Is parenting a teen adversely affecting your mh?

[Pegsinarow]

I'm going through what feels like hell with one of my teen's atm.

Today she has told me that I'm a failure, that she hates me, that she wishes I was dead. The expression on her face was really hateful when she said it.

Normally I can shrug this off as "usual" teen angst. I was even advising my friend the other month about not taking this sort of stuff too personally.

But I am really struggling too now. Partly I suppose because my confidence isn't great anyway owing to the menopause.

Sorry if this sounds too "woe is me" but I just feel really crap atm.

Anyone else?

Following and thinking of you daintytoes. They will look after her in A+E. And if natural consequences are going to happen she's going to feel bloody rough.

Sometimes dcs are really hard to love, it hurts so much and you just get so angry.

Hope this can be a lessons learnt, would be much more effective than a telling off.

Thinking of you.

Daintytoes So sorry to hear that, at least from what you've been told it's no worse than alcohol. Take care of yourself.

Ticklingcheese hope you dont mind me asking....you said a while back your ds was depressed. Did he have counselling and was his depression triggered by the sheer challenges of being a teenager in this mad world?

lightandairy of course not😀. Yes he had counselling, didn't help, we though everything was fine with the counselor saying so, not giving him any tools to work on his problems. He had a major breakdown age 19-20 and did get ads and cognitive therapy. Can only recommend cognitive therapy, gives you tools to work with.

But yes and no it was very much teen problems, but turned into ocd-thinking - I'm not worth anything, I'm a bad human being etc. You couldn't reason with him, when it was worst.
Hope this answers your question 😀.

Not long home.

Got there and she was hyperventilating away on the trolley, hooked up to a monitor and in her hospital gown. Took a while to bring her round, doctor was doing the sternum rub and trapezium squeeze etc. She eventually came round, looked at me and said "oh, you look old"!!!!!! well yes I think I've aged 10 bloody years today!!!

I called her friend again and she insisted it was only alcohol. Urine tests showed no drugs detected. Doctor was quite impatient with her and no bloody wonder! Saw a little baby going past our curtain on oxygen. What a waste of nhs resources but at least we know it was just alcohol.

Ex had went to the party house and found her in the garden on the grass in her leggings, bra, no shoes or socks and covered in dog shit. He had to sling her over his shoulder to get her in the car.

She kept talking about 2 men leaning over her but ex assured me it was 2 paramedics at the hospital who helped him get her out the car.

And she kept bloody saying "don't hate me, this isn't MY fault"

So she had to come home in a hospital gown as clothes covered in dog poo. Wearing my slip on shoes while I was in my tights. And all she cared about is where her eyelashes had went to.

Oh and she's being referred to social services too. Oh joy!

I'm meant to be studying for an interview tomorrow morning but have just had a couple of wines instead.

Thanks for the hand hold and sorry for being in such a flap

Hope her head is agony tomorrow!

Tbh Gandalf456 i'm a bit suspicious of parents who appear to have it all sussed or who are keen to point out to others where they are going wrong. Agree with Bagpuss that they are probably glossing over the bad bits!

I have an extremely volatile charmer as well and I have huge doubts about my parenting. But I think doubts are better than "my way or the highway" or over-confidence. At least when we are doubting we are constantly self assessing and questioning etc which I think is a good thing. As Ticklingcheese said, we all need to talk about it and not give in to the 'eye rolling brigade'.

Thank you Gandalf Ticklingcheese and Whattodofgs for your thoughts about phone monitoring. Much appreciated and lots to think about!

Tickling I hope your ds's depression is less severe now and thank you for anxiety control tips. Bach RR does nothing for me but will try breathing exercises (actually doc recommended that too).

That sounds v difficult Squeegle when your ex isn't backing you up. Hope you can persuade your ds to see a counsellor. Totally understandable you are on high alert all the time.

LordProFekko at "I'm not at home"

Hope things are as ok as they possibly can be in current circs Daintytoes and you can all get some rest tonight.

Waves to everyone else!

X post Daintytoes thank heavens she is ok and you are home. Please don't apologise, all of us would have been flapping in that situation! I'd be annoyed that her "friends" left her in that state but at least they called you! Don't blame you for the . Well deserved! And well done! And hope your dd doesn't fill too rough in the morning!

Good luck with your interview tomorrow morning too (if you are still going ahead with it that is).

Good luck tomorrow @dainty very pleased she’s home. I’d like to say hope DD feels bloody sick tomorrow but then she’d be more difficult to deal with when you need a calm day so just wishing you a peaceful day 🍷

Oh daintytoes - what a nightmare! Thank goodness your DD is okay
Hopefully the mega hangover and embarrassment at the state she got in will be a bit of a wake-up call for her.
Hope you manage to get a good night's rest, and best of luck tomorrow

Daintytoes so glad she is ok.

When Dd went missing at the weekend none of her friends were willing to give any information at all so at least your Dds friend did.

I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can.

Social services have been helpful for us.

Ah thanks everyone

I really don't want to put off my interview. Have waited a week for it so far and can't think of anything else! All showered and in bed with a cup of tea now so on track for the interview!!

DD is still in hospital gown. Refusing to take it off as it's "really comfy"

Her dad is picking her up in the morning to take her to his as he's home working tomorrow. Also the added benefit of her 1 and 4 year old siblings to add to her headache

Thanks again everyone. Haven't had a chance to read through the rest of today's news, hope all's well.

what oh gosh that's right, your DD went missing! Glad she's back now.

Such a mixed bag of crappy teenage behaviour on this thread.

Night night everyone

@daintytoes
What an awful day for you. Just hope some good may come of it and it will be a wake up call for your daughter.
Good luck for the interview. X

daintytoes glad your dd home safe
Good luck with interview

Blimey, dainty, you.must be relieved... nd fuming!

Hope the kids are extra hyper tomorrow. Maybe some smarties?😁

Good morning all, glad we have this thread. Really glad you started in pegs

Dainty good luck with your interview today, I hope it goes well

Ticklingcheese how is your ds now? I am keeping an eye on my ds, he said on Monday he hates everything about himself. He feels unhappy a lot of the time but last night said he is blocking it out. I pestered the college counsellor and she will see him again, I am hoping he engages. It does him no good sitting at home in front on the Pc during holidays...I have to work and at 16 he doesn't want to go out with me all the time anyway. He is upset at having no social life, but it's not something I can sort for him. When he's settled down a bit more I am hoping to suggest a few activities to take him out. He has co-ordination issues so unable to ride a bike and sports are a problem

Anyway - a little something I practice for a bit of an escape from the worry is a 2 minute or 5 minute relaxation on my Fitbit, the suggestion is to take deep slow breaths and a heart with a circle shows on it. Throughout the day it can be useful to help with the stress.

Have a good day everyone

@light have you taken him to see a gp? The college counsellors are great but there are so many people seeing them that the ones who really need to can’t get a place or are just another one in the long list.

Dd had actually left the school by the time a place became available. I ended up paying for a private gp appointment (approx £100) worth every penny. They have a whole half hour to just listen then any blood tests can be done there and then. You do have to pay private prescription fees we were quoted about £16 for it which I said ok to but when we got to Tesco to pick it up the cost was 80p!

She also had cbt over the phone through nhs which she whinged about at the time but said last week that it really had helped (it was 18m ago)

The breathing thing for you, can really help, singing helps as well.

Will he swim, or get in water, outdoor swimming is now getting scientific interest to help with mental health and honestly I find just a couple of lengths of our local lido my mood has completely lifted.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-45487187

This is an article to the bbc for cold water swimming and it’s links to reduce depression and anxiety. The lady in the original program posts from time to time on a fb page I follow and last time I saw her post she was still doing it and it was still working.

@dainty how is dd today? Really good luck with interview 💐

Billy thanks great suggestions. We've been to see GP x3 times and again soon. She suggested a local youth counselling service, very long waiting list & they basically said not they're not available after college. We will go private if college are no help. Ds is up and down. I love the idea of wild swimming. I have a friend who does it, but ds turns down anything I suggest. However will look at link, thanks. He knows he needs to do some prep for uni though and I'm confident he may get involved with a local wildlife trust. All x'd.

Good to hear the cbt helped your dd. Does she have other sessions booked?

She only had the 4 sessions and a number of B12 injections which also made a big difference but they’ve changed the lower level now so it’s harder to get them.

We couldn’t even get through on the phone to the youth counselling service let alone far enough to talk to people about waiting lists.

It’s absolutely shocking, but in fairness to them it’s not something they could have predicted or budgeted for I think the last 10 years have seen such a massive spike it’s come as a shock all round,

Things have been ok this week, we’re still no closer to finding a school 😬

CAHMS cancelled his first 1:1 session today due to illness. I’m so disappointed, hopefully the rest will happen.

@daintytoes what a horrible thing- i hope you’re coping and that perhaps this shocks dd into some sense. I’m feeling frustrated here with the many suggestions I have to help ds- find a male role model, do more sport, find family activities you all enjoy, - all either impractical or he won’t do them. Feel like we’re trapped in our little hell, sometimes, with him lashing out. On phones, I do check and I insist on findmyfriends too. I hope to move away from it but he is doing a lot of stupid/risky stuff and we’re in a big city where teens can easily find trouble. Not sure he’s hearing anything I say though.