Parents of 16yr olds - I have questions for you!

[FrancisofAss]

Following yet another argument with 16yr old dd, could you answer the following questions for me:

A) do you always know (roughly) where they are?
B) do you still ask for an address and a parent’s contact number if they are going to a party which is finishing late?
C) what chores do they do around the house?
D) would you use something like ‘find my iphone’ if you didn’t know where they were?

15yo ds
A) yes
B) yes
C) walks and feeds dog every day, takes recycling out when full, empties/loads dishwasher when asked
D) yes we use it

A yes I know the town but goes all over

B no at 16 teens go to lots off parties

C keep bedroom tidy do dishes when off on holiday from school they will do an extra room each in the house kitchen bathroom sitting room. They did as great job on Friday.

D I check snapchat map but not always correct.

Is your dd wanting more freedom.

Thanks WeShouldBeFriends.

A yes
B yes
C have done today
D yes (find a friend)

Yes of course, more freedom! Thanks. My answers are (and I am apparently the worst/strictest/only one of all her friends...)

A) She comes and goes as she pleases, I ask to know roughly where she is (same in that I’ll know which town but not necc where).

B) I do still ask for a parents no. if it is a party but she doesn’t go to many

C)She is way behind on the chores front and that is going to change!

D)Find my iphone, I haven’t used for ages as haven’t needed to but she has a real bee in her bonnet about the thought of me using it. All parents of teens I know have said they would but I don’t think their teens necessarily know!

1. not as much as I'd like. I get vague answers like ''at julia's'' and there have been occasions where I've realised that she is over night at ''julia's'' and I don't know Julia's sur name or where she lives. This happened recently so on my mind. ALL turned out to be fine.
   My dd has lots of friends and is always out somewhere but I want her to be walking home by 10pm. If she's not home by 10.30 I'm unimpressed and she knows it. Round the house, she does do quite a lot but she gets PAID for it. I'm a mugg! I have the mobile numbers of a couple of her best friends but I wouldn't ring them lightly. That's for emergencies. I think she would refuse to let me know her location permanently but she does when asked send me her location. It's not that I disbelieve her but I do it too when I'm on my way home from work so she can see how close I am.

I should of said, I ask for address but not the parents number.

15 year old DS

A) Yes

B) not all of them, but I have contact with lots of his friends parents so could get in touch fairly easily

C) no set chores but if I ask him to do something I expect it to be done ASAP with minimal moaning

D) love find my friends... . I don't stalk him ( as I trust him to behave) but it is useful if I'm picking him up from somewhere and he hasn't answered his phone etc

A. Yes roughly.
B. Not always. I have numbers of some of his friends and some friends parents so feel I could eventually track him down if I really tried.
C. Dishwasher everyday and occasional hoovering. Keeping room tidy is linked to pocket money. Not enough really.
D. He hasn't wanted us to and I respect his privacy despite knowing that I would feel better if I could.

My son is 15. I vaguely know where he is (I’m out with so and so in x town). And he gives me a time when I should expect him home. If he’s late he usually calls.
No. I know most of his friends anyway but not their parents phone numbers. Again he says when he’ll be back and he’s pretty good at keeping to a time.
Take dogs for walks; keep his room decent (massive fail usually!); take recycling/rubbish out. He also cooks about once a week for all of us and takes care of his own meals (not good at the cleaning up after) and does his own ironing. If there’s something specific I ask and he’s usually good at doing it.
No way. He would have to approve a find friends type app and he won’t. I have to respect his privacy. (I do have find friends with my daughter (14) but only use it when she’s over an hour late coming home from school or due home. And it’s reciprocal - she can see where I am too.)

Yes
No
None
Never

15yo dd,

1. Yes
2. Yes - and thank goodness I did...DD said she was going to friend X after prom. I phoned the dad, he knew nothing about it and said it was not going to happen. DD subsequently found with booze in her school bag which she had somehow managed to get for after prom.
3. set the table for dinner, clear and clean kitchen after dinner, feed dog, keep rooms tidy, bathrooms once a week, occasional help with laundry (pegging out, folding). From August, she will be doing her own laundry.
4. DD - yes. I track using an app as DD is not very honest about where she is and where she is going.

Ok yes I always know roughly where mine are (they are older too) but I haven't asked for phone numbers since they had mobiles (age 12).

From 16 they had to do their own laundry, change bedding and generally help around the house on request. They dog sit as required

A) Yes, definitely
B) Address only
C) Only regular chore is the dishwasher. Other chores I ask to be done randomly and they can't say no.
D) It's never crossed my mind, because I haven't needed to

A) do you always know (roughly) where they are?
Yes
B) do you still ask for an address and a parent’s contact number if they are going to a party which is finishing late?
Always
C) what chores do they do around the house?
Dishwasher and wipe table
D) would you use something like ‘find my iphone’ if you didn’t know where they were?
We all use it regularly

Slightly out of sync as my youngest is now 17, closer to 18 than 16 but:
A) do you always know (roughly) where they are? Yes
B) do you still ask for an address and a parent’s contact number if they are going to a party which is finishing late? Address - yes. Never had parents' contact numbers since they moved to secondary, no.
C) what chores do they do around the house? (excused during exams but...) cook one meal a week... responsible for their own rooms which she doesn't do but then I don't either expected to help out with ad hoc requests when they are made - making us a cuppa or getting the washing out the machine type things.
D) would you use something like ‘find my iphone’ if you didn’t know where they were? Don't have it. Don't think it is very healthy. I do know where she is. I also have the phone numbers of several friends if she weren't answering were I to ever 'lose' her. She has grasped that she gets more freedom by being honest. She has 2 elder siblings who can see all her social media which would also probably give a clue if she were up to something she shouldn't.

Ha! I had a kid at 16. I think trust goes along way and is mutually beneficial.

A) Yes, because we usually drop her off. If she leaves that for any reason, she has to let us know.
B) Yes, if it was someone other than an established friend
C) Empty dishwasher, feed dog, clean bathroom, help with laundry (& she also has a PT job)
D) I probably would, but fortunately that has never been an issue.

I always thought I was pretty strict, but according to my youngest her parents friends are much more "uptight". Her word not mine. However, I freely admit my eldest daughter as a teen did not in any way prepare me for the tempest that is my youngest.

A) Yes
B) Address yes, contact no., no. But he rarely goes to parties of people who he hasn’t been friends with since yr 7.
C) Helps with chores when asked , but does have to be asked! E.g strips own bed, cleans bathroom, unloads dishwasher, vacuums.
D) No

Oops that should be "friend's parents" not parents friends

Interesting mix of answers, thanks everyone. According to dd I am the only parent of a 16yr old who would answer yes to B or D so it’s good to know I’m not.

Hard to balance her need for freedom and trust with my concern for her general well-being! She is a good kid with lovely friends so on the whole I trust her and have told her that.

However, being an adult you also know stuff like - my friend’s daughter was raped by the friend of a friend when on the way home from a party at my dd’s age. And that life can be a bit trickier than dd understands (of course she knows it all already ). Mainly her anger about lack of trust comes when she thinks she might not be allowed to do something she wants to do. So far, we have let her do every single thing she has asked to but y’know, we are still THE WORST

Teenagers. Such fun.

Yes
No
Very little
Yes, we all use it and they can see my location too. It’s not one way.

A No.
B No. However, I have asked for details a few times with new friends. Since a few months after turning 16, my DS sometimes texts about 11 to tell me he's staying out all night, on a Friday or Saturday night. He comes home any time between midday and 7 pm the following day! He absolutely amazed me recently, by coming home before 10.30 pm from the drinking session, the night of his GCSE final exam.
C As little as possible! He did some weeding without being asked last week, though. And he cooked lunch and dinner yesterday.
D No. Neither of us have iPhones and I'm blocked from his Snapchat anyway.

Some of his friends have been behaving like this since not long after turning 15.🙄

DD yes we knew where she was though not always who she was with. Chores were keeping room tidy and generally cleaning up after self.

DS no rarely know exactly where he is or who with but happy to trust him on the basis that it all changes if he lets us down. Chores same as his sister though it’s a losing battle.

Never tracked their phones. It’s a big part of growing up and taking responsibility for their own actions. When I was their age in the eighties there were no phones and from what I’ve seen so far they are both way more sensible than I was at 16. Mind you we live in what feels like a very safe place. Were we in London or other big cities I might feel differently.