This is going to be long so you have my apologies.
Up until now my dd has been a lovely teenager to be around. We were really close and got on.
She has quite a negative opinion of herself looks which I find ridiculous even removing bias.
She hadn't had a boyfriend until this May and she " met a boy" on Instagram. He knows one of her Male schoolfriends and they started chatting.
I wasnt concerned at all.
He lives 50 miles away so I thought this will be good really as she won't see him so much that it will have a negative effect on her schoolwork, family, hobbies and friends.
How wrong I was.
She has changed so much and I just need to vent really. I know what I think deep down.
I have met him and felt guarded towards him but put that down to being protective mum etc.
A few weeks ago she asked if she could attend a party at one of his friends house ( a friend I do not know and who lives by him) so miles away.
I was at work until late and said I didn't want to drive over as i had an early start. Plus she had seen him at our house 2 days before.
Anyway she was furious at this and suggested she got the train. I point blank refused as she hasn't ever got the train alone before due to her going to school in a rural area. I tend to drive her in or a school bus collects her.
That aside it is an hour and a half journey. 2 stops, passing through to different cities and she wanted to go at 7pm and get the last train at 11pm.
Again I said nope. Too young, too alone, too unsafe and as I didn't know where she was going it wasnt going to change.
She completely lost her temper and screaming how much she hates me etc.
I checked her phone later that evening and this boyfriend was saying stuff like
" your parents don't care about you baby, they just care about upsetting you"
" your dad is a wanker and your mum is a bitch"
I spoke to her about it and she said he was just angry.
I asked her to text him and say look it isn't going to happen just leave it.
And as she picked her phone up he messaged and it said
" I am going to wank in your face and then slap you"
I took the phone off her at this point. I'm not naive enough to think they talk about the weather. I was a teenager once but I was majorly uncomfortable with this.
When she had her phone back I told her I wanted to check it as and when I felt the need.
One evening she had fell asleep with it next to her ( earlier than phones downstairs time)
So I took it and brought it downstairs to charge.
A message popped up
" you said we could do bondage and make porn, you would if you loved me"
I then messaged him and said this is her mother and I suggest you rethink what you have just said.
He then dumped her as I'm such a bitch.
She seemed happier and said she wasnt talking to him but I found out yesterday she still is and they are back together.
And he has been applying for part time weekend jobs for her so I cant take her phone off her if she pays for it.
She has changed beyond all recognition and clearly hates me right now. She is utterly besotted with him.
Other messages I have seen off him go on about her being imperfect but this makes her more appealing princess
I cant help but think it all seems very manipulative.
I'm not even sure why I am writing this I'm just so worried about how much she has changed.
Any advice?
Give me a toddler any day. Jesus christ 
Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.
Teenagers
At a complete loss over dd age 14
Carrotcakeforbreakfast · 22/11/2019 22:28
He isn't 16 for another 10 months.
I will he watching very closely at around the time he turns 16.
Because he dares step a foot wrong and I will destroy him.
Ironically he wants to he a solicitor. 
OP I just want to say what a fantastic family you are.
When I was your DDs age the internet and social media were a new thing and my parents didn't know anything about it.
I ended up in a similar (but worse) situation to your DD and it ruined me and my image of relationships, sex and women for years.
Well done you for dealing with this so well. One day she will thank you. My parents still don't know the full details of what happened to me in my younger years and I'll never tell them because the guilt will destroy them.
I hope things turn out well for you and your DD very soon, she's very lucky to have you and she will one day realise that.
for you both.
I think getting the police to speak to your daughter is for the best op as hopefully they can tell her also of how much a dangerous situation she is in with him, and I would not let her have access to any devices in what she can access the internet as she needs him gone asap ....handheld for you op as its turned my stomach just reading it 
I genuinely feel sick with fear reading this thread. You’re doing the right thing & I very much hope this will become a distant memory & a life long lesson for your DD.
Hang in there, you’ve got this
Police will take her phone.
Op you're doing the right thing.
Stay strong.
For both your sakes.
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OP - sending you strength for all you're going through. You're doing amazingly well, even if it doesn't feel like it. I hope that everything comes together to put a stop to their "relationship" - ie his mother takes this seriously, the police talk some sense into your DD, and her school offer some solid support.
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