DS15 not come home and it's 3.17am

[worriedmum80]

Not sure why I'm posting here just need some positive hope and words.

DS15 went out with mates at 5pm told me he'd be back at 10pm.
I texted him at 9.40 asking him not to be late as I was going to bed with DD8mnths. He replied I'll be 40 mins my phone battery is on 2%.
That's the last I've heard from him!!

I'm been trying his phone and it's obviously off now, I e ring the police and reported him missing now I'm just sat here shaking, worried thinking the worst. What more can I do, I feel hopeless! Can't go driving looking around for him, the baby's in bed asleep.

He's not the best behaved teenager, admitted he goes to party with his mates, they sometimes have a few drinks just the usual "teenage" stuff.
Now I'm worried he's got drunk passed out somewhere or been in a fight and in a bad way somewhere. Why would he say he'd be 40 mins. The latest he's ever been is maybe 11-11.30

Of course the OP did the right thing reporting him missing, anything could have happened.

I would also be concerned about the drinking although I did know people who were drinking quite a bit when I was that age in 1970.

If I had been his friend's parent I would have phoned the OP to let her know he was safe. On the one occasion my daughter stayed out all night, aged about 17 and before people had mobile phones, she used her friend's parents house phone. Her reason for staying out was a deep snowfall and she turned up the following morning wearing her friend's Mum's trousers and wellies.

you might not call the police but the op did, and they acted on her request.
pointless to say you wouldnt when it is already done.

Have to say, I never got round to calling the police...though I did consider it a couple of times. There was one particular weekend when he was 16 when he disappeared for two nights...but we had already been party to his nonsense prior to that, so held off rightly assuming he was ‘at it’.

Perhaps the fact that you actually did get the police involved will be a deterrent.

In other news, we have ended up housing incredibly drunk boys that ds has brought home to sleep it off, a handful of times. Boys that were too scared and/or drunk to go home. If I knew the parents I would message them...but on a couple of occasions I didn’t know them so they would be none the wiser.

I’d issue tea and toast in the morning and tell them to put their poor parents out of their misery with a text.

OP you sound like a lovely mum and you handled this 100% right in my opinion. It cannot have been easy ringing the police, but it was the right thing to do.

I hope you all get some rest today and that you can get through to him later to prevent it happening again. Hopefully the police will be very stern too with him, eg about him using up police resources when he should have just told you the truth!

That is a 15 year old child with an out of control binge drinking/alcoholic disorder...I think the real serious problem here is he is in very deep with drinking

Quite a leap here. It's entirely possible (in fact fairly likely, that this is the first time he's ever got this drunk, and has probably given himself a bit of a fright. Of course 15 year olds shouldn't be drinking, but to suggest an out of control binge drinking/alcoholic disorder is a tad hysterical.

Great news!

@Fantababy If you read the OP, she says he regularly has 'a few drinks' with his mates. It seems to be escalating. It is not hysterical at all, in fact it's scary you don't take this seriously.

At least he's not in any danger!!
I think it's bad on the mom of the other child for not wanting to contact you in the first place to let you know your son was round there!!

Nope I never did either I always told my mum I wasn’t coming home and staying over friends houses so she would not worry

It’s a lesson I think it telling you or making sure the mate does is has less impact than not

@justwondering really? You wouldn't be concerned if a fifteen year old didn't come home? Where I live people older than fifteen have fallen into the river while walking home drunk. Plainly you have different standards

Nope, not kidding, he's 15. Not 5. A stern talking to when he finally comes home fine, but I think it's obvious that he was just a teen doing teen things. Reporting to the police - OTT. The drinking is a separate issue. I'm glad he's okay (sorry I didn't say that in my first post), I just think OP totally overreacted.

@IdiotInDisguise my parents were kind of average. They certainly cared, but they also understood that teenagers are very easily influenced by friends and that socialising is probably more important to them than anything else do some unsavoury things. Nothing to do with standards. I feel sorry for anyone who's parents were so overprotective they never even had 1 experience like that, you missed out

OP just to warn you, this is mumsnet, so now it’s time for people to slide into the thread to tell you how remiss you are as a parent as well as how horrific and worrying your son’s conduct is.
The object is to ensure you leave the thread pickled in shame, guilt and anxiety over this most common of scenarios.
You might as well ditch it now.

YANBU , OP and I never did that at 15 yrs old. It wouldhave killed my mum and then she would have killed me!

I hope the police scare the bajeebas out of him ad he does not repeat. And don't let him sleep all day- he has chosen to act like an adult in drinking and needs to manage his hangover like an adult and get on with it.

He needs a bollocking

@Justwondering605 A 15 year old is a child. It is to do with being an actual parent and parenting your child. Nothing remotely to do with overprotective, in fact, what you are suggesting is being underprotective and negligent.

Glad for you OP. What a relief.

Ignore justwondering, who seemed to think it was** perfectly ok for a 15yo child not to come home ALL NIGHT. I would have phoned the police too in your situation.

And there we have it.

I'm so glad your sons ok. Hopefully the ride in a police car will shit him up enough he won't do nothing like it again.

I feel like a massive asshole now looking back on my teenage years

I'm so glad he is safe. I'd have been out of mind with worry.
Hope you can find a way to make him realise what he's done .

@Justwondering605

Nope, not kidding, he's 15. Not 5. A stern talking to when he finally comes home fine, but I think it's obvious that he was just a teen doing teen things.

Of course it wasn't obvious. If my 15 year old told me they would be home in 40 minutes and still wasn't home HOURS later I would be fucking frantic. Of course it was right to call the police. Anything could have happened. What part of the situation made it 'obvious' they were just being a teen?

You jumped in this thread to have a go at OP for giving a shit. Did it make you feel good? Because it made you look like you were being deliberately nasty.

Yes because it is so wrong for adults on mumsnet to point out that a 15 year old child regularly drinking and now drinking to the stage he loses motor skills is apparently a 'bad' thing.

I had plenty of awesome experiences as a teenager, I always let my parents know where I was though And what time I’d be home, no way I’d want them waiting up worrying. Bit of respect isn’t it. Don’t feel sorry for me justwondering , you can have those nights without putting stress on your parents.

They may have told the other mum that they have informed OP of what is happening. The plotting of a teen. Don't jump to conclusions. She'll probably be mortified when the police turn up at her door, the friend will be in trouble and she won't trust him in future. The knock on effect of the incident.

I'm so pleased he's safe and sound.

@Justwondering605 web have two dc over the age of 15 and not once have they, or any of their friends ever not come home and not been in touch. This free rein that people are allowing their children under the guise of 'normal teenage behaviour' is the very reason we have so many problems with gangs and anti social behaviour.
I would absolutely expect to know where my 15 year old is in the middle of the night.
If my 18 year old chooses to stay out, that's his business but as a member of this household, I would still expect a text as a matter of courtesy. I know immediately if he doesn't let me know, that something is wrong.
I don't understand your attitude and thankfully, it seems to be in the minority here.
Op, glad your son is ok.

So pleased he's home OP, what a worry for you! I've got teenage boys so I know what they can be like. DS2 got drunk on vodka (bought by the older sister of one of his friends ) when he was 15 and passed out. Luckily one of his friends had yet sense to phone me. He felt horrendous the next day and it did put him off drinking. Don't beat yourself up, these things do happen occasionally. The important thing is that he learns from his mistake!