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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Do you take your teenagers phone away at night?

120 replies

sweetkitty · 26/03/2019 23:14

That’s it really, we take DD1s (14.9yo) and DD2s (13.3yo) phone away at night. DD2 is fine with it but DD1 moans every night. she tries to sneak it back, steals her brothers iPad and stashed it in her room etc. Bedtime is 10pm on a school night and she gets up until then. If we didn’t take it away she would be on it all night.

Apparently we are the only parents in the world to do this and all her friends are up chatting all night and she misses out (they are she gets messages at 2-3am) how can they function for school in the morning I do not know?

OP posts:

AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore · 13/05/2019 09:28

Ds (13) has to leave hers outside to charge - dd (15) keeps his as he listens to a meditation app to go to sleep(& hates all social media/usually has his phone with data turned off anyway!

OhMsBeliever · 13/05/2019 09:44

Mine aren't allowed on them after dinner unless doing homework. One of mine kept sneaking his upstairs to go on tumblr during the night. I put parental restrictions on it which deleted tumblr and meant he couldn't download it again, or get on App Store. He was not happy but only had himself to blame. His twin stuck to the rules and can still use whatever apps he wants.

They don't really socialise that much online (or offline) so I have no idea if their peers are messaging through the night.

AnnaComnena · 13/05/2019 09:53

Let them deal with the consequences of being super sleepy the next day eventually they will mature.

It's not just them who has to deal with the consequences, though, is it? It's their parents who have to get them up in the morning, their teachers who have students who are too tired to !earn, their family and friends who have to put up with them being irritable because they're tired. And long term poor sleep has an impact on mental health.

coastalwalk · 13/05/2019 09:59

Yes, though what she could be looking at as much as how long she looks at it for concerns me.

Don't think studying or homework can be done that effectively with a distraction there either.

Victormeldrew1 · 13/05/2019 10:07

Yes no phones allowed in bedroom at night time been like that since I got them phones they are 13 and 16

rotrue · 13/05/2019 15:00

No I don't they are in year 11 - they are old enough to decide for themselves,

Tactfulish · 13/05/2019 17:11

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

willitbe · 14/05/2019 19:01

I was recommended an American website [[https://healthychildren.org/English/media/pages/default.aspx# AAP media plan]] healthychildren.org/English/media/pages/default.aspx# It is designed to develop a contract between yourself and each child, giving time to discuss reasons why certain things are not healthy (blue light, all night messages, poor sleep patterns) and what compromise might be had between parent and child. There are different contracts for different age groups. I found it very helpful to come up with a contract that we signed and consequences agreed.

I have one 16 year old child addicted to his phone, a 15 year old who thinks that she needs music at all times from her phone, and an 11 year old who I am not allowing to have a phone til secondary school!

For the child who says I need my phone in my room to study and go to sleep, and nothing other than Spotify - well spotify playlist and a blue tooth speaker were employed for her! Messages during homework and study were getting too disruptive.

horseymum · 14/05/2019 19:14

Yes ds is 14 and leaves his downstairs at 9pm, gets up in the morning to get it ( although rarely before 7) often 8 am before he has emerged to get it at the weekend. Just been a habit since he had it. We have a friend whose son is much younger and so addicted to tech he has tried to ' steal' family tablet from under parent's pillow during the night. It's sad hearing the hold it has over him. He has genuinely been up all night playing. ( Not sure why they don't put a stop to this but anyway, that's up to them).

YoghurtPlease · 01/06/2019 06:13

A bit late to this thread but our dc have to leave their tech downstairs when they go to bed. My dd (nearly 16yrs) is addicted to her phone so for her sanity (and ours - she’s awful when she’s tired) we restrict it. She is completely unable to self-regulate at the moment.

Xeroxarama · 01/06/2019 06:33

Yes I have Screentime on iphone to shut it off 9-7. We still argue about it as there are ways to override it and mine is still on the phone every minute he’s in the house. We agreed a phone contract as per above, didn’t do zip.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 02/06/2019 23:00

Ha I clicked on this thread then realised it was mine. The phone sage continues ......

About 2 months ago I got a new iPhone, stashed old one away in a box, was going to trade it in for £80 (to put towards new phone) but then decided to give it to DS 9 to take holiday photos (we are going somewhere he will adore taking photos) and for games on the plane etc. Couldn’t find old phone, asked the DCs, thought I had moved it and was going mad. Anyway you guessed it DD1 had stolen it! Even after me asking her straight out and seeing me searching for it. She’d been putting her own phone downstairs and then using my old one to go online, I should have realised as she was often coming in from school and going for a nap.

Her punishment was to lose her phone for the same amount of time she had stolen mine, 4 weeks. Of course this hasn’t gone down well, she’s raked through all my bedroom drawers including a drawer of personal stuff and stolen a SIM card, disabled her sisters Ipad by incorrectly logging on. She says it’s worth it to talk to her friends. This weekend she’s been out most of Sat and Sun with her boyfriend and friends so hasn’t been stopped from seeing them. I’m at my wits end.

OP posts:

newcat12345 · 04/06/2019 08:01

Out of interest OP, how old is DD1?

newcat12345 · 04/06/2019 08:01

Whoops scrap that, just seen she's 14

Sofasurfingsally · 04/06/2019 08:38

I think it would repay you to turn off your WiFi at bedtime. If that's not possible, the BT router (and possibly some others) enables you to put timer controls on devices in the house, but exclude the sky box, or your phone, for example. But for a belt and braces approach, you would need to put the WiFi code in yourself, and not hand it out-or sooner or later she will borrow a friends old phone or similar, and enable that.

There are people who will disagree with this approach , but they don't have your child. Two of mine would never done this, and one consistently did. Different children have different personalities. On our house, the one who was like this was impervious to every single strategy I employed to change the narrative.

This cat and mouse way of parenting is so tiring, and not ideal for your child. It can damage your relationship if you're not careful. But you are where you are. I have found that they at least understand where you are coming from, once they get over the initial rage.

ComeAndDance · 04/06/2019 08:43

Not taken off as such but we hve arule that phnes and ipads are staying in the living room at night. For everyone. Thats where we have our 'charging station' and yes we expect the dcs to take theirs downstairs before going to bed.
They are 16yo and 14yo.
The 16yo used to moan about it and has no issue with it now. The 14yo is now moaning about it but Im sure he'll come round

Cloudtree · 04/06/2019 08:45

Yep. 14 and 12. Phones are on downtime at 8.30 anyway and then left for charging downstairs at 9pm.

ComeAndDance · 04/06/2019 08:45

I would just turn the wifi off tbh. No other comment or remark about it being about her behaviour etc...

She needs sleep and will be much easoer to live with once she starts sleeping more (fwiw, 10.00pm is already too late imo)

Sofasurfingsally · 04/06/2019 08:55

How to do isolate the TV? My DH would die of shock if the telly/sky box went off at 10 😄😄

wonderpants · 04/06/2019 09:00

No technology upstairs rule! I’m quite sure that it is up there when we are out and they will ask if their friends are here which is fine.
They are quite accepting of this!
I’m always amazed at the amount of overnight messages and activity on their phones in the morning. Nobody could sleep well with that going on next to them!

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