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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD has had large sums of money put into her account

999 replies

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/07/2020 17:50

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

OP posts:
LEELULUMPKIN · 05/07/2020 12:30

I hope you and your Daughter are OK OP.

TheJuniperTree · 05/07/2020 12:34

My first thought was exactly what @sunshineandshowers21 said. I think it's quite possible your daughter has been talking online to an older man and has been paid for images (live video/pictures etc). It's more common than you'd think and the bank transfers would make sense if this is what's been happening. All she would need is an internet convection and a smartphone or laptop/tablet/computer.

I agree you should sit with her and calmly assure her that if she tells you the truth she won't be in trouble (and mean it). Then, if it is what I think or if she won't tell you you MUST call the police. She is a child and is receiving cash from a stranger. The reason for the cash will not be innocent. This is a very dangerous situation and if an older man is sending her money it won't be long until he tries to meet her in real life. Act now. You simply must.

dworky · 05/07/2020 12:34

@PopsicleHustler

Sometimes I just wish I dont bother on here. Let's just clear it up so everyone doesnt wet them selves

We have a great marriage
Both are equals .
Kids are happy but no what's important
Hubby calls me a queen and treats me like one.
I feel my husband is the leader and head of the family because hes a good husband and dad.
I'm old school. Oh well couldn't care less.
And yes we are from the 1972 programme wait till your grandfather and father and great uncle get here with their biggest belts episode 198 !

Happy????!!!

Clearly a wind-up. Don't waste your time.
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 05/07/2020 12:38

I’ve been following this thread from the beginning and at first I thought you were being way too laid back about it all but honestly, seeing how this has developed, I think you’ve handled it so well.
You’ve given her a chance to come clean without the pressure or intimidation of feeling cornered. You’ve eliminated any chance of her contacting anyone.
I’d also like to thank you for sharing this situation as you’ve given other people a real look into how even the biggest homebody teens are still vulnerable. It’s awful to think they’re being prayed upon while under your roof but that’s the sad fact we have to accept.
I hope you’ll return and tell us the conclusion of this thread. It’s an important parenting lesson on these risks and it’s imperative to know what the issue was and how it was handled.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 05/07/2020 12:43

I’d also like to thank you for sharing this situation as you’ve given other people a real look into how even the biggest homebody teens are still vulnerable.

If nothing else, this thread has probably been remarkably educational for a number of us.

EinsteinaGogo · 05/07/2020 12:46

@PopsicleHustler

I often deal with a lot of things on my own, and sometimes we deal with it together or sometimes he deals with it himself . But my DH is the head of the family and we are parenting together. If there was something really serious going on then, of course I have to let him know and involve him. Who doesnt!
Oh dear. 🙁
EinsteinaGogo · 05/07/2020 12:50

@Thecraplifethrowsatme

Only on MN when a child is receiving unknown monies into her bank account and everyone is more concerned with a woman who said her husband was 'head of the family'

Depressing!

You're right. Sorry, I got pulled into that too.

OP - I really hope you update and I also really hope that the outcome is less worrying than it might have been.

ballsdeep · 05/07/2020 12:50

@PopsicleHustler

Is it wrong for the husband to be the head of the family. I am too but if I need any help or anything I go to him. He is the leader of our pack. He says the same thing about me so there you go
Confused
PopsicleHustler · 05/07/2020 12:52

@Thecraplifethrowsatme

Thanks. Hope youre having a lovely Sunday:)

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 05/07/2020 12:53

I hope you manage to get to the truth today OP. You're doing the right thing to protect your daughter and I think you've handled it brilliantly.

Sexnotgender · 05/07/2020 12:54

Hope you’ve contacted the police OP.

sadie9 · 05/07/2020 13:03

Put her in the car and drive to the Police Station with a copy of the Bank statement.
Then bring her to the Bank and ask to see the Manager.
That should focus her mind.
If she hasn't done anything wrong, she won't mind doing that.

PopsicleHustler · 05/07/2020 13:05

Thank you @Louise91417 and @Monkey2001

My husband and I are very much a team. Working together and looking out for each other and parenting together.

I sont understand how anyone could be upset that in family problems I involve my husband. He is the dad. He should know the kids have been playing up at school and college. I certainly would want to know . My husband often let's keep deal with things, sometimes he does and sometimes we do it together. I call him a king @Thecraplifethrowsatme most certainly. He very much is the king of my heart and I would be lost without him. He calls me a queen and we have such a laugh and have the same interests. Yes, I do go to my husband with a problem. A problem halved is a problem shared or whatever the saying might be. He often asks me what I think of this and that involving his work or whatever and gets my opinion and asks my advice.
Our eldest was playing up and my husband needed to know . I can and have dealt with it but my husband came home and asked what is the current situation with your homework and when I informed my husband he is still playing up, my husband then addressed the situation.

I couldn't care less what other people think. My children are happy, respectful and work hard even the eldest has started buckling up more after going through his silly stage if not working during a part of lockdown. We have 4 kids and expecting our 5th and work hard to provide for all of them. Thats all. Have a wonderful day everyone and god bless

jeffrey8T · 05/07/2020 13:07

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
MummyInTheNecropolis · 05/07/2020 13:18

I’m afraid there isn’t very much to update. I’ve had more information from DD but none of it really adds up, there is definitely more that she isn’t telling me. I phoned the police at 9am. They couldn’t have sounded less bothered, said they will try to get someone out to us but it is unlikely to be today. I have spoken to the bank, they don’t know much either, though they did confirm that this isn’t a mistake/banking error and have frozen her account.

OP posts:
BobbieDraper · 05/07/2020 13:21

Well the gentle gentle approach clearly isnt working, is it?

Maybe it's time to actually be the tough parent.

PhilCornwall1 · 05/07/2020 13:22

I’ve had more information from DD but none of it really adds up, there is definitely more that she isn’t telling me.

At this point then, I'd be taking her room and belongings apart and be looking for anything suspect.

People will say that's an invasion of her privacy, losing her trust, but that is what it is. Something obviously is amiss here, so I'd give her an ultimatum, talk or I'll take your room and your belongings apart to see what I can find.

Viviennemary · 05/07/2020 13:22

I think you've done the right thing. Because it would be worse if they informed you about irregularities and you'd not said anything. . You will just have to hope your DD gives you the full story. I wouldn't rest as a mother till I had it.

Original poster
MummyInTheNecropolis · 05/07/2020 13:22

Bobbie - I’ve called the police, confiscated her phone and she is not allowed out. What else do you think I should be doing?

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyInTheNecropolis · 05/07/2020 13:24

I’ve been through her room - there is nothing suspicious, she was fine with me going through it. We live in a small flat, our bedrooms have an adjoining door, there aren’t many places to hide things. Definitely no second phone/any other devices.

OP posts:
LEELULUMPKIN · 05/07/2020 13:24

What has she actually admitted to so far OP?

Rollergirl11 · 05/07/2020 13:25

I think you need to come down firm now. You need to know what’s going on! Reassure her that she isn’t in any trouble but she will be if she isn’t straight with you. This is serious. Assure her that she’s got herself in a mess and you can only help her if you’re armed with all the information. You haven’t given her back her phone have you? What does DD’s Dad have to say about it?

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 05/07/2020 13:25

Do you think she will tell you the truth OP?

I'd do what you are doing until she clears it all up, even if it takes weeks.

Louise91417 · 05/07/2020 13:25

I think you are doing everything right here..really difficult situation..from what you have said it does seems your dd knows exactly what the money is for so just persist with your punishment and hopefully she'll crack..good luck

littlelilypad · 05/07/2020 13:28

I think it very much depends on what else she's told you this morning and whether she herself seems a little on edge about you uncovering more information and speaking to the police. Is she worried at all?