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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Would your teen be offended by the following

148 replies

AvenueQ · 22/08/2019 19:03

A parent saying about a pool at the holiday villa

"We'll have to send you lot to bed early so that (other parent) and I can go skinny dipping"

OP posts:

Haffdonga · 23/08/2019 10:03

You haven't explained why you are so angry at your dh.

You have conveyed the impression to your dd that her teenage tantrum is entirely justified and that your dh is indeed an oaf. By siding with her over something so ridiculous you'll only create an us vs him dynamic and make the rift between them wider.

Stop feeding the drama. Tell her that she's being ridiculous, if she didn't it realise before both you and her father are naked underneath your clothes and make a joke about not wanting to frighten the fish (or something).

Graphista · 23/08/2019 10:06

It's the angry reaction that concerns me. It's exactly how I would have reacted to such a comment made after I realised I wasn't safe with him.

I agree most teens would react to such a comment with more of embarrassment or the reaction to a corny joke.

If you really think your husband is completely not a threat then I think you need to consider if dd has been abused/assaulted by someone else probably quite recently.

Anger is how we respond to things we find threatening, discomfiting or extremely irritating.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2019 10:10

Even IF that really isn't the case here (and I'm not saying it definitely is) what he said WAS inappropriate and offensive and yes he should apologise and not make similar comments in future.

No it wasn't for goodness sake.

It was a simple joke about 2 married grown ups swimming without swimsuits.

Honestly, it amazes me how some people get through a day with the amount of things they find 'offensive' and 'inappropriate'.

Original poster

AvenueQ · 23/08/2019 10:17

I am 100 % sure that dh is in no way a threat to dd. He never ever normally makes comments like this.
He would never not respect her personal space.
He and ds like to make fart jokes etc, but not aimed at her but even if she's not in the room and she overhears them they make her angry.
She's always hated seeing any coupley scenes on tv as well and cringes with those

I've tried to tell her that she overreacted and now she's angry at me as well.

OP posts:

NameChangeforHoliday123 · 23/08/2019 10:18

I wonder if it wasn't the skinny dipping that was the problem, or the main problem, but the fact he said he wanted her out of the way. She's on holiday, and wanting to enjoy herself. She doesn't want to be sent to bed like a child for any reason. I wonder if she has a feeling your DH doesn't want her around at the best of times, and is feeling pushed out by him.

Original poster

AvenueQ · 23/08/2019 10:21

She's more likely to disappear of her own accord. There's absolutely no way we'd actually send them to bed. She hasn't really had a set bedtime for years.
We are not on holiday yet, this was talking about next week.

OP posts:

Pinkblueberry · 23/08/2019 10:22

He would never not respect her personal space.
He and ds like to make fart jokes etc, but not aimed at her but even if she's not in the room and she overhears them they make her angry.
She's always hated seeing any coupley scenes on tv as well and cringes with those

We’ll surely it doesn’t take a genius to know that for a sixteen year old that’s not normal. She’s obviously got some issues that you need to investigate and help her to overcome, I can’t believe knowing this you were willing to get angry with your husband on her behalf.

Her0utdoors · 23/08/2019 10:22

A step father said it to his step daughter? Yeah, that's pretty grotty, I wouldn't be happy with him. Birth parents, less so.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2019 10:22

He and ds like to make fart jokes etc, but not aimed at her but even if she's not in the room and she overhears them they make her angry.

I've tried to tell her that she overreacted and now she's angry at me as well.

Just leave her to stew in her own juice and stop feeding the drama.

Go out for the day with your DH and enjoy yourselves.

Perhaps when she knows her silly little tantrums aren't bringing her the attention she craves, she'll stop throwing them.

Openup · 23/08/2019 10:23

Your dad is completely overreacting and you aren't helping, you need to back your do up on this.
Tell her to get a grip, the man was making a joke! I have 2 teenagers and they would know that it was a joke.

QueenofallIsee · 23/08/2019 10:27

Your DD sounds like she has the entire household walking on eggshells and is a disrespectful little madam to boot. Getting shirty with her father if he makes a fart joke? ‘Raging’ at the suggestion she may not be the centre of the universe and parents might like to be alone. You need to address why she thinks this is acceptable behaviour OP.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/08/2019 10:31

Is there anyone you can leave her with? If this is her constant attitude I'd tell her that she's very close to not coming on holiday.

beccarocksbaby · 23/08/2019 19:02

@Her0utdoors the op has already said it's her biological father

Bouledeneige · 25/08/2019 09:47

I have been skinny dipping a few tunes in my life and it never led to sex! The last time was a couple of years ago when I was in Australia with my boyfriend. It was great.

I told my teenage kids and they were cringe about it. So what? They were being ridiculous. It's a really liberating feeling. We did not have sex and I pointed out to them they were being prudish.

But your DP - poor man, was clearly joking and your DD was being a drama queen. Why on earth would you pander to it? Back up your DP and tell your daughter not to be ridiculous.

MrsAJ27 · 25/08/2019 10:13

Your DD sounds like a drama queen and you are indulging her. Tell her to get a grip and lighten up.

Getting angry at jokes/banter that isnt offensive is a total overreaction.

You being angry at your DH is extreme and NO he doesn't need to apologise

Aprillygirl · 25/08/2019 10:15

I have been skinny dipping a few tunes in my life and it never led to sex!

Maybe it's just me then

areyoutheredenise · 25/08/2019 10:15

Yes if that were my DD she'd be getting told to grow up and stop being a drama queen. Hopefully you won't have to walk around on eggshells all holiday in case something offends her!

Theimpossiblegirl · 25/08/2019 10:18

Mine would have just rolled their eyes or given a sarky comment.

Bit if they don't get on its just another excuse to get wound up I suppose. Perhaps they need to work on their relationship.

wichitalinemanswoman · 25/08/2019 10:18

It's skinny dipping not a pool orgy. Since when is skinny dipping something to be outraged by

Techway · 25/08/2019 10:45

How long has your daughter been like this?

Thought it might just be a reaction to your dh but now she seems to have turned on you for correcting her.

If she regularly causes drama and upset at being corrected or she easily takes offence to what others say then she needs firm boundaries now. Her dad (or anyone else in the house) should not have to walk on eggshells around her.

In 2 years she could be at Uni and she needs to learn to be more tolerant of others. She chooses how to react, raging is extreme and she has to learn to process emotions healthily. If she rages, hold grudges, sulks, gives silent treatment she will have (and be the cause of) very unhappy relationships in future.

She maybe very emotionally immature but that won't help her in life.

1066vegan · 26/08/2019 17:00

Your dh has absolutely nothing to apologise for.

It's the sort of silly joke that dp or I would make to try and wind up our 16 year old dd.
She'd pull a face or tell us to stop being so gross. She certainly wouldn't be upset let alone be raging about it.

1066vegan · 26/08/2019 17:03

I do feel sorry for your dh. Not only has your dd totally overreacted to a crap joke, but you've also been angry with the poor bloke who's done nothing wrong.

Thornhill58 · 26/08/2019 17:22

Your DD is overreacting and has humour failure. Unless it's true then will be yuk and horrifying to swim in that pool again. Teens are very sensitive to us old people.

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