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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD has had large sums of money put into her account

999 replies

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/07/2020 17:50

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 05/07/2020 14:52

Drug dealers would not be paying you by bank transfer!

No, but they can launder dirty cash payments through multiple bank accounts. Or they might put dirty cash into DD;s account via a hole in the wall; which she then is instructed to withdraw and paas the cash to someone else. Or she might be told to spend it on goods that are then traded or sold (ie, turned into clean cash).

It's called money laundering. Drug dealers and other crooks launder dirty money all the time.

saraclara · 05/07/2020 14:57

I think you've handled this perfectly.

Some posters seem to have a problem with OPs who post calmly and rationally, rather than losing their shit or panicking. Writing calmly does not mean that someone is being laid back. It means they're trying to be logical, managing to get the facts down in an ordered way and managing to keep themselves together despite the stress.

Well done to you for achieving everything practically possible and also maintaining communication with your DD. Ranting and raving would almost certainly have made her bring the shutters down.

Dominicgoings · 05/07/2020 14:59

I think suggesting she writes down what’s been happening is worth considering.
And if the police don’t step up, I agree that self referral to social services is the next step. They will signpost you to the appropriate support ( and hopefully give the police a kick up the ass)

bitofasleuth · 05/07/2020 15:00

I think you are doing remarkably well in very difficult circumstances OP.
Flowers

1WildTeaParty · 05/07/2020 15:00

OP you are doing really well; the situation is really worrying.

Teens loyalty to friends is strong and likely to be at the bottom of her reluctance to tell you more. (You are right - bullying her wouldn't be likely to get you further.)

I agree on contacting friends parents - warning them of the deets/squares thing. (You don' t need to say that your daughter is involved- or that she has said anything - only that you are passing this warning on and that you are now checking it out in your home too.

Evelefteden · 05/07/2020 15:12

OP I missed the up date where you said you have contacted the bank ( and they were unhelpful!)

Have you checked her apps on her phone? I watched a program the other week were teenagers were being paid to do sexual videos of them self’s.

WeAllHaveWings · 05/07/2020 15:13

Sorry, thought it was very very obviously a joke 🤭🤣🤣

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 05/07/2020 15:15

Think you're doing great - I don't have any useful advice other the possibility of you having a friend who is an IT genius for tips?

Of course this is more about your DD, and her lack of honesty than getting evidence.

pinotgrigio · 05/07/2020 15:15

I think you are doing a great job. I'm in Australia so we don't have the money laundering Deets and Squares here but the teens are certainly selling suggestive photos (ok nudes) and the girls seem to find it empowering. I blame social media.

Mountainash · 05/07/2020 15:17

MummyinTheNecropolis
You are doing a wonderful job. It’s very difficult keeping your cool in a situation as frightening as this. Flowers

maxicheddar · 05/07/2020 15:22

I also think you are handling this situation so well MummyInTheNecropolis.

Really hope the police and other services give you the backup you need Flowers

Akasia · 05/07/2020 15:22

Not sure if mentioned in previous posts, but my first thought having been working in the banking sector in the past, would be that she's been recruited as a money mule.

Teenagers are often targeted (as they are seen as a vulnerable group) by money launderers (often friends) who deposit money into their accounts for the victim to then withdraw and pass across. The victim in this case would keep a small comission.

As she is only 14 you could approach the bank for help as long as you are a signatory on the account.

Prettybluepigeons · 05/07/2020 15:31

Please please read the thread before commenting!

custardbear · 05/07/2020 15:34

How you get this sorted ASAP... could it be her dad sending money? Behind your back perhaps?

tinseltitsandlittlegits · 05/07/2020 15:34

You sound like your doing everything you possibly can so I just hope you get to the bottom of it quickly and you both get the support you might need x

AlternativePerspective · 05/07/2020 15:37

I can never understand these people who say that someone doesn’t “sound” stressed enough. This is the internet. People can write something out in decent language while still feeling stressed in person. Do people really find that so hard to understand? The screen does not convey emotion and all that.

OP ignore the posters who say you’re not doing enough. Anyone who thinks they could withhold all naps/sleep/not give their child time overnight to think about it is being naive. If a child isn’t talking there is no way to make them do so. No matter how much someone thinks there is.

Also, given the police are not being helpful and neither are the bank, it is again astounding that people think the OP isn’t doing enough. Just what do people think she can do beyond having spoken to the police?

Atalune · 05/07/2020 15:49

Bloody hell. This thread has been a huge education.

netflixismysidehustle · 05/07/2020 15:51

I think you've done what you can today. Calling the school tomorrow is a good idea.

I'm not surprised to hear that the police weren't interested.

Will your dd explain what's been going on without naming names? So she doesn't tell you who introduced her to the right contacts but will tell you how she's got the money?

My ds was a similar temperament to yours and would have sat in silence if questioned by the police then kicked off after they left.

It's a strange age - they think they are adults but as susceptible to online scans as older people imo. They also can't get a job unless they are very lucky and have a contact so I understand why they'd join free money sort of pages not realising that it's a trap.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 05/07/2020 15:55

Do you think you might want support @MummyInTheNecropolis? One organisation that popped up on Google was this paceuk.info/for-parents/support-for-parents/. I've no experience of them but wondered if it might be good for you to chat with someone with some experience of similar situations? It must be so worrying for you. I too like the write it all down suggestion, getting her to give you the chronological order of what happened. It may reveal something she's not disclosed yet.

pink1173 · 05/07/2020 16:02

@MummyInTheNecropolis you are doing everything you can. Ignore a lot of these responses- they haven’t been through it. This happened to my friend’s 17 year old daughter. The police were brilliant and it was a protection issue for the daughter...not a ban everything and lock her up in jail response. They were more concerned with my friends using a measured and caring approach as the people involved are actually very dangerous and it’s is NOT your daughters fault.

felixowl · 05/07/2020 16:04

Apologies if this has been covered already and I missed it. Only just seen this thread.
Are you sure that she has no other phones?
Did you go into Police Station or did you make an appointment to talk to detectives?
They must not shrug this off till you have 'more evidence'. They should advise you what to look for.

samlovesdilys · 05/07/2020 16:05

Sounds like you have done everything you can, agree school safeguarding will help (you can email today and ask them to call you tomorrow morning - they may not be 'in' school everyday at the moment).
As for searching for a second phone, these are hiding places my child has attempted to use in the past (he likes to hide things...):
Shoeboxes under bed
Coat pockets
Behind books on shelf
Inside shoes in wardrobe
Behind/beneath toilet cistern
Between mattress and bed frame
Inside pillow / towel
Inside old school bags
Worth a second look? Find-my-iPhone can ping up any other devices in your home, and changing wifi code also helps.
Lastly, please don't be surprised or disappointed that she has lied, teenagers do, they struggle to think about later consequences and so will say anything to get out of trouble in the moment.

whattodo2019 · 05/07/2020 16:07

Huge safe guarding alert. I would talk to your daughter and ask her to tell you the truth and call
The police

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/07/2020 16:09

@whattodo2019 I would read the whole thread or use the handy new function that highlights OP's posts.

Pleasance · 05/07/2020 16:09

Can PP's please read the full thread, before posting the same advice...which the OP has already carried out...