Holding on to the end of the rope; life in the bunker with the Po Ts, where parenting a teen is having an adverse effect on our mental health

[Pegsinarow]

With thanks to Billybagpuss for inspiration for the title and to Ticklingcheese and many other parents of teens who are emerging from the worst, or currently going through it, this is a support thread for parents who are being driven to despair by their teens. It is a continuation of this previous thread where many of us clubbed together to exchange experiences, possible strategies and understanding of what can be a very draining, isolating and distressing time for all!

Tin hats on everybody for round two!

Oh no, so painful. At least she spoke to you about her feelings. Sometimes all we can do is sympathise. @notaflyingmonkey hope ds is hanging in there, it’s early days yet. He will have a personal tutor who’s an academic, do encourage him to seek their support- once teaching starts properly he’ll have more of a routine I expect

Just woke up to this article this morning and my own 2 dd hang out here alot.
They swear they never see any of this but I really don't know
This is only a snippet
Police also reported not having anything reported to them
But as a mum I will worry.

Sorry for all those going through trouble keep sharing your stories it helps to get it written down.

Yes, cocaine seems to be the new big thing. My DS swears he hasn't taken it and he wouldn't be so stupid but then he would wouldn't he? They all do the hanging out in the park thing here, I try to keep him at home but he is not keen. It's a massive worry really we could do with a much better drugs policy and more police to stop it being done so openly.

@Fleetheart dd2 was home at 5 and was good and didn't go near that area.
Dd1 has only went out at 5 as she is 16
Her bf had messaged her earlier to say his mum not allow him in that area either so thank God we are on same page even though we have never met.
So I hope they listen.
They are babysitting later so at least they will be in doors.

Well the babysitting didn't happen myself and dh decided to go for a walk and met dd in park with a girl no sign of her bf.
We made her get in car and took her home which was a real scream the whole way home and that she would run away when we got home.
I took her phone and went through it and saw videos off her in the park singing dancing playing loud music behind a housing estate. I was disappointed as she told me she was babysitting.
Her friends where drinking not sure if she was.
She said I have embarrassed her and she can't face school.
I told her she done it to herself by lying.
She didn't even recognize me and dh as it was a bit dark in park.
I have grounded her for the week.

Hello everyone -newbie alert.
I haven't (yet) ploughed through every post in this thread but already know I relate.
Last night my 17y7m DS punched a hole in the wall of our top landing.... I'm due to go away for three days from this afternoon.... I know it might not all or even slightly be down to me but I do fear I'm not treading the best path.
I posted a kind of 'introduction' thread hoping for some input (general teenage forum I think) but as yet nothing. Does this mean my post was boring?! or just I hit a lean patch when people were doing other stuff?
Been up since 4.30, it's now 6.05 & I have work at 7.45..... sigh....

Hi, just wanted to say ‘thank you’ to everyone - it’s still rare to find people who are generous enough to share when things are less than perfect (especially where teenagers are concerned). I often read this thread but this is the first time I’ve posted, currently taking it one day at a time with 13yo and 16yo, many different issues - they are very different people. I’m not sure I’m coping particularly brilliantly, but I know that it’d be a hell of a lot harder (and I’d feel even more isolated) if none of you had taken the time to post. So, thank you!

My teenage son has been excluded previously and is now at a new school of his choosing. After starting well he refuses to go, says he doesn’t care and won’t say why. I’m convinced drugs are involved, anyone been through this and came out the other side?

My teenage son has been excluded previously and is now at a new school of his choosing. After starting well he refuses to go, says he doesn’t care and won’t say why. I’m convinced drugs are involved, anyone been through this and came out the other side? I see you got some pastoral support, how did you do that ad my sons school don’t want to know? Thankyou

Being a parent to a teenager is not easy! I've come to the conclusion that offering advice to my dd2 based on my own life is not helpful and basically I'm making it worse for her. But how do I learn to listen and keep my mouth shut. I want to make everything better for her but I can't.

To those waiting for advice. Someone will come along in a bit. You are not alone.
To add to above, it's just a realisation I've come to. I can be there for her but I can't sort things out for her, she has to be the one to find a way. The more I do try, the more I feck it up and our relationship is falling apart so I need to step back. I think this is something many parents on here have had to do. Goes against all my motherly instincts though.

@dontcallmedarling your so right in saying we can't sort things we can only be there for them when they want us.
@chezza41 I hope you get the support you need with your son.

@Wowzersindeed welcome to posting on thread I do the same read back on the thread to see if I can get any help on the problem.
Sometimes I feel mine are so trival to what other parents are going through but we all need a hand hold and need to vent about our teens so we don't say what we think to them.
@SoggyMess welcome to the thread hope you and your son are ok and you got away for your 3 days.

I haven’t been able to post in a while.

We’re rolling with the moods so not sure day to day how we’re doing.

help. miserable. everything has fallen apart and it's my fault. it really is. my children are all horrible and have MH issues i'm sure

Hey beholder - it’s not your fault. And you’re not alone, look through all the comments above, it will help a bit. I am in the same place as you by the sounds of it (today has been really, really hard - I was ‘angry-walking’ on a cliff in a gale last night just to get out of the house & calm down!). Hang in there

thank you :(. they hate me and each other. there has been a lot of violence and disrespect. i feel like i have lost 3 children at once. a mix of despair sorrow guilt anger sadness self-pity pity for them and specially hate for myself

one has left for his father after i survived 14 years with the three as a lone parent; the other left today and i dont know where she is, 16; only one tein is still here. there was a big physical fight. there have been constant fights. i taught them anger and violence i'm sure

Keep going. Whatever you think you did wrong, you can change. Who’s supporting you? Good luck today.

Beholder, Arvox is right to ask about support - is anybody around to help/listen to you? If you can’t or don’t want to talk to anyone face to face, the family lives website family lives.org.uk has quite a good (and free) helpline and website - helpline is not 24hr but is open for a bit today. I think you can talk via text, too, if you prefer. I hope that doesn’t come across as patronising - I just thought it might help as I’ve found it useful in the past. Hope today goes better for you 🙂

beholder keep venting on here.

just found this thread this morning.
I went back and read the first thread, and sat and cried.

Thank you all for your honesty. I don't knwo anyone in real life whose kids are as horrible as mine is. But I am just realiseing that of course I don't see them behind closed doors.

ds is 16. He is bright, funny, handsome, and at the moment horrible.
I am walking on eggshells round him, every time I open my mouth he jumps down my throat. I am patronising or lecturing or anything. He tells me he hates me and he is like a lawyer with disecting every word I use.

I completely lost it last night, screamed and shouted at him. I think the final straw was that he told me that I was just like Granny, making it clear that it was the ultimate insult.
he has bloody fantastic grandparents who have done loads for him and who are funding a big trip in the summer, and he thinkis they are shit because granny tends to overexplain things.

My patience just ran out.

I also have a 14 and 11 year old.
14 is fine, but I am just waiting for 11 year old to explode. She already has temper tantrums regularly when something goes wrong.

No matter what anyone says, we do just feel it is our fault, I must have done something to make them like this?

@steppemum welcome to the thread
We are all in the same boat on this thread have some kind of trouble with our teenagers.
The more we try to involve ourselves in their life like school or friends the less they want us so I just try to take a step back and count to 10 ( or 1000) to calm down.
I have dd1 16 ( wild child) dd2 14 (angle child for now) and ds 11 bit cheeky an odd time.
Every week my dd1 is up to something either at school or socialising tell lies

Sympathies from me. Mine loses it every day and says the most revolting things to us. I think (I try to !) it reflects: fear of how others see them, anxiety, the hateful words used on social media, and a frantic or playful attempt to work out who they are. Their horribleness to us and close family comes from this. That said, I try to have consequences for sustained foulness.

Sympathies from me too. My DD can be vile....