My dd is like this a lot. She can be Vicious and manipulative. She refuses to eat my cooking, lies and twists words and seems hell bent in falling her gcse's. And, like a pp, I'm supposed to be grateful she's not pregnant or on drugs.
But, underneath that is still my little girl trying to grow up and make sense of the world. She's still funny, intelligent, sarcastic, practical, dependable and empathic. It's just harder to see at the moment. She still sleeps with her teddy fgs.
I start each day with a good morning kiss when I wake her up and tell her I love her every night. I refuse to let her push my buttons, and when she does manage it, I tell her I'm sorry for losing my temper.
All persistently unreasonable behaviour leads to a natural consequence, so repeatedly picking arguments in the car means she now very rarely gets a lift. She has to do her own washing since she screamed at me for not having done it.
But, I try to balance this out with little things such as asking her if she'd like a brew when I'm making one, or bringing her magazines that she likes.
I let her be independent as possible. I follow her lead regarding communication,
make myself as available to her as I can, never give unasked for advice and I don't nag her about school work. We have a few basic rules around phone use, keeping in touch and manners, but mostly I've accepted that this is her life, she'll make some mistakes, and we'll be there to catch her.
I've read every parenting book in the land. I've no idea if I'm getting it right, but after having had a shit year, it feels like we're turning a corner.
There's some fantastic advice on this thread, and it helps so much to talk to other parents. I'm lucky enough to have group of school mums who are incredibly honest - we keep each other sane I think.