Parents of 16yr olds - I have questions for you!

[FrancisofAss]

Following yet another argument with 16yr old dd, could you answer the following questions for me:

A) do you always know (roughly) where they are?
B) do you still ask for an address and a parent’s contact number if they are going to a party which is finishing late?
C) what chores do they do around the house?
D) would you use something like ‘find my iphone’ if you didn’t know where they were?

A. Yes
B. Doesn't really go to parties
C. Keeps room tidy, other than that bugger all
D. Yes

A - yes
B - she doesn't do parties, it isn't her thing. She hangs with a bunch of friends. I know all the mums.
C - she cooks when I'm home late from work, she keeps her room tidy, puts a wash on, hangs and sorts laundry, runs to the shops to get stuff I've missed, helps with gardening and DIY. And is fab in terms of school work and revision.
D - no, because see B. And anyway she has proved she is to be trusted.

15.5yr old
Yes
Yes
Dishwasher, put own washing away, sometimes collect ds2 from school - general helping out
Yes if he doesn’t answer his phone I ping it with that annoying noise you can do

A yes
B no but she'll tell me roughly where they live so we can agree how shes going to get back
C keeps her room reasonable, does own washing and changes bed. Picks her little brother up from school sometimes and minds him if I need her to.
D no I don't have an iPhone. She is really good at replying to messages though so shes never out of contact if I'm worrying where she is.

A) Yes, roughly (if locally, he and his friends do go for walks, move around between houses etc), he does travel to conferences and things all over the country on his own but I know where he is!
B) No, I know where his friends live but we're way past asking for contact numbers for parents. If DS1 is out late I expect him to be contactable on his mobile
C) Honestly not as much as I think he should! He will occasionally wash up if pressed, but it's difficult enough to get him to bring his own laundry downstairs.
D) I wouldn't resort to that kind of intrusive action unless I were extremely worried and I couldn't reach him on his phone, in which case I'd probably ring the police

Gosh after reading these I think I’m a bit uptight and strict, but we have some trust issues going on with my Dd (almost 16).

A) roughly yes, usually in town or hanging with pals, so she says

B) I have no contact details for parents of any of her newer pals, only the ones from primary.

C) helps with dishes, occasionally cooks, room is mostly a mess so I shut door on it

D) we have it but she’s not linked to it. I doubt she would ever agree to that

Trust issues are she denies she’s been drinking when I know she has. I hate lies. I know what I was like at 15 and perhaps I need to lighten up a bit re that but the odd cider or wine wouldn’t bother me, it’s the vodka or gin that does. I picked her up from a pal’s last week and she was throwing up, saying it was the chicken salad she ate. I found out since from elsewhere that she’s had vodka and I know the shop she said she went to only does veggie stuff. I’d rather she just was truthful. Hope she’s learned her lesson from having a shitty hangover 😕

Yes
No
Not many
No

DD15, few months away from 16.

A) yes
B) rarely goes to parties, but yes if she is
C) dries the dishes/puts away/empties the dishwasher, occasionally cooks, cleans her room weekly, strips her bed, unpacks and puts away the groceries
D) the whole family has each other on find my phone, we all find it really useful

a) Mostly yes - ocasionally plans change and they move on
b) no - they'd laugh in my face!
c) help with washing up and clearing the table after dinner, empty dishwasher, empty the kitchen bins and recycling when asked, help putting away the food shop, do some of their washing (not all the time), offer other people cups of tea when they are making one
d) no