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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Is parenting a teen adversely affecting your mh?

999 replies

Pegsinarow · 25/03/2019 14:32

I'm going through what feels like hell with one of my teen's atm.

Today she has told me that I'm a failure, that she hates me, that she wishes I was dead. The expression on her face was really hateful when she said it.

Normally I can shrug this off as "usual" teen angst. I was even advising my friend the other month about not taking this sort of stuff too personally.

But I am really struggling too now. Partly I suppose because my confidence isn't great anyway owing to the menopause.

Sorry if this sounds too "woe is me" but I just feel really crap atm.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
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billybagpuss · 22/04/2019 16:51

Sending you loads of cyber hugs and hope you've been able to enjoy the sun with your other DC's @whattodo

Squeegle · 22/04/2019 17:16

Yeah, what about speaking to one of her friends and begging them re the boyfriend. This really isn’t the time for them to keep quiet and diplomatic. Sorry your day is not what it should be. Sounds like she is fine as she doesn’t want to come back; but it is atrocious for you ConfusedSad. Surely the police can do something , she is under age.

BlueJag · 22/04/2019 17:33

@3dogs2cats sorry you really made me laugh when you said you spend most of your time hiding. Most have been hard. Grin

BlueJag · 22/04/2019 17:39

@JonestheMail please don't do that again. Let her rescue herself. That's why she is so rude because she doesn't appreciate you.

Whattodofgs · 22/04/2019 19:44

Dd home safely.

Thanks for all the handholds.

Squeegle · 22/04/2019 19:51

Fab. So glad to read that

Original poster
Pegsinarow · 22/04/2019 20:43

That's great news Whattodofgs

OP posts:
LightandAiry · 22/04/2019 20:59

I'm pleased she's home. I hope you get plenty of sleep tonight.

billybagpuss · 22/04/2019 21:02

So pleased she's home @whattodo, hope the atmosphere there isn't too explosive.

mcmen71 · 22/04/2019 22:11

Thats great shes home have a good talk.

RoseMartha · 22/04/2019 22:30

Day from hell today. Obnoxious rude entitled kids! (Mine). Nothing was good enough. Broke my furniture. Had insults hurled at me and broke my glasses. Refused to co operate with any simple or normal request. Then threatened to kill herself if i did not give in to her demands. Then proceeded to have a temper tantrum for two hours with full on toddler like screaming and kicking, when consequences for her behaviour were given. Finally calmed down and went to sleep. ( did not get own way btw). I feel shattered and upset and unsettled.

Xeroxarama · 22/04/2019 22:36

That sounds horrible. I’m sure the boundaries are appreciated somewhere or sometime, but it feels so destructive when they resist so hard.

Staywithmemyblood · 22/04/2019 23:26

Aw, thank goodness she's home safe whattodofgs. Hope you get a good sleep tonight.

Oh dear, RoseMartha - my DD kicks off like that too sometimes and it's horrific. No wonder you are shattered - it is traumatic. Well done for holding the boundaries though- you're doing a great job Flowers

Whoops75 · 22/04/2019 23:27

RoseMartha .sorry you had such a crap day.
I predict my day tomorrow will be similar.

Ds has been a pig all weekend and we’re going to call a halt to it tomorrow morning.
He will of course think we’re unreasonable yet all his friends observed meal times and curfews! He wants no rules, no consequences go bad behavior, no pressure to get back to school etc
Feel like I’m in the eye of the storm!

Thinking of you all x

Staywithmemyblood · 22/04/2019 23:38

Good luck whoops75 - we're here for you if you need a handhold

Original poster
Pegsinarow · 23/04/2019 04:52

Good morning everyone!

Well done for staying strong Rosemartha! Mine has had that full blown tantrum before and it's horrible while it's going on.

Good luck today Whoops75 hope it's not as bad as you fear.

Hope you had a good sleep last night Whattodofgs!

For those of you for whom it's a back to work/back to school day - good luck with it all - and have a strong Brew.

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 23/04/2019 08:14

Well done @Rosemartha, I know I wouldn't have been able to handle that with any form of dignity.

Hope today is better, she will be exhausted as are you.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 23/04/2019 08:43

Mine is glued to bloody FIFA.

auberginesrus · 23/04/2019 09:23

Glad your dd returned safely whatofdogs

Rosemartha that sounds horrible, could she be pre-menstrual? I'm still known to get a bit that way myself at certain times of the month aged 47 Blush

DS turned up on Sunday evening as agreed. We've had a good chat but still feels very awkward. He joined us for a family day out yesterday. No revision but we've decided the ball is in his court the and we'll help him pick up the pieces if necessary.

MachineBee · 23/04/2019 17:46

Aubergine - I think you’re right to let them work out whether to do revision or not. Many teens simply push back against any advice, however good it may be. It is hard, but sometimes we just have to let them work it out for themselves.

mcmen71 · 23/04/2019 18:54

pegsinarow how are things with you and dd since you started this thread

auberginesrus good that your ds went on family day out hope it went well

whatofdogs how are you and dd today
whoops75 how did your chat go with ds this morn any tips
daintytoes how are you and your daughter since she was assaulted did you go to police.
Hope the rest off you all having a calm easter.

Original poster
Pegsinarow · 23/04/2019 19:04

Oh that's v kind of you to ask thank you McMen71 funnily enough things have been considerably better! One major fall out which I didn't handle well at all. But the others haven't escalated and I think I am doing better at holding the line and not blowing up, thanks to everyone's advice and wise words on here. How are you doing?

Could be worse LordprofFekko! Grin

That all sounds a lot more positive Auberginerus! Agree with Machinebee you can lead a horse to water etc ... intensely frustrating though!

Have a good evening Po Ts!

OP posts:
Squeegle · 23/04/2019 19:14

School tomorrow 😱. My DS (15) has been going into school about 10 every day. He is really obnoxious in the morning - swearing and hitting me if I try to get him up. So thank God he is going to stay with his father tonight. I think this is anxiety and plays out in anger. He often apologises later but it is very stressful, and of course he is missing a lot of school.

Whattodofgs · 23/04/2019 19:17

Things are ok today. Thanks.

KeeleeBee · 23/04/2019 19:21

I have been looking for some support on how to parent a teenager online and came across this thread. I have a 16 year old boy and have no friends with children this age. I had him at 23/24 so not super young by most of my friends started a lot later. I think I just don’t know what’s normal and what’s not. I’m struggling with my mental health (the topic of this thread I think) because I fret that he doesn’t communicate very well - I get one word or grunts. Every suggestion of a positive thing eg we have nearly finalised our holidays / or I was wondering do you still need that hoodie I could maybe buy it when you finish you exams ... is met with a shrug. It’s so demoralising being the bad guy. I question where he’s going and who he’s with and what time he’ll be home and he looks worn down by my questions and just evades them. I read previously on the thread that 10pm weekdays and 11pm weekends might be reasonable for a 16 yo and maybe I have been too strict trying to go with 9/10. It’s so hard this parenting a teenager!!!

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