43

Are you absolutely sure there's no second phone?

Given her age, I'd be suspicious of:
Only fans account - can easily be set up with fake ID
Instagram - selling lewd photos
Ko-fi account - people can donate money to her on this platform which goes directly to her PayPal. Usually for cosplay, fanfiction, lewd photos.

I'd be concerned if she's receiving payment through PayPal as they would have her full legal name.

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 05/07/2020 17:46

Someone may have already mentioned it as I haven’t read the whole thread but it might be ‘squaring’ it’s a form of money laundering CCE (child criminal exploitation)

Young people are contacted by social media to recruit them so she doesn’t have to have been left the house to be drawn in

purplecorkheart · 05/07/2020 17:48

Would it be worth contacting Social Services? They might be more helpful of the the police are not interested. Honestly I would be emptying every cupboard, checking underfloor boards under furniture etc. I would put money on there being a second phone. Google how to hide a phone from parents to get ideas where to look.

DanceItOut · 05/07/2020 17:49

OP you’re doing amazing. Hopefully the school will be able to help as well and hopefully she cuts her losses and just comes clean. Fingers crossed the police officer that actually comes out to take a statement will be a bit more interested than those on the phone as well. As a teen parent I am also rather shocked by this thread. So scary.

cologne4711 · 05/07/2020 17:50

27 pages of comments and most of them utterly useless:

"switch off the wifi" erm have you heard of 4G?

"teens don't nap" yes they do!

"husband is head of the family" yeah if you say so

The useful thing is that I had never heard of "deets and squares" or indeed the Only Fans thing and am now somewhat more well informed.

In today's Sunday Times there was an article about a 16 year old who got embroiled in a scam selling their mobile phone. Teens (and older) can get themselves into problems in all sorts of ways.

LittleMissMe99 · 05/07/2020 17:50

My daughter is a similar age. I would be concerned she is selling pictures or videos of herself. Whatever this is...it's not legal. Not in the UK. Is there a parent of one of her friends you could ask to speak their child? Teens are too tech savvy to leave a trace of what they're up to. Have you searched her name online and on social media? Doesn't the statement say where is came from, as mine do! I really feel for you, and I hope you can get to the bottom of it and that your daughter is ok x

DanceItOut · 05/07/2020 17:51

@Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme that was one of the first suggestions on the thread and looks to be exactly what it is.

Lisa784 · 05/07/2020 17:51

Could be wrong but it sounds like she has an "only fans" account. People pay money to subscribe to your page and only they can see your pictures. You can get extra for direct/private messages too. Alot of girls this young are doing it to make money so it's quite worrying for parents. Some men want weird pictures (for example just pics of their feet so she may not be showing anything more but it's still very wrong for children to be involved in such a thing). I just know that this is a massive trend at the moment for easy money without revealing your identity.

My advice; sit her down and ask her directly. Tell her shes certainly not in trouble but it's really important shes honest.

Good luck and you are doing the right thing in keeping her safe x

Scoobydoobydo · 05/07/2020 17:54

@MummyInTheNecropolis

She hardly ever goes anywhere without me, I always know where she is and I check her phone and haven’t seen anything concerning. I’m worried about involving the police in case she gets in trouble but I will if I don’t get anywhere with the bank.

The she doesn’t need to leave the house. My niece made a fair few pounds with online services. My brother turned detective and what he found broke his heart but it was all nipped in the bud and she has turned into a wonderful young woman. It could have been so different. She said it had started off quite innocently and escalated. She was a well developed 13 year old when it happened and rarely left the house

ProfessionalWeirdo · 05/07/2020 17:56

I've just RTFT and I think you're handling this very well, OP. I can only begin to imagine what you're going through. Until today I'd never heard of Deets & Squares or OnlyFans. I hope, for your sake and your DD's, that you get to the bottom of this whole sorry business as soon as possible. Thinking of you.

Deldee242 · 05/07/2020 17:56

Someone is using her and her account. March her into the bank and speak with the manager or someone of similar authority. They’ll shut it down immediately and she’ll get off with a warning. No need to involve the police- she’s under 18 so the bank won’t go there but they will want to reduce the amount of people using them to defraud the system so she may not be able to get a bank account with them again.

managedmis · 05/07/2020 17:57

Are you sure she doesn't have a secret phone in her room? Is your WiFi /data disabled?

If she has £500 deposited regularly in her account I can guarantee a second phone would be my first thought..

averysuitablegirl · 05/07/2020 17:58

OP, you are indeed doing everything that you can and are handling this fantastically well.

It is very scary how vulnerable teens are, however savvy and together they may seem.

WeMustGetOffTheMountain · 05/07/2020 17:59

I agree with the above posters who say she doesn't have to leave the house to be involved in a lot of these things. I really hope you are able to get some answers.

Jenpink83 · 05/07/2020 18:00

Recently a friends dd was being paid to keep quiet about grooming, and passing disturbing photos to others. Please contact the police. And the bank, take all tech away until you get to the bottom of it.
Hope she is OK!

NettleTea · 05/07/2020 18:02

Can you look on your internet and see which devices are linked to the wifi and logged in. I really suspect she has a second phone that you dont know about

GoldenZigZag · 05/07/2020 18:02

Hadn't heard of deets and squares until now

MildredB · 05/07/2020 18:02

I don’t have advice, just wanted to say I think you’ve handled it all really well. Hopefully your daughter will think it through and open up she’d be silly not to because she’ll lose your trust and the freedom she does have. Xx

iwannafurloughmydp · 05/07/2020 18:03

Hi MummyintheNecropolis

The same happened to me and my 16 years old last year and I can tell you That I went bat crazy!
I started growing suspicious after seeing so many purchases £600 bags, £500 shoes etc. I went to the bank and Asked kindly to my manager if she could help me as I thought that my son was being a “mule“ (the one who carries the money from drugs). She couldn’t tell me anything as he was older enough to have his own bank account but she gave me some names of the people who was making the deposits and I tried googling at home later. No success getting further information.
I did asked him many times how did he manage to have so much money and expensive things. He always said that he was trading his computer stuff and making adverts on line (which I could really see that he was), but still.. too much money !
That night I decided to go to his bedroom and through his bag, I found a lot of money ! I shoulder, screamed I think that the whole neighbourhood could hear me. I thought he was drug dealing, and many other things.
Ok. To cut things short.
Teenagers now a days are obsessed with money, appearance and bloody instagram. They learn things easier and faster. My son is into FOREX, and this is what they see and want to do to have money. It’s an on line trading Like the stock exchange. They invest as little as £100 to start with and buy gold and other currencies around the world and this is how they make their money. They can withdraw any time they want. My son made £6000 out of £1000. I know because I made him show me his phone, the apps he uses. Went to the bank with him to withdraw some cash. (They send the police to my home to check that I new about it). At this point as I already new about everything I have no more issues with it. He uses my info to log in and trade instead of his older friend now, as he must be over 18 to use the app and trade.

I am also knowledgeable of county lines and drug dealing as I work in a SEND school. Which means that all the bells rang when I first saw that money. And the way they are secretive and not willing to cooperate to tell us the truth ! I am still not 100% sure that he was not falling into the county lines system as he had some suspicious friends. But because I was very persistent on looking at his phone and bank account weekly and demanding what kind of behaviour I expected from him from now on, I believe He might have given up on whatever it was going on (if) or I was being a completely neurotic and it was all just forex.
I don’t know. He still does forex and I receive the emails on my phone daily of how much he does (because the account is in my name).

I am not saying that your daughter is doing the same. But I would check. She is 14. I would open up and ask to check her phone, ask about that money coming in (openly). Explain about the risks of county lines (there’s loads of leaflets, videos and movies on line ). MAKE her watch it in front of you.
I did.
I am released now and my son is much more
Open to me. If I saved him from that I don’t know but he is at home 24/7 and I am sure he is safe and secure now.
Don’t be afraid and don’t let it go. She is under age. You must know the truth !

Good luck and be strong 💪

Harls1969 · 05/07/2020 18:04

I hope you get to the bottom of it OP. Keeping outwardly calm is definitely the best way to deal with it. Good luck

Shaz1970 · 05/07/2020 18:07

I would be more worried about grooming. Don't go behind her back but tell her if she doesn't know where it came from and it is in her account you must tell the police to protect her. You need to tell her you will get into trouble if this is not reported as her mother. Which is likely as you are now involved by knowing this. Your daughter is a minor so won't get into trouble but you do need to tell police or social services.

rosesandbees · 05/07/2020 18:07

OP nothing useful to add but wanted to say thank you for sharing this. My children are still young so I have no idea of these kind of scams. I think you sound like an amazing Mum and you have and are doing everything you can to help and protect your daughter showing her what is right and wrong. I hope I can be this good a Mum to my girls. Hoping you get to bottom of the mystery money soon and the police and bank are more helpful.

itsgettingweird · 05/07/2020 18:08

Another adding my voice of support and think you've handled it well.

I sometimes wonder what some MNers want to hear?

That you've stripped her room clear and locked her in until the police come and investigate? That DD has completely smashed up the house in fear?

You are totally right to have taken her phone and kept her in. To have called the police and back and to calm school tomorrow.

You are also right that until you know why she has the money there isn't anything you can do other than talk calmly to her and explain why it's dangerous.