Do you take your teenagers phone away at night?

[sweetkitty]

That’s it really, we take DD1s (14.9yo) and DD2s (13.3yo) phone away at night. DD2 is fine with it but DD1 moans every night. she tries to sneak it back, steals her brothers iPad and stashed it in her room etc. Bedtime is 10pm on a school night and she gets up until then. If we didn’t take it away she would be on it all night.

Apparently we are the only parents in the world to do this and all her friends are up chatting all night and she misses out (they are she gets messages at 2-3am) how can they function for school in the morning I do not know?

DS 14 has to leave his phone downstairs by 9.45pm. Two reasons

1. Importance of sleep
2. No charging in bedrooms due to fire risk

He gave up arguing ages ago.

This is ridiculous. On one thread a 17 year old is considered 'adult' and should have total control over their life - on this thread somebody has their 17 year old handing their phone over at 10 pm. Utter madness.

applesarerroundandshiny Im 43 and I leave my phone downstairs when I go to bed. Not sleeping with a mobile phone does not inhibit my adulting, nor does it stop my children being capable, self sufficient and independent for their ages. We don't "take" their phones - it's a house rule we all follow, like putting your own dirty cups and plates in the dishwasher and taking your turn at unpacking it, or not eating in bedrooms. We all follow the same house rules.

Nobody needs to sleep with an internet connection.

I even took eldest's phone away during sixth form, they're addicted and just can't police themselves.

DS puts his downstairs till his homework is finished then he can have it till dinner and that's it. He gets Snapchat messages at 3 in the morning too!

@sweetkitty stay strong!! We do this and yes, can't understand how other parents can't. I know a lot of quite ambitious ones too, who think their DCs will still do well at school despite having inadequate sleep every night.

We take all media devices away at bedtime (phone, tv remote, laptop, iPad & games controller). DS1 is 15 & bed is 10.30 and DD2 is 12 & bedtime is 9.30.

We spent two months allowing my DS to keep it, as a trial, and he started being late for school, missing homework, getting emotional etc. I then read a post on here where many mums said they took their DC's media devices at night right up until their last GCSE, so we're following that advice now!

I'd advise if your DD1 is sneaking stuff back in at night, then you need withhold something - pocket money or no phone the following weekend perhaps?

Should have also said, on Friday and Saturdays we allow them to keep them, but my DD gives hers up then too out of habit!

I have taught at a sixth form college, we used to have a some pupils who would be awake every night til 12 or later, you could spot them in class. they would fail everyrhing, be disengaged, tired, grumpy and barely do their work.
My DCs phones are downstairs after 9pm and we limit their time before that

Isn't the idea of self regulation a bit of a myth. Will power is a myth. If you're addicted to something, you change the environment or make sure what tempts you is not in reach. Why would you ecpect teenagers to self regulate because they've reached an arbitrary age? Only in the UK do we think kids become adults on their 16th birthday or after their last Gcse.

So how does a teenager move to towards taking personal responsibility in 3 months between finishing 6th form and starting university? Especially when their usual techniques for managing phone use at night (not in their bedroom, leave it downstairs etc.) aren't likely to be options in student accommodation.

No phones upstairs. That is the rule.

They have alarm clocks and books to read in bed, they get more than enough screen time during the day.

We also get told that everybody else gets to have theirs on their rooms but I categorically know this to be bullshit so I just ignore (though I know it’s true for some).

PerspicaciaTick switch it off perhaps. In which case who cares where the phone is. Using it as an alarm if it needs to be on for that is a bad habit.

It's a moot point if the person in question has been too sleep deprived to pass their A levels (although there are now universities so desperate they take students with what used to be fail grades now), but why assume a default of going to university?

Of all the ways to promote independence sleeping with a mobile phone has to be one of the most dubious.

FFS - I wasn't suggesting that sleeping with a mobile is a prerequisite to being independent, just asking how teenagers can be supported to successfully move from a position where they do what they are told to a position where they are able to make the right choice for themselves.

Have never done this, children come off phones and go to bed themselves, can see their phone at any time but I don't really look much.

Yes. For DD, 14: "Surrender your technology" is called through the house at 9pm. All tech is locked in a box until after homework time the next day, except DD's phone, which I charge and then shut in my bedroom when I go to bed.

This has been arrived at after various more lenient strategies failed.

"No thank you to the parents who don’t do it but their DC still sleep at night 🤷🏻‍♀️"
Why would you be thanked for doing nothing?

Yes, phones come out of rooms at lights out.

DS1 is nearly 15 and is usually glued to his phone and we used to let him keep it in his room overnight. Towards the end of last year it was getting ridiculous, he would keep going back on it with the excuse that he couldn’t get to sleep, and at weekends he would be up far too late. Many arguments ensued.

Recently he has been diagnosed with a condition causing, and exacerbated by, tiredness. Amazingly, because of this he made the decision himself to put his phone in another room at 10pm so that he wasn’t tempted to use it. His bedtime routine has improved so much, even at weekends, and I’m strangely really proud of him for doing this!

14 and 13 year olds. Phones and Ipads put on charge in the study at 9.30 when they go to bed.

And all the parents who think their children self-regulate . There are instas and snaps being sent to my children's phones right through to 2, 3, 4am from children of parents who think their children are "self regulating!"

So how does a teenager move to towards taking personal responsibility in 3 months between finishing 6th form and starting university?

Well, perhaps an 18/19 year old has more capacity to resist temptation, perhaps they don't. 3 months is a long time for them to learn 'late night phone usage' = crap sleep and less ability to function. If they choose that path at uni theres more at stake for them as they're aware of what they're paying to be there. Up to end of A levels I'm responsible for them, so my rules. No phones in bedrooms overnight.

13 yo dd is not allowed her phone in her bedroom at all. It's always been the rule and she's fine with it.

Isn't the idea of self regulation a bit of a myth. Will power is a myth. If you're addicted to something, you change the environment or make sure what tempts you is not in reach.

I suppose that's the point. I've not made a fuss about phones or tech because my DC aren't that bothered. I'm the phone addict in the house which DC like to point out! DD will happily put her phone face down on her desk when she's tired and ready to sleep (10 or 10.30) then that's it till the alarm goes off in the morning. DS is the same.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

No I let him keep it and secretly monitor it. I can read what's going on with his life which he never tells me. It is very useful.

14 yr old dd, hands phone over at 9pm on school night, 10-10.30pm on weekends. If she's got a friend round for a sleepover then we let her keep her phone. She'll say the same to us that ALL her friends are allowed their phones overnight, every night. Doesn't work with us, she needs her sleep, she's not a morning person at all & she doesn't need to be on her phone past 9pm on a school night.

We have a router which allows for individual devices to be identified, and given access times. Shut off at 11 these days.

I’d recommend u don’t do this, at the end of the day your teens just going to resent you, once they hit around 15 anyway they will always find a way to bend the rules and get what they want. Let them deal with the consequences of being super sleepy the next day eventually they will mature.

One of mine I do as her behaviour is poor if she's allowed it in her room at night. She hates me for it, but if she could regulate her use and not suffer any ill effects, she could have it. It's a constant battle. I hate it. She says it makes no difference to her behaviour, but it definitely does. 🤷‍♂️

The other one is under review. I find with her it's getting up that is the problem. She would lie in her pit all day on it if she was allowed to instead of eating breakfast (or any food!) at a normal-ish time. She's on a warning.