Would your teen be offended by the following

[AvenueQ]

A parent saying about a pool at the holiday villa

"We'll have to send you lot to bed early so that (other parent) and I can go skinny dipping"

When my son was 15-17 he had extremely negative reactions to the concept of anyone being remotely interested in me in a romantic/sexual way.

He would literally clench his fists and would start breathing really loudly (I don't know how else to put this... he was basically deep breathing through his teeth, it was extremely intimidating) whilst staring at the "offender". This could be as innocent as a male cashier having a friendly chat while I was bagging up my shopping.

At the time he was dealing with a lot of losses/bereavements and underlying the whole issue was a deep-seated fear of losing me - that I would get into a new relationship and cast DS aside.

I can imagine him at that age reacting to the skinny dipping comment in the same way. However, I don't think he'd have reacted the same way if it was his own dad. His dad and I were always open and honest about sex. Not to the point of leaving the bedroom door open! But DS always was taught that sex isn't just for procreation, it's something that adults like to do, especially with the person they love.

So... OP no your DD's reaction is not "normal", and her disdain for her dad is not really normal either. Have you spoken to her about this in depth? Does it seem like there is more than the usual "OMG parents are sooooo embarassing" attitude?

(BTW DS is now in his mid 20s and much more secure and doesn't mind when I get flirted with or even - gasp! - have a boyfriend.)

Just depends. If my parents made this joke, I'd feel uncomfortable but my parents are quite weird and enjoy the control of making others feel bad or awkward.

If it was genuinely said as a joke, nah.

In either case, being really angry is an over reaction. She needs to learn to control her emotions better. But at the same time, I don't think sexual jokes (and for many children, nudity between adults does seem exclusively sexual) are a good idea with most teenagers because they're so awkward at that age.

Mine would laugh

Does your DH often allude to your sex lives in front of your DD? If so that's creepy, and making her feel that she's getting in the way of it is a double whammy and I don't blame her for getting upset.

No he never ever does normally.
He thought it was just a joke.

How is skinny dipping “ alluding to their sex lives “??

Being naked and having sex are not the same thing - I’m surprised I have to explain this to a adult.

There’s some right weirdos here tonight.

It's what skinny dipping often leads to though Olga.
I'm surprised I have to explain this to you

If it was just a one off off the cuff remark OP then I think your DD is being a bit dramatic, though no kid likes to think about people having sex with their mum so maybe he could bear that in mind in future.

Nope, mine would think it was a fairly normal day & roll her eyes if it was announced in this way. Not sure why you'd even want to do that TBH. Just crack on

Mine would roll their eyes, DS2 would use his favourite phrase "cringe".

Your DD is being ridiculous and disrespectful and quite frankly sounds like a brat. I think your reaction is bizarre. You should be supporting your DH not your DD.

Dd thinks dh is an oaf. She is 16. He can be really annoying etc but he is not as bad as she makes him out.

Why does she think of him in that way? I’m asking because it sounds like the kind of relationship I had with my dad when I was a teenager - my mum had no respect for my dad and found him ‘annoying’ too, and was happy to show it - which definitely rubbed off on me from a young age. Do you say things like that in front of her? My parents are now divorced - and me and my dad get on great since we’ve spent more time together without my mum. He was a bit of a pushover and I was quite horrible and still feel quite bad about it. If their relationship is fractured I think you should show how much you appreciated him and set a good example, not get angry at him for making a pretend standard embarrassing dad joke.

Did you tell her it was just a joke? Or did you pander to her anger? Give her loads of attention and apologise loads etc. I can understand embarrassment coming across like anger but when explained it was just a joke I would expect a 16 year old to accept that and let it go.
If she doesnt get on with her dad I imagine she is using this as a reason to be angry and punish him.

I don't think 'skinny dipping' is a euphemism for sex. If your dd thinks it is, maybe you should set her straight. I can imagine teens might be slightly squeamish about the idea of their parents cavorting naked in the pool, but raging? OTT imo.

Sorry, dipping in and out.
So do you think there is any need for dh to apologise?

Of course there's no need for him to apologise.

You really need to stop pandering to your 16yr old because one day soon she'll realise that nobody else will and that's going to make life very tough for her.

Apologise for a crap joke? What sort if apology do you expect him to make? If you expect him to say "look it was just a joke,I'm sorry you got embarrassed" then that's ok. But her anger is over the top. Does she ever apologise to him for her behaviour? You should have told her it was a joke straight away if she reacted badly and then you should all have got on with your day. To be raging about it for hours afterwards is ridiculous.

So do you think there is any need for dh to apologise?

Really? Have you read any of the answers to your original post?? I feel so sorry for your DH, you and your DD sound equally ridiculous - I bet he’s having a great holiday/life with you two.

Mine would know he was joking as I’m always freezing and hardly get in the pool during the day never mind at night with no clothes on

Sorry, dipping in and out.
So do you think there is any need for dh to apologise?
I'm hoping this is a joke post because you are putting too much mayo on! You are being ridiculous and so is your DD.
A daft throwaway comment has apparently left you angry and DD raging.
So much drama!

Does your DD usually over react to everything? Anger is a weird reaction to a joke like this.

My teen DDs would just roll their eyes and make a few fake gagging noises I'd imagine.

I think far worse was a friend on holiday saying to his DDs " you go on down to breakfast girls, me and your mum will join you later after a quick shag"

Your DD is raging because her Dad suggested that you and he might go in the pool naked later? She really does need to get over herself.

God help her when she finds out how she was conceived.

"He is her bio dad.
Their relationship is not great but it's hard for me to define exactly why."

When did their relationship start to deteriorate?

I know I'll probably get flamed for saying this but quite honestly I still think it's worth saying.

My relationship with my dad deteriorated as I hit the teen years - because he was acting inappropriately!

My mum put it down to teen changes and my dads lack of sensitivity. Your dd is a bit older than I was, but it started with him making inappropriate comments and "jokes" of exactly this type. It escalated to more personalised inappropriate comments, walking in on me in the bath or bedroom, and eventually led to actual abuse thankfully (I believe because I reached a point of reacting violently on one occasion) stopping short of anything especially full on.

We don't like to think of or talk about such things but the fact is they do happen.

My mum still doesn't believe me which feels like a separate betrayal to be honest.

Even IF that really isn't the case here (and I'm not saying it definitely is) what he said WAS inappropriate and offensive and yes he should apologise and not make similar comments in future.