DD has had large sums of money put into her account

[MummyInTheNecropolis]

I noticed she had been spending a lot recently, and when questioned she said it was money she had saved up. I was suspicious so opened her bank statement today and she has received £500 from someone I’ve never heard of, in 6 different payments all made in the same day. She claims this must have been paid to her by mistake and she lied because she knew she shouldn’t be spending it. I don’t believe her, but I can’t think why someone would be paying her this amount?

I am planning to phone the bank but I don’t think they’ll be able to tell me much. I wondered if anyone here might have any ideas? DD is 14.

@gotothecooler, follow your username’s suggestion and chill out your paranoia out.. Like most people in mumsnet, I cannot be arsed to change my name to reply to a post.

I never suggested to protect the credit rating over the girl’s welfare and I am not “fucking ridiculous” just a former student financial officer who has seen young people having to drop off university because they couldn’t open a bank account to have their Student Loan paid into. They couldn’t access other financial help either due to being involved in fraud just years before.

The bbc article posted in the thread explains the situation. But I agree the first step is to protect the child then try to carefully protect her financial future.

I hope your DD has opened up to you this morning, OP. Most of the likely sources of the money are serious safeguarding concerns.

I hear a radio show about deets, and sounded very common and scary. Usually the popular kid is enrolled and slowly gets people to know more and more about the scheme, and they are offered to participate. If they don't they are threatned, because they know too much. Ther has been some quite violent attacks in young kids for "teaching" purposes.

Now, I am not saying it is deets in your dc case, or that it is of the bad type. But, it might be that the reason why she may not be telling you, is that she is scared. So she might need good support to come clean.

Hope it gets sorted out!

follow your username’s suggestion and chill out your paranoia out.. Like most people in mumsnet, I cannot be arsed to change my name to reply to a post.

I wasn't being paranoid. I thought it was a possible name change and you had returned that's all, I wasn't suggesting you changed because of this thread. Now you have clarified you are not the same person I was responding to in the text of mine you quoted I am left wondering why you did that? I was telling someone who was advising not letting the bank be aware of this due to credit ratings that that was absolutely not the priority.

I never suggested to protect the credit rating over the girl’s welfare and I am not “fucking ridiculous

My post that you quoted was a direct response to someone who did though. Hence my reply. I really didn't know if you were the same poster coming back or if you had just jumped on that one piece of my post to respond buy the fact remains I said what I said to a poster who did just that.

Could it be something more innocent?
Her dad?

I'm sorry, but I find this post very odd, something just seems off here. I reallly cannot believe that you are being so relaxed about this.

You discover large amounts of money in her account which you can't account for and when you confront her she lies. You then allow her to chill/nap even though she still hasn't come clean. Then incredibly, you give her the night to think it over, still not knowing the truth.

Sorry but you are incredibly naive. If she has got involved with the wrong gang you could find yourself with a brick through your window.

It's seems very odd that you do not want police involvement. I agree no one wants the police at their door, but tbf you have no idea what danger she is in. You do not know what other young girls, possibly her friends, are also involved or what danger they may be in, remember their parents may at this point suspect nothing.

It's all well and good taking the softly, softly 'understanding parent' route, but there are times when very swift, no nonsense action is required and this is such a time. Frankly it sounds as though you are more concerned about the stigma of your DD being spoken to by the police than you are about her welfare.

She will not be in trouble, she is a child!!! Your reaction to this is pretty underwhelming and the speed at which you have moved could have put others like her in serious danger. You need to wake up!!!!!!

@Thecraplifethrowsatme have you even read the post? She’s calling the police today. She wanted to give her daughter a chance to fess up. I think she’s handled it very well and builds a trust with her daughter for future situations.

I wouldn’t have let her leave the room until she told me everything, I would be going absolutely spare in your position op

@Thecraplifethrowsatme

I'm sorry, but I find this post very odd, something just seems off here. I reallly cannot believe that you are being so relaxed about this.

You discover large amounts of money in her account which you can't account for and when you confront her she lies. You then allow her to chill/nap even though she still hasn't come clean. Then incredibly, you give her the night to think it over, still not knowing the truth.

Sorry but you are incredibly naive. If she has got involved with the wrong gang you could find yourself with a brick through your window.

It's seems very odd that you do not want police involvement. I agree no one wants the police at their door, but tbf you have no idea what danger she is in. You do not know what other young girls, possibly her friends, are also involved or what danger they may be in, remember their parents may at this point suspect nothing.

It's all well and good taking the softly, softly 'understanding parent' route, but there are times when very swift, no nonsense action is required and this is such a time. Frankly it sounds as though you are more concerned about the stigma of your DD being spoken to by the police than you are about her welfare.

She will not be in trouble, she is a child!!! Your reaction to this is pretty underwhelming and the speed at which you have moved could have put others like her in serious danger. You need to wake up!!!!!!

Can I suggest that you use Mumsnet's new facility and click on 'OP's posts - see all' at the bottom of the OP, before you post?

@Thecraplifethrowsatme

Are you reading the same thread as me?

She's phoning the police this morning.

She knows her daughter and that if she pushes for answers the daughter will clam up and not give any information.

She has the phone and the daughter next to her so isn't worried that anything will change between her chat last night and contacting the police today.

As far as I can see, she's addressing the issue safely, without alienating her daughter and making her feel ashamed of potentially having been groomed or taken advantage of.

Seems like she's done a cracking job.

Obviously there is a very small risk that daughter will have another phone but presumably Op knows her daughter better than a load of internet randoms.

I'm wishing you well today Op after reading the thread. I have to admit I had never heard of half of the things mentioned here and while I only have a 9 and 6 year old right now, it is very sobering reading.

Really good luck. And well done for the calm way you are managing with your DD.

Yes of course I've read the post. She has no idea where this money has come from, but it's obvious that it isn't innocent. If she has received this money from webcam funds for example, how does she know that other girls she knows aren't involved. Have things gone further? One of these girls could be planning to meet one of these weirdos. Yes it's hypothetical but anything is possible ATM. Waiting 24 hours to contact the police was reckless. Her DD had the chance to 'fess up' but lied and then kept it all to herself. Have you missed her DD's age???? She's 14!!

I think it sounds like you are handling a very tricky situation beautifully OP. Good luck with the police today

@saraclara

I do not need to use the 'see all' facility as I have read the entire thread. I'm sorry but my opinion is still the same.

This is a safeguarding and very serious issue. Yes her daughter may be beside her, but what I am saying is that she may have friends involved in this and their parents do not know. A lot can happen in 24 hours.

At this stage the emphasis should not be on the concern of being too heavy handed with her DD. Something illegal/very wrong is going on and she has just given the perpetrator 24 hours grace.

Sorry, naïveté in the extreme

Safeguarding, safeguarding!!

Not sure why anyone thinks the fact OP has the phone means things are ok and the child can't contact anyone

There is a possibility that if she is involved in the wrong crowd there is a hidden second phone that the OP doesn't know about. Teenagers aren't stupid if they know that their parents have access to their phones.... they will have a second one and if she has been groomed they will know that.

@Thecraplifethrowsatme

Have you? You are saying that the OP doesn't want police involvement, she's said repeatedly that she is contacting the police today.

She's also given her reasons for approaching it in this way. There are a lot of people on here who think that it's a great approach, might not work for you but your approach would not work for them.

OP - you are doing a grand job at parenting. I applaud you.

I'd never heard the term 'deets and squares' It sounds like that is a very plausible idea though.
I also initially wondered if her dad doesn't live with her and he's 'buying' her or whether she's blackmailing someone.
Whatever it is, it sounds dodgy as hell.

How are things today OP?

@StrawberryPea

A purely hypothetical scenario!

Your DD and her friend have been receiving money for webcam work. Your DD's friend gets sussed about the money, the mum keeps quiet for 24 hours and does not call police. Meanwhile in her bedroom, your DD is cavorting naked around her bedroom doing god knows what for a further 24 hours and happily totting up her bank account.

Be honest, would you be happy if you knew that the other parent was onto something dodgy and did not involve the police?

I don't think you say "oh wow you've handled this beautifully"

It’s very easy to be a backseat parent to someone else’s child and say that you would have done x and y, when you’re not actually in the position.

There has to be a middle ground between letting it all slide and going in all guns blazing. Even the police won’t do that. They have specially trained liaison officers who will interview the child over a number of days or even weeks. Her freedom will not be curtailed by the police any more than it is by the OP.

@feelingfragile

Still stands that she has waited 24 hours to contact the police about a very serious safeguarding issue.

I work in safeguarding/education. I have not suggested screaming and shouting or drilling the DD. A very firm "I'm sorry but as your mum I have to put your welfare and safety first because I love you and it is my duty. I have to involve the police as this is very wrong and I do not want another family to go through this or worse"

My concern would be that if she is being used as a money mule, but is keeping the money and not sending it on, she could be in a very real danger.

If its a one off payment that's gone in is it possible someone has done a bank transfer and input incorrect details.
Your D thought incorrectly lucky me and spent some of it. Her saying she doesn't know where it came from is actually true.
It would be worth checking with the bank as well.
No luck there , then police.

Everyone does things differently depending on the situation and circumstances they are in, either involving themselves, their family or their friends.

And I have to agree with @thecraplifethrowsatme response. If I discovered hundreds of pounds being transferred into a child's account or even an adult child account I would be wondering where the hell is that money coming from. I would immediately alert my husband and my husband would get right down to the bottom of it. We are laid back parents but also very strict and no-nonsense. There is something not right here. Either webcam work, mule, goodness knows. Let's just hope for the best here. There is no way i would be allowing naps. And like a PP has said, would have given her the time to erase stuff off her phone. I would seize the phone and her other things like her laptop or tablet and let her know the police will be involved one way or the other. I would also be reminding her she could be in huge trouble the longer this is all kept shtum.
We recently found out our eldest hadn't been submitting a lot of his homework lately. It wasnt softly softly approach. It was all guns blazing because his education is important and we were furious that he hadn't been doing it and was just sort of lulling about rather than getting stuck in. After stern words from dad and treats and privileged being taken away, hes buckled up and completed majority of it. He hasn't had a game or the phone for a week, not allowed to watch his favourite things on YouTube and it will be that way until we see everything is much better.

You are the parent. You are in control. I really hope you're getting to the bottom of this and what's happening with your DD isn't something sinister and criminal. Good luck for today. Wishing you all the best.