Daughter started periods and didn't tell me

[seren2020]

After a quick Google, I've come to realise that it's not so unusual for a child to hide her period, but I'm concerned about her reaction when I tried to talk to her about it.

I've just put a load of washing in, and in there was the underwear she had taken off with her clothes last night when changing into her pj's, she had dumped them on the floor in a pile so I picked them up and straight into the wash basket.

Anyway, there's blood, most I've noticed before was kind of, brownish/reddish discharge stuff (sorry if tmi!) this is the beginning of period proper.

I went to talk to her (she's 12 in Sept) and she hid her face, screamed at me and refused to even listen. Put a cushion over her face and her fingers in her ears and there she stayed until I left the room.

Weird thing is, she had announced a few months ago that her friends had started their period, so why she's like this now, I don't know.

I don't use pads so what do I do?

Drop some in her room and hope she uses them? I didn't expect her to not want to speak to me about it at all, and I'm rubbish at this sort of thing. Raised by a mum who told me nothing at all so I'm quite cack-handed at starting sensitive conversations.

Amazon has saved the day. Girly bits on order. And I know, I left it too late.

It wasn't me who was embarrassed when I was that age, it was DM - she left it to the school, never actually talked to me herself. When I came home after "the talk" at primary school, she told me that she had cleared the bottom drawer in my room and had put some pads in there for me to use when I eventually started, and that she'd make sure I always had some. That was it, nothing more ever said, just this bottomless pile of pads in my room for me to use. I wouldn't have minded if she'd left me some chocolate too ...

Mine both did that when they started. One didn't say anything and got on with it. The other will not discuss it and claps her hands over her ears and runs away. She seems to be actually managing them ok.

They both started in the summer hols after year 5 when they had just turned ten (summer babies) it's so young :(

Op if your daughter is having her period now, what is she using? Surely she can't wait for an amazon delivery? That would be so uncomfortable and unpleasant for her.

I’d had lots of little chats with my dd before she started her period about what was going to happen, and how it’s completely normal, how she can talk to me etc so I was so surprised when she started hers and was in complete denial. She would talk to me about periods but not hers, she refused to wear sanitary protection and would hide soiled underwear in her room.
I felt like such a failure but I never let her know that and I would drop into conversation where the sanitary towels were and if she needed anything else to let me know. She came round to it in the end but it was a good few months of her ignoring and me acting ‘cool’.

I remember being mortified at starting. My mum was away for the weekend and had never told me where pads/anything was kept in the house.

I hid it from my dad for 48 hours until my mum was back and grudgingly showed her
She was so fucking excited about 'something happening' it made everything worse and I just wanted to be left alone to get on with it by myself.

A few years later (I assume once her periods stopped) she got rid of the bathroom bin which essentially forced me to mooch to the kitchen to dispose of everything.

Make sure she knows where pads are and put deodorant in her room without saying anything. Make sure she has access to a bathroom bin.

Let her know you are there to talk - and have paracetamol/ibruprofen/hotwaterbottle if she needs it. She may never want to discuss it - dont force it. It's a hard time

Seriously OP, she needs something now. Go to the shop!

I had already chatted to my daughter about periods etc but I found out they had started when i went to empty her laundry bin and found stained underwear. She’s 10.
Lil lets do a sample of different pads etc in a little zipped up pouch. Amazon sell it. Definitely worth buying teen pads. Adult ones don’t fit in 10 year olds underwear.

I didn't want to speak to my Mum about it. I was 13. I text her to tell her, and to ask if she could buy me pads (she was at work, but even if she had been at home I don't think I'd have spoken to her face to face!)

Hang on, is the on her period right now with no pads?

Have you seen period pants? They were a God send for my asd DD as they are just pants, nothing odd, nothing to throw away.

The lillets teen range are good

Go and get some pads now, you can't leave her with nothing. Just get normal flow adult ones for now

Reading your updates sounds like my dd, she gets furious if I try to buy her a new bra. Will not even speak to me I the shops about what she wants me to buy. Then complains she has no underwear 🙄
I buy her sports bras she prefers them to more grown up looking bras.

And I bought her a load of different types of pads and told her to let me know which she preferred and she has.

Still refuses to discuss bras and won’t let me measure her so I left her instructions on how to measure herself and told her to write it down a and give me the paper so I could buy correct (or near correct) and comfortable underwear for her.

It’s normal. Mine hates the thought of growing up. But she’s slowly accepting it.

My dd (11) started in lockdown. She’s had a couple of periods now. She didn’t want to know beforehand either and was in absolute denial. I did talk to her about periods to prepare her and bought her lillet teen pads for when it happened. I also let her know I would buy her some period pants. But couldn’t really until I knew her size.

First was a very light period despite that she was constantly changing as she couldn’t stand the sight of blood. Second lillets weren’t absorbent enough. They are teeny tiny things.

Then as soon as dd started I bought her some moderate to heavy flow period pants from modi bodi in the Red / teen range. They’re really expensive but absolutely brilliant. She can wear one pair of knickers all day. Nb amazon do them cheaper - idk what the quality is in comparison. I’ve also bought her a period swimsuit from modi bodi too so she can enjoy summer in the garden with friends.

Idk if your budget stretches but if your dd doesn’t get on with pads, the pants may be better. You just have to rinse the blood out before popping them in the wash. Your dd doesn’t really need to know this if she’s in real denial.

'Why haven't half of you nitwits actually talked to your daughters about this as they're growing up? What the hell...'

I have since they were little, bought books about puberty etc for them to read, looked at them with them, also talked about consent, internet safety regularly etc etc all age appropriate obv.

I have no qualms about this and think better to be prepared.

The older one was fine (but didn't tell me). The younger one will literally not talk about it and I don't want to make it a 'thing' a battleground.

She will get the hang of it as she gets older. I do feel for her. She is very young in her personality. Playing with toys, very innocent etc. She started puberty at 8.5 as did her sister, periods 1 month after 10th birthday. It is young to deal with this stuff and if they struggle to deal, well. It's understandable and I'm not going to turn it into a big issue.

I forgot to say about the bra. My dd doesn’t want one either. She doesn’t need one yet. I’ve just let her know when she’s ready, I’ll get her one. She will probably go for sports bras. But not yet. If she does develop a more, I will get her one to try.

My younger one won't even countenance a bra. She's in year 6 and will be 11 in a month.

I'm not going to press it.

It's hard isn't it but with this stuff, it resolves and then there's a new pressing issue to worry about!

Well the amazon delivery is due tomorrow as I have prime but yes, will go to the shop now. She's not in a full flow or anything, I just meant it looked more like blood than discharge.

My older one has the plain white vest type bras from sloggi (expensive). Why do they all have to have bows etc? I have to refer to it as a 'vest top' as well.

If she doesn’t want to talk about it then put a range of pads in her room and tell her to let you know if she needs more / different ones / her periods are painful.

I would try her on period pants and maybe a mooncup mine found them much more acceptable than disposable pads/tampons. No rustling of packaging at school. One has fairly light periods and just uses pants. I am sure some people won't like the idea, but it suits my dd and is environmentally friendly, plus it doesn't run out. They do cost more initially but they last for a few years. Ours haven't worn out yet.

My DD started at 12 a friend of hers at primary had started at 9 and she reacted like your DD op. Hiding stained underwear and sanitary pads. She refused to talk about it and had really heavy prolonged periods (sometimes with only two weeks off) then she wouldn’t have a period for three months.

I think it's the shock of it I think. As others have said say nothing, put pads in drawer with some chocolate and she will talk to you when ready