Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

DD has had large sums of money put into her account

999 replies

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/07/2020 17:50

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

OP posts:
PopsicleHustler · 05/07/2020 11:32

Hahaha we do have equal footing. Believe you me. He puts me on a pedestal and we have such a great time time together. Theres no sexism in our house. Naturally , my husband is the leader of the family. That's from my point of view. What I mean is by leader of pack, he says to the kids, ask mummy, she is in charge and so on. So we both have equality. I'm just naturally like that. Even growing up my dad was the head of the household. Doesnt mean my mother was less than my dad. I saw them as equals.

EmperorCovidula · 05/07/2020 11:33

What’s on her photo roll? Any pictures of her feet by any chance? It’s common for teenage girls to sell these kinds of fairly innocuous pictures to foot fetishists off Instagram or to squire sugar daddies in a similar fashion.

LEELULUMPKIN · 05/07/2020 11:34

It's getting better "He puts me on a pedestal "

backseatcookers · 05/07/2020 11:34

But my DH is the head of the family and we are parenting together.

What an archaic and sexist attitude your posts have. How about acknowledging that the following would be far healthier:

But my together DH and I are equal is the heads of the family and we are therefore always parenting together as a team, to show our children than men and women are equals and women don't need to defer authority or decision making to men.

Hopefully that's what you actually meant and not that your DH gets the default deciding vote over you.

But sadly I think that is the case, as you describe him as leader of the pack. You backtracked and said he'd say the same about you, but that makes no sense as if you both felt equally leaders you'd just say we are the leaders of our pack.

It's your prerogative of course how you run your family, but you're displaying archaic and unhealthy gender roles and sexist attitudes to your children.

BobbieDraper · 05/07/2020 11:35

Head of the family?

That really only applies in a family business, and even then it is only applicable during business hours or like the monarchy where the Queen is very much the head of the family.

Does anyone else consider someone in their home as the head of the family? Surely we have moved beyond the big man in the house being in charge?

AlexaShutUp · 05/07/2020 11:35

I’m always surprised by this kind of everyday sexism on mumsnet.

Yeah, me too.

The OP has said that she is going to contact the police this morning, so I think people should lay off for now. Yes, personally, I'd have done it yesterday, but that boat has already sailed now, and the OP's judgement was to try to get her dd to tell the truth first. It's easy for us to criticise from the sidelines but not so easy when you're in that situation yourself.

The important thing now is for the OP to get to the bottom of what's going on, and to take steps to safeguard her daughter.

OP, has dd said any more about where the money came from?

netflixismysidehustle · 05/07/2020 11:35
  • Teenagers certainly do nap!!!!!

You aren't kidding!

Mine practically hibernated!*

Mine enjoys a nap too. He's an expert at setting up the pillows and blankets to make the sofa a comfy place to nap.

Dominicgoings · 05/07/2020 11:36

He puts you on a pedestal?
Does he call you his Princess? 😂

Someone1987 · 05/07/2020 11:36

Head of the family?
I don't like the hierarchy of that statement.

PopsicleHustler · 05/07/2020 11:36

Sometimes I just wish I dont bother on here.
Let's just clear it up so everyone doesnt wet them selves

We have a great marriage
Both are equals .
Kids are happy but no what's important
Hubby calls me a queen and treats me like one.
I feel my husband is the leader and head of the family because hes a good husband and dad.
I'm old school. Oh well couldn't care less.
And yes we are from the 1972 programme wait till your grandfather and father and great uncle get here with their biggest belts episode 198 !

Happy????!!!

PopsicleHustler · 05/07/2020 11:37

@netflixismysidehustle that sounds so cute setting up all the cushions and pillows .... how old is he or she?

BobbieDraper · 05/07/2020 11:37

@PopsicleHustler

There is nothing natural about a man being head of the family. It was a socially constructed view which really is no longer acceptable.

It is also impossible to see people as equals when you also day that one of them is the head of the family.

If you are against something, but your husband is for it... who wins? The head of the family?

If your mother was against something, but your husband was for it... who won? The head of the family?

Your attitude is worrying; particularly because you're raising children with this attitude.

backseatcookers · 05/07/2020 11:39

Theres no sexism in our house. Naturally, my husband is the leader of the family.

These are two totally contradictory statements.

He puts me on a pedestal

This really doesn't help your argument. Take my relationship for example, nobody is perfect obviously but partner treats me with huge respect, we are a team, we laugh all the time, we have fun, we don't have fights we have discussions, we want the same things, we are each other's biggest fans.

But I wouldn't say he puts me on a pedestal because none of that is what putting someone on a pedestal means.

Putting someone on a pedestal and means differentiating one party as someone to be admired as the object of the other's affections. It's a statement that does not imply equality at all.

Someone1987 · 05/07/2020 11:39

@PopsicleHustler are you a SAHM?

PhilCornwall1 · 05/07/2020 11:40

Well, this thread certainly got derailed pretty easily.

Dominicgoings · 05/07/2020 11:40

Do you have daughters?

theDudesmummy · 05/07/2020 11:40

"Naturally" your husband is the leader??? WTAF!

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 05/07/2020 11:40

@PopsicleHustler

Hahaha we do have equal footing. Believe you me. He puts me on a pedestal and we have such a great time time together. Theres no sexism in our house. Naturally , my husband is the leader of the family. That's from my point of view. What I mean is by leader of pack, he says to the kids, ask mummy, she is in charge and so on. So we both have equality. I'm just naturally like that. Even growing up my dad was the head of the household. Doesnt mean my mother was less than my dad. I saw them as equals.
if you are going to use the, 'leader of the pack...' analogy, then no, pack animals do not recognise equality. It's top dog who is the leader.

But humans are not pack animals.

Anyway, maybe this should be a separate thread, and apologise for commenting on the OP's thread about auxiliary issues.

Laburnam · 05/07/2020 11:43

The hyenas of Mumsnet strike again

AlexaShutUp · 05/07/2020 11:44

I feel very sad for PopsicleHustler and her children, who must be growing up with an incredibly warped view of gender roles, but let's not allow her archaic views to derail the thread entirely. If she wants to live in the 1950s on the little pedestal to which her husband has so bountifully elevated her, so be it. I'm sure that the kids will wise up sooner or later and realise how fucked up their parents' relationship is.

But that is not what this thread is about. The OP is dealing with a worrying situation with her dd, and may need support.

ActuallyItsEugene · 05/07/2020 11:44

I wouldn't be concerned about county lines (why does everyone on MN go straight for that?) but I would be concerned about Only Fans.

I've seen very creepy men offering women large sums of money for pictures/videos of their feet (and worse obviously.) I've also seen people offering considerable sums for used socks, shoes, underwear...

It would be discreet enough to do under your nose without you realising.

Check her phone. See if she has any SM profiles that you were unaware of.
Definitely contact the police.

Rollergirl11 · 05/07/2020 11:45

Putting someone on a pedestal is absolutely not a healthy thing and not something you should be teaching your daughters to want. It’s controlling and manipulative.

But anyway, I think the thread is getting derailed here.

ellieelephant1 · 05/07/2020 11:45

How's it going OP?

StrawberryPea · 05/07/2020 11:46

*StrawberryPea

A purely hypothetical scenario!

Your DD and her friend have been receiving money for webcam work. Your DD's friend gets sussed about the money, the mum keeps quiet for 24 hours and does not call police. Meanwhile in her bedroom, your DD is cavorting naked around her bedroom doing god knows what for a further 24 hours and happily totting up her bank account.

Be honest, would you be happy if you knew that the other parent was onto something dodgy and did not involve the police?

I don't think you say "oh wow you've handled this beautifully"*

@Thecraplifethrowsatme

What exactly do you think the police would have done on a Saturday night, if the OP had rang to report mysterious money in a bank account? Launched a massive investigation involving door to door investigations of every teenage girl in the area?  On a night when vast numbers of police were tied up dealing with ridiculous pub-opening behaviour? Hmm

OP knows her daughter better than anyone on this thread and I can quite see that giving her a little bit of space overnight to volunteer information could be vastly more productive than a guns blazing approach, on a number of levels.

No one is playing down the seriousness of this at all and of course the police need contacting ASAP, but suggesting the OP is somehow completely out of order for not immediately contacting the police is unfair and unnecessary. The OP needs support not judgement.

zingally · 05/07/2020 11:49

Is there an update OP? Been thinking of you this morning.