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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you take your teenagers phone away at night?

120 replies

sweetkitty · 26/03/2019 23:14

That’s it really, we take DD1s (14.9yo) and DD2s (13.3yo) phone away at night. DD2 is fine with it but DD1 moans every night. she tries to sneak it back, steals her brothers iPad and stashed it in her room etc. Bedtime is 10pm on a school night and she gets up until then. If we didn’t take it away she would be on it all night.

Apparently we are the only parents in the world to do this and all her friends are up chatting all night and she misses out (they are she gets messages at 2-3am) how can they function for school in the morning I do not know?

OP posts:
Flippant74 · 26/03/2019 23:30

I have Our Pact on my DD's Phone (14.8 yrs). I block all her app's at 11pm on school nights (too late for my liking but far too early for hers). I then take the phone and laptop off her and leave them charging on the kitchen bench. If I didn't have the block facility there would probably be a physical wrestle to get the damned phone off her!!!!! I am trying to pull the time back to 10.30pm.

I try to do the same on weekends but this is hard as there's nearly always a sleepover happening - either she is at a friends or a friend is at ours. I don't block it when she has company.

I get told the same - that I am the only parent - and agree with you, her friends are on it into the early hours of the mornings - EVERY DAY! It's no wander that there is so much more teen angst then when I was 14 (30 years ago!!) - the kids are all shattered and running on short fuses.

Snap-Chat is so addictive for them - it seems that here in NZ most of the kids are also on their phones during school time to. I am thinking of blocking the App during school hours, only allowing access at break times. Must drive the teachers crazy, as the schools block these Ap's and the kids download VPN's to over-ride it.

TheWaiting · 26/03/2019 23:44

Week nights: We take in DS1’s at 10pm. He then needs to go upstairs at 10.30, lights out by 11. He’s 15. DS2 is 13 and everything is 1 hour earlier.

Weekends: DS1 is allowed it all night on Fridays and until midnight when he goes to bed on a Sat. DS2 has DS1’s weeknight times at the weekend.

We too get told everyone else has theirs and the worst of it is that’s true as if left on, it pings all night even at 3 and 4am! But I don’t care.

A couple of years ago I would have said they could have it all night when they turn 16 but I’ve recently told DS1 that at 16 he can have it all night Fri/Sat but still not through the week. Unless of course he chooses to leave school and pay his own contract. He has hopefully many years of autonomy ahead when he can make reasoned adult decisions. Teenagers are essentially clever, continent toddlers so I’m sticking to my rules on this one.

Stunn · 26/03/2019 23:55

Taken off DD who is 15 each night if she has school the next day . She can have it overnight Fri and Saturday and in school holidays.

After her GCSEs are done, she can have it all the time. I can't police her forever.

ShanghaiDiva · 27/03/2019 00:00

My rule is - if you cannot manage your screen time, I will manage it for you. This has resulted in phones being taken away at night. If they are able to manage their screen time - phones can go back in rooms.

Frenchfancy · 27/03/2019 08:17

I don't take it off her, but it is a household rule that phones stay downstairs at night. If she tried to sneak it then I would remove it.

Pegsinarow · 27/03/2019 08:20

Yes! DD nearly 16 hrs. On school nights. It's a constant battle though.

blueskiesovertheforest · 27/03/2019 08:22

The same as Frenchfancy - we all leave all devices downstairs in one place every night.

Nobody should be online all night as you say, because everyone, especially teenagers, needs sleep! Not to mention on line bullying and sexting that can happen any time but is even more likely with 8 hours alone uninterrupted and seriously over tired...

YolandaVerranda · 27/03/2019 08:36

I did do when he admitted he couldn't stop watching YouTube or listening to music. He was 14 and asked us to wake him in the mornings as he didn't have his alarm now.

That was 2 years ago. He has it now but we keep an eye on it. He is not a child that has a phone constantly in his hand though, he often leaves it around the house and has to go an hunt for it.

I know a lot of my friends also remove their child's phone/devices from their rooms, so no you are not alone.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 27/03/2019 08:37

I did with mine until after GCSEs then I left them to self regulate. Worked with one but the other is regularly on her phone until 2/3am

BarbarianMum · 27/03/2019 09:14

In our house all phones - dc's, dh's, mine - are kept downstairs at night.

Saying that you're killing her social life cause her friends are chattging all night sounds like the world's worst arguement to me. I cant think of anything less likely to convince me.

HelloToMyKitty · 27/03/2019 09:20

Great idea would be to leave everyone’s devices locked away in the kitchen, I would be up for hours on my phone as an adult and it was really an unhealthy habit. it’s really best to leave them out of sleeping areas.

That way, she can see that you have to do it too, and it’s a good habit to cultivate.

ChanklyBore · 27/03/2019 09:24

No phones in bedrooms.

House rule followed by everyone, day or night.

Dramatical · 27/03/2019 09:28

No, it we never had any problems with them. If we did I would have reviewed.

8FencingWire · 27/03/2019 09:34

Yep, of course I do. 9.30. And if she misbehaves, it goes back by 30 min. Apparently I am THE ONLY parent to do so 😂. Right.
I would allow her 10 pm, but then she takes a 20 min shower/face routine/faffs for about an hour, so no, 9.30 it is.

BobBobBobbingAlong · 27/03/2019 09:34

Kids are 16 & 14.
Phones and laptops are off by 7.30pm. They can watch YouTube on the TV, or other stuff on TV until 8.30.
Obviously times are often 'flexible' but this way they are in the habit of having some chilled reading time before they go to sleep.
Smaller one often tries to sneak phone out but not overnight.
The deal is they can game (almost) as much as they want if they agree to night time rules. It works for us.

Dramatical · 27/03/2019 09:35

Bloody hell what do they do at 8.30 Shock

Iamblossom · 27/03/2019 09:42

argh constant battle with this in our house. mainly with DS1 (14). He would have it under his pillow all night if I let him. I tried to get him to leave it charging in the kitchen over night but got lax about enforcing this. Am going to insist from this evening on. I hate the thought of him chatting on it to randoms until all hours of the night.

Blessthekids · 27/03/2019 09:47

My phone and the dc's phones stay downstairs to charge overnight. I don't take it off them, they just plug it in before they go to bed. I suppose because they see my phone is there too then they think fair enough. I think secretly they are both relieved to get a break from the phone too.

My plan is to never point out they shouldn't leave it downstairs to charge. Hopefully this habit will stay with them forever as I do think having a phone 24/7 is bad for everyone.

shrumps · 27/03/2019 10:38

Yes - at 10pm they go on the landing, on charge. They get them back when they are up, showered and dressed.

blueskiesovertheforest · 27/03/2019 10:49

Dramatical that's a bit dramatic Grin

Bless that's how it works in our house too, because we all leave them downstairs there's never been a battle, yet at least (eldest is nearly 14).

Eldest has some friends with hyper strict parents (as well as some parents so lax they appear to have no rules at all) so up til now she's refrained from the "everyone else is allowed" argument, probably aware which side her bread is buttered... It's an argument my pre teen and 7 year old use (not for phones in rooms but for even having a phone for the little one, and for being allowed certain online games for the pre teen, but again they aren't really expecting anything from the argument, it's more tokenery ...)

BobBobBobbingAlong · 27/03/2019 10:50

Dramatical - younger one is usually asleep before 9.30pm! 16 year old has only just started staying awake a bit longer. But they have chilled time reading books or magazines in bed.

Cherylshaw · 27/03/2019 10:52

I wouldn't take the phone away I'd just turn the internet off at bed time untill they are asleep then put it back on

MarshaBradyo · 27/03/2019 10:52

Yep take the teen’s away

We keep ours, I wouldn’t like to leave it downstairs if there’s an emergency

Zoflorabore · 27/03/2019 11:01

Going against the grain it seems but I do not take ds's phone away at night and never have done.
He was 16 a couple of weeks ago.

Has had a phone since he was in primary school and has a great routine which he thrives on ( he also has Aspergers ) and since he's been doing GCSE's in year 9 he is extremely sensible and puts school work and now revision before anything else.

At his parents evening last week he was " told off " for doing too much and not having enough down time and in forever telling him to go on Fortnite or whatever to take a break so I don't think it has had a detrimental affect on him at all.

If it was taken away then I think he would be bothered but the fact that it isn't and he is allowed to self regulate means that he isn't always on it.
Devices are off at 10. Revision until 9 as I want him to wind down a bit before bed and then he sets his alarms on phone, puts some relaxing music on and goes to sleep.

Everyone is different of course and this works for us. Our dd is 8 and several of her friends have phones ( year 3 ) and we have several spare iPhones but there's no way she needs one yet. I've told her she can have a phone when she is 10.

I use mine for relaxing music/white noise to sleep as I have insomnia so would feel a bit mean taking ds's away when it's never been a problem. Dd will definitely be a different story!

moomoogalicious · 27/03/2019 15:42

dd is 16 and has her phone all night, although the internet goes off at 10pm

Ds is 14 and has to hand his phone in at 9.30, can have it all night at the weekends.

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