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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Daughter started periods and didn't tell me

131 replies

seren2020 · 05/06/2020 16:27

After a quick Google, I've come to realise that it's not so unusual for a child to hide her period, but I'm concerned about her reaction when I tried to talk to her about it.

I've just put a load of washing in, and in there was the underwear she had taken off with her clothes last night when changing into her pj's, she had dumped them on the floor in a pile so I picked them up and straight into the wash basket.

Anyway, there's blood, most I've noticed before was kind of, brownish/reddish discharge stuff (sorry if tmi!) this is the beginning of period proper.

I went to talk to her (she's 12 in Sept) and she hid her face, screamed at me and refused to even listen. Put a cushion over her face and her fingers in her ears and there she stayed until I left the room.

Weird thing is, she had announced a few months ago that her friends had started their period, so why she's like this now, I don't know.

I don't use pads so what do I do?

Drop some in her room and hope she uses them? I didn't expect her to not want to speak to me about it at all, and I'm rubbish at this sort of thing. Raised by a mum who told me nothing at all so I'm quite cack-handed at starting sensitive conversations.

OP posts:

BellsaRinging · 05/06/2020 20:45

I did this too. It's a defence mechanism because of embarrassment. Leave her so.e pads in her room, possibly with a note to say to add them to the shopping list when she runs out. Also might help to say if she wants to right any questions down and leave them for you you'll answer them in writing too? Bless her, I remember that time.

Mrsjayy · 05/06/2020 20:55

Just keepstocking up either in the bathroom. Or her bedroom make sure she can bin them so maybe have nappy sacks but most wrap up these days don't ask her each month if she needs any she will cause another fuss. To distract you.

Zogtastic · 05/06/2020 20:57

Friends were telling me the other day how great “period pants” are. Really useful for teenage girls, as no worries about pads showing when changing for pe etc.

LoveBlackpool · 05/06/2020 20:59

Ah sounds like you're getting there with her. My dd was the same. I think the key is to keep her stocked up -that way she never has to ask for them if she is feeling embarrassed. I remember feeling mortified myself when I was 12.

ShinyFootball · 05/06/2020 21:29

'If she doesn’t want to talk about it then put a range of pads in her room and tell her to let you know if she needs more / different ones / her periods are painful.'

Done and done!

Pads in girls bathroom pointed out and with disposal bags.

Got her to choose a nice toiletry bag to put some in to take to school, she kept taking it out.

It will pass. It's a difficult time for girls esp if on the younger side, either in age or emotional development.

user1487194234 · 05/06/2020 21:32

My DD was quite late in starting so we had had'the talk' a few times and she had a packet of pads in her drawer and knew there were other sp in my bathroom
Having said that she didn't actually tell me when she started,which I was a bit surprised at
I realised when emptying her bin
I thought about saying something but didn't as I thought it breached her privacy
A few months down the line we unexpectedly stayed overnight and she said very matter of factly did I have any pads
She never seems up nor down when on
A few of my friends' daughters have had lots of issues and others had lots of fuss eg period boxes and even a ' coming into womanhood dinner)'
We are close but I can be a bit'need to know' about everything so maybe she takes after me

bowchicawowwow · 05/06/2020 21:38

My DD didn't tell me for the first 24hrs, until I got to the washing bin... she was only 11 though and she's also fairly private. After the initial surprise she's fine about it. I think a lot of her reaction was just down to her age and not knowing how to start the conversation.

ShinyFootball · 05/06/2020 21:42

I think those with children who won't talk, hide it etc

Don't feel too bad or think you've done something wrong.

I did the same approach with mine.
They both started in the holidays before year 6, summer babies so had only just turned 10.

I had talked to them, given them books etc etc I'm not embarrassed about that stuff.

One was fine and got on with it.
The other one was freaked out and simply will not talk about it. Just remembered I found a load of hidden underwear a couple months back.

Periods are rubbish. And come so young sometimes when they are emotionally not ready at all. They all get the hang of it. Don't make a battle of it especially if it's very embarrassing for the child.

If a boy was having wet dreams would you keep going on about him changing his sheets and putting them in the laundry basket and telling you do you knew they were there? I'm guessing not as it would embarrass him. It's a similar situation. Which will resolve.

AnnaNimmity · 05/06/2020 21:42

one of my (3 teen) dds didn't tell me either. I think it's quite normal - she's very reserved and embarrassed about the whole thing. My other dds were very different! She did tell her older sister and we always have a full supply of supplies in the house.

Lougle · 05/06/2020 22:09

@ActuallyItsEugene I have 3 DDs. I always mentioned if I'm on my period when I'm using the loo, if they were near me - just open and natural. I explained it, when they were young, that:
'Every month my body makes a special cushion of blood, just in case I decide I want a baby. When my body knows I don't want a baby, it lets the blood go away through my vagina, which is my period.'

ActuallyItsEugene · 05/06/2020 23:57

@Lougle I like that, thank you! She starting to pick up on things more now (talking about boobies is apparently hilarious ) and it's only a matter of time before she starts questioning I'm sure.

june2007 · 06/06/2020 00:05

I dind,t tell my mum, but I knew where the pads were kep and got my own. Just give her some pads, don,t force anything. Perhaps ask her to look up Chilla Quinn. She is fab.

DCIRozHuntley · 06/06/2020 00:13

Does she definitely know it's normal for a period to be brownish? I had 2 periods before I realised it was periods. I was so embarrassed. I thought there was something wrong with me - I was convinced it was coming out of my bum. I knew about periods but expected bright red blood and lots of it, not weird brown smears, which mine were like at first.

Graciebobcat · 06/06/2020 00:21

DD2 (11) has had her own supply of pads for some time now as did DD1, though she didn't start until she was 13 (think it may happen a bit sooner for DD2).

I remember how mortified I was telling my mum I'd started my period. In fact I couldn't even say the words "I've started my periods," I just said something like "Er, mum, I had an accident in my pants and there is blood..." DD1 told me by text as I'd gone to work and she'd gone to school "I started my periods by the way, LOL." We then talked about it when I got home.

I think it's easier if they have their own supplies and can just then help themselves and tell you when they want to.

M0mmyneedswine · 06/06/2020 00:41

Before dd started senior school i stocked the bathroom cupboard and put some in a pencil case for school bag. Showed her where they were and how to use them. She had first period at 13 we had tears from the shock but has managed since with me just restocking when i see they are low

Summer135 · 06/06/2020 01:06

My mum gave me a little toiletry bag with pads, wipes, paracetamol, a few tiny bags (maybe nappy bags) and chocolate. She told me to put it in the bottom of my school bag and I will always have them. It worked so well and I will do the same for my little girl one day too.

I wasn't shy and was very open - I know everyone is different. But maybe but a little bag on her pillow with a little note, it might be easier to read than talk about it.

Diverseduvet · 06/06/2020 01:25

My mum never bought me anything for my periods ever. One day I went in my room and she had put a towel in the bed and asked me why I wasn't using 'sanitary protection'. I didn't have any money, that's why! I will never forgive her. So well done all you lovely mums. Even if it's awkward you're making sure your girls have what they need.

mummmy2017 · 06/06/2020 09:33

If you have a spare pack on hand, maybe in a box in the bathroom, that you can keep an eye on and replace as soon as you see it has gone, so your daughter is never caught out.
If you know her bra size ASDA used to have some plain white simple Bras, you could just buy a set and leave on her bed, put the bag there, with a note.
Try these see if they fit, call me if you need help, or they seem too big.

Original poster

seren2020 · 06/06/2020 10:01

Well this morning, she called me to the bathroom to announce there was a lot more blood on the pad. She let me in the bathroom to have a look and then I put the washing in the basket for her, she seems much more relaxed about it now and considering there was a good amount of blood (she says it's definitely her first time), there weren't tears or anything so I think she handled it quite well.

I'll look into period pants as an added protection, thanks everyone.

OP posts:

Mischance · 06/06/2020 10:14

Poor lass - it can be such a difficult transition for some. I think you are doing the right things - providing her with the necessary supplies in a tactful way. She just needs a bit of time to adapt. It will all settle - she probably does most of her chatting about it with her peers - they will support each other.

At least you are not like my Mum was - I had to tell her straight away as I had no supplies and my periods were very heavy indeed from day one. She insisted that for the first period I must leave the used towel on the floor of the toilet so she could "check it" - what the heck!?

My personal opinion is that periods are a design fault. If there is a god and I ever get to speak with him (has to be a him!) I will definitely tell him so!

Mischance · 06/06/2020 10:16

I typed my post before I saw the update - that is splendid news OP. You clearly handled it well.

Oatsandraisens · 06/06/2020 11:02

I have found this thread so useful and reassuring! The period pants that are being mentioned, are they used on their own? I've looked at Modi bodi and cheeky wipes, cheeky wipes say they need to be changed through the day, is that also the case for Modi bodi?

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/06/2020 12:32

@Oatsandraisens

It depends on how heavy you are. The moderate to heavy flow modibodi last all day with my dd then a change for overnight. She definitely had a fair amount of blood and take a bit of rinsing. She has worn them 24 hours on lighter flow days and I’ve had to tell her she should be changing them morning and evening. They also do heavy / overnight ones.

@seren2020
Modibodi isn’t designed as an addition but instead of pads. You would have to flood to need both.

Original poster

seren2020 · 06/06/2020 12:54

Oh, OK. Because I had a quick look on amazon and the ones on there say they are for use in addition to pads etc. My mistake :)

OP posts:

Hagisonthehill · 06/06/2020 13:09

Chocolate help acknowledge that periods can make you feel like shit and helps.
I also gave my DD some ibuprofen melts for school as they can easily be used at any time.
My DD started in junior school but I had prepared her for it and she had her little school bag and dealt with it well.
She's 17 now,she went on the pill for her GCSEs and is loving the freedom.She uses a mooncup when she has periods.
I had the most horrendous periods,my mum just provided pads and didn't talk about it.I was determined my DDS experience would be better.

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