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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is parenting a teen adversely affecting your mh?

999 replies

Pegsinarow · 25/03/2019 14:32

I'm going through what feels like hell with one of my teen's atm.

Today she has told me that I'm a failure, that she hates me, that she wishes I was dead. The expression on her face was really hateful when she said it.

Normally I can shrug this off as "usual" teen angst. I was even advising my friend the other month about not taking this sort of stuff too personally.

But I am really struggling too now. Partly I suppose because my confidence isn't great anyway owing to the menopause.

Sorry if this sounds too "woe is me" but I just feel really crap atm.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Squeegle · 22/04/2019 04:10

Oh no whattodo, also thinking of you and hoping she will be back soon. Hopefully the police may be able to track her down with her phone? Please don’t question where you went wrong. It’s not like that, it’s all about what’s going on in her head which isn’t always logical.

Squeegle · 22/04/2019 04:12

I don’t think you can sleep. The comfort you can draw is that she has chosen to stay away, so she has made that arrangement herself. Really feel for you.

billybagpuss · 22/04/2019 05:17

@whattodo 💐I know there’s no way you got any sleep but hope she’s back today.

Is she back at school tomorrow?

Whattodofgs · 22/04/2019 05:29

No school until next week here.

I have other Dc so trying to get some sleep.

Whoops75 · 22/04/2019 05:32

Whattodofgs - I hope she’s ok

It’s so hard, if you’re awake read this full thread and write out any nuggets of wisdom that ease your mind x

Michelle5234 · 22/04/2019 08:06

What a great response - thank you so much, you have really helped me, and I’m sure lots of others! 💐

billybagpuss · 22/04/2019 08:10

Has she texted you yet @whattodo?

On the plus side you know she’s more or less ok as it is deliberately missing, have you met, do you know anything about the bf I guess that’s where she probably is, have you called the police?

Please know you have done nothing wrong by her, it will take time but she will be ok in the end.

Keep posting it’s a good place to vent especially as seeing as how many of us were awake at 5am

LightandAiry · 22/04/2019 08:28

Whattodo Thinking of youFlowers

I hope you managed to get some rest.

Staywithmemyblood · 22/04/2019 09:16

Oh no, whattodofgs - so sorry. I don't think they can grasp just how worrying this is for parents. Such a misjudged act in their struggle towards adulthood and independence. Sincerely hope she is back home safe soon. Please don't blame yourself Flowers

Whattodofgs · 22/04/2019 09:20

No texts since last night.

It's so difficult when you know she is deliberately doing this. Police don't seem to be doing much.

Staywithmemyblood · 22/04/2019 09:40

Sad Could you phone round her friends again and ask to speak to their parents too? If they genuinely don't know where she is they'll be worried too and surely wouldn't mind you checking with their parents. If they don't let you speak to their parents then it's likely they are covering for her and perhaps the police could follow this up. I don't know - maybe clutching at straws here. Hope you find her soon Flowers

Ticklingcheese · 22/04/2019 09:42

So sorry whattodofgs thinking of you 💐.

Whattodofgs · 22/04/2019 09:47

I have spoken to the parents of all the friends who I have numbers for.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/04/2019 10:07

Hope she comes home soon, what a worry

auberginesrus · 22/04/2019 10:23

Hope she comes home soon whatofdogs

auberginesrus · 22/04/2019 10:30

And keep pushing the police - especially as she has stopped contacting you

Original poster
Pegsinarow · 22/04/2019 11:14

Good morning everyone. Sorry to be awol from thread.

I am usually awake around 4 and 5 am (thank you menopause) but slept in today and missed your posts
Whattdofgs. It's utterly crap that you are being put through this stress and it's completely unfair on you. As Billybagpuss said, she is most likely holed up with bf somewhere. I wonder if his parents are around and if they are aware of her age? Hopefully she will turn up soon if she knows that the police have been informed. You'd think her bf might be a bit worried at that prospect too. God if I could get hold of him I would strangle him for you Whattodo (not helpful I know). And you have done nothing wrong, this is the age when they turn away from us and out towards friends and peers so they are naturally more likely to succumb to their influence.

Waves to Michelle5234 Flowers

Staywithmemyblood
I suspect that by the time I'm finally getting the hang of it, DD will be all grown up and gone [ sad]

^ This x 1000! Especially with only having one daughter, I feel immense pressure to get it right first time!

Hope you enjoyed your teen-free time Staywithmemyblood and your dh survived this month's hormonal onslaught Grin although, if you don't mind me saying so, he should try being a menopausal woman for a day or two Wink Smile

Auberginerus glad you got a visit and a text and that you are generally feeling less stressed x

Daintytoes I was also thinking of your dd in this hot weather. I felt for her so much when you said about her covering up. Heavens, what has our society done to our youngsters that they suffer such agonies x

Whey hey to tidy bedroom McMen71! Grin

But yes, the shooting of that journalist was just awful Sad What a world eh?

BigSandyballs hope the pleasantness is continuing! And what a rotten situation for your guest. I shared a flat with a lovely girl once who lost her mother at 13yrs. Her dad was in the military and barely checked in. Then he went on to marry someone much younger than him within a year. This girl had to go in to intensive care briefly after an operation, and I was the only name she had put on the "who to call in an emergency" list. Desperately sad. Wtf are these fathers thinking? Great that she got to share in your Easter though.

Whoops75 what a lovely surprise! Hope you are having a lovely time together x

Billybagbuss hope you got dd1 and bf to do the washing up Wink

The worry never stops Bibbitybobbity and wears you down after a while I agree ... .

Fist bumps to Squeegle Ticklingcheese Lightandairy and everyone else.

OP posts:
Squeegle · 22/04/2019 11:29

Thank you Pegs

whatthe, so sorry you are still going through this. She is putting you through it. Is the bf the one you don’t have any details for? Could the police track him down at all? Sorry you have thought of this already I’m sure. It makes me so angry she’s doing this to you; they just don’t realise do they?

Whattodofgs · 22/04/2019 11:54

Thank you all for the support.

I have had a one word text from her.

The Boyfriends family do know her age but don't see it as an issue.

It's a beautiful day here. So hard to know what to do. Trying to keep it normal for other Dc.

Whattodofgs · 22/04/2019 11:54

The police haven't been able to find the BF.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/04/2019 12:10

Shocking that his family don’t see an issue with the fact their 19 year old son has a 14 year old gf!

Whattodofgs · 22/04/2019 12:26

They aren't exactly a typical family.

I don't know what to do. Push harder with the police to get it all over Social Media or accept the fact that if she wanted to come home she would. I have offered to pick her up and got no response.

mcmen71 · 22/04/2019 15:29

whattodofgs Any update on your dd this thread makes me worry about all your teens hope she comes home safe Do you know her bf have you met him cause if you think she not I would go around to one of her friends and beg her to take you to his house sometimes or teens are closer to their friends about bfs than to parents my dd1 is. When she stayed out thur nite She asked if she could I told her to make the decision but when I got her home friday I lost the plot with her for even asking so dont think she will do it again as I have never even seen her bf but thankfully my friend knows his family and she keeps me sane that he is good but I dont know where exactly his house is if there had been an emergncy. She has spent the last 3 days with him but comes home at night. So he see more off her than we do 😃😃

billybagpuss · 22/04/2019 16:39

Hope you've heard more now @whattodo, you must be worried sick.

Whattodofgs · 22/04/2019 16:45

No update. As far as we know she is away drinking with other teenagers.

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