Daughter started periods and didn't tell me

[seren2020]

After a quick Google, I've come to realise that it's not so unusual for a child to hide her period, but I'm concerned about her reaction when I tried to talk to her about it.

I've just put a load of washing in, and in there was the underwear she had taken off with her clothes last night when changing into her pj's, she had dumped them on the floor in a pile so I picked them up and straight into the wash basket.

Anyway, there's blood, most I've noticed before was kind of, brownish/reddish discharge stuff (sorry if tmi!) this is the beginning of period proper.

I went to talk to her (she's 12 in Sept) and she hid her face, screamed at me and refused to even listen. Put a cushion over her face and her fingers in her ears and there she stayed until I left the room.

Weird thing is, she had announced a few months ago that her friends had started their period, so why she's like this now, I don't know.

I don't use pads so what do I do?

Drop some in her room and hope she uses them? I didn't expect her to not want to speak to me about it at all, and I'm rubbish at this sort of thing. Raised by a mum who told me nothing at all so I'm quite cack-handed at starting sensitive conversations.

I hid my first period when I was younger. Begrudgingly told my mum when I was running out of sanitary towels and had no way of getting more (I'd had some free ones from a pack in school). The screaming etc is exactly what I did whenever my mum used to try and bring up anything related to my body changing.

Maybe taking her out for a walk or a drive to talk to her would help. I think it's easier to have these conversations when you're not looking directly face to face.

Have you ever talked to your daughter about biology and periods?

Maybe just leave a big supply of pads in her room. I didnt want to talk about it when I started. Just leave her to it.

I'm not sure what to advise here. Was she always open with you about private things before? My eldest is 8 and is very aware of periods, mainly because she sees me buying pads/tampons, taking the pill, and at the toilet sometimes and is quite an inquisitive person. I'm hoping this will help when her time comes.

Could you leave a letter on her bed explaining that this is all very natural and maybe leave her some pads and ask her to come to you when she's ready?

Have you tried doing it by text message? DD2 is very shy and private. She told me she'd started her period by text message and only last week we had a full conversation, sat next to each other, by text message.

Perhaps just text her to say 'I just thought I'd let you know that I've bought some pads and put them . If you want to talk about it, or message me, I'm here. Xx'

My mum spoke to me when I was about 10/11 and left some pads in my knicker drawer for when it happened. Did you have a conversation about them beforehand?

She is probably embarrassed or thought you would be cross, I would buy pads etc in the weekly shop and just give them to her with no fuss.

I hid my periods found them so embarrassing- my mum and step mum wanted me to tell them when I needed stuff which I didn't. I used to use tissue and swore I would never make my daughter do the same.

I've tried talking to my 11 year old. She is embarrassed too - not as bad as op's dd. I've already bought her a pack of junior pads and a cute little purse to carry a few around in. I plan is to just buy them regularly once I know she had started. I occasionally bring the subject up but she has never been interested in her body.

She goes to secondary in September and I know from my DS they deal with this subject in more detail. He had questions so I hope she will too.

I would buy her some chocolate as well.

I would buy a range of pads and put them in her room. I bought stuff well in advance of dd starting. Had you never spoken about it before?

Some kids are open about it others not, I feel as it's embarrassing to them and nothing for you as a parent to feel guilt about. My 12 year old daughter has started her periods but as she couldn't hide it as it started suddenly she reluctantly told me. We had the talk but she was still nervous about confiding in me. I just told her where the pads were and not to be embarrassed about it and she was fine. Inho what you have done is fine, and just mention that if she wants to talk that there will be no judgement and you will listen

I don't have daughters, but I think I'd put some pads in the bathroom cupboard/ her underwear drawer and send her a text/write a note to say they're there.

I didn't want to tell my mum when I started, but had no choice as we were on holiday in America so I couldn't buy anything!

I bought my eldest daughter a book about puberty and periods when she was a bit younger, about 11. She seemed reluctant to talk to me, so I found her an age appropriate book and told her to come to talk to me anytime she wanted. It's not unusual that girls are embarrassed or find it hard to talk about, I didn't force them (have a 19 yr old and a 17 yr old) but also was very open and gave them everything they needed if their period started.

Get her a selection of pads for day and night,some pantyliners and a small bag with a selection of them in there for her school bag.Add in a few scented disposal bags as there is a lot of anxiety about where todispose of things.And a bar of chocolate.
My DD had a small lidded bin too for the to go in and she just tied up the bag and put them in the bin.
Do remember to have top ups incase she is too embarrassed to ask.
We keep our spare stash in a bag in theairing cupboard.
And a text saying to let you know if she needs help, supplies or chocolate.If you stay matter of fact with her she'll come round.

Yeah just leave in her room with a note saying change every six to eight hours and leave in bathroom bin and if she wants to talk or text about it that's fine. She's just embarrassed and in denial. The screaming is her not wanting to admit it's happened.

Don't think I told my mum for quite a while, it does seem embarrassing and "rude". You could write a note and leave it with some pads in her room, something like - let me know when you need more or if you want a cuddle. Or you could suggest a "secret" way to ask, given how self-conscious she is e.g. text, note, code word "could you pick me up some...sellotape at the shops?" etc in the note

Oh bless her. With all that's going on at the moment it probably feels like another thing to add to her list. I'd pop to Boots and get a selection of pads for teens. Lillets Teens range are DDs favourites pink/purple packs for day/night, probably some paranormal and a heat pad/hot water bottle too. Definitely some chocs and treats. I'd put them on her bed with a note . Hugs to you both.

We are pretty open about sex/periods/nudity in our household and everyone chats about anything.
My daughter has just started her period and it has hit her hard. She hates it and finds it quite upsetting. She has been very open with me about it but equally won't leave the house when she is on for fear of needing the loo. I think it's just overwhelming to deal with at such a young age. My daughter as has a query over if she has ASD so I think that might have made it harder.

I'd buy some pads. My dd likes the light bodyform ones (we have tried a few and those seem to fit her tiny body best) and maybe a bar of chocolate. Pop a post it note on the top saying these are for you, I'm here is you need me. We often communicative via note when she is being difficult. it is a good way for her to know you care with out intruding on her personal space when she might want some.

Wow @Healthyandhappy - how incredibly insensitive, smug and unhelpful.

1 of my dds was like this she is incredibly shy and just didn't talk about it just make sure your dd has access to pads and tell her she can ask you anything and then leave it. Changing sanitary products in front of our dds doesn't make us any "closer" to our children

Did you not talk to her/give her any supplies when you noticed the red/brown discharge previously?

*paracetamol not paranormal 🤣 gotta love autocorrect

My dd didnt tell me. A bit odd as ive always been open with her. Apparently she just didnt see the big deal. I just made sure i got her the protection she likes. She doesnt talk about it much but ive had to say stuff, fir instance about not leaving pads in knickers etc. The sort of thing you wouldnt always imagine you need to be specific about. Some girls are just very private

You don't mention whether or not you and her have had any prior discussion on periods, but I wonder why you would not have just bought a supply of pads/tampons/maybe even a mooncup to keep in ready and explain where it will all be kept for whenever she is ready.

Healthyandhappy Posting something unkind with a “lol” dropped in and a couple of xx’s at the end doesn’t make it ok. Your post was unhelpful, unintelligent and unkind, however you sign it.