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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How would your teenager react if you kindly asked them to wash 5 plates???

39 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 18/02/2019 21:05

My 14 year old is so lazy and wont do anything. Ive let him play the xbox all day, ive cooked him tea, made him dessert and kindly asked if he could wash the desert dishes whilst i had a bath. His reply what am I getting out of it? Id better get paid then he said nah actually Im not doing it for 50p. Im not doing it!! I am so annoyed. We pay for jobs around the house and refuses to do anything. He lives off birthday and Christmas money which he just wastes on sweets and food if he goes out with his mates. He just has such a rubbish attitude.

OP posts:
PristineCondition · 18/02/2019 21:07

Turn off the internet/ electricity in his room till his attitude goes.

MyGirlDaisy · 18/02/2019 21:13

Presuming he is on half term this week? Put a bag in his room and tell him to put his dirty laundry in as he will be doing his own washing this week and you will show him how to use the machine if he doesn’t know already. Put cleaning materials in his room and tell him it’s his job to clean his room this week. Tell him what there is for lunch and explain he can make it himself when he is hungry! Did this with one of my lazy teens a few years ago - he was so shocked, he did do it and whilst he didn’t continue to do things on a regular basis it made him appreciate me a bit more. Good Luck, much as we love them teens are hard work at times!

QueenieInFrance · 18/02/2019 21:15

What wouod my teen say?
On a good day ‘yep no problem’
On a bad day, will grumble, pull a face,’do I really have to do that?’ Amd would get on with it.

BUT in our house, chores aren’t paid for. They are things everyone helps with because we are working as a team.
And the dcs ahve always helped since they were tiny. Not a lot but putting the table, putting things in the dishwasher etc...

MoreHairyThanScary · 18/02/2019 21:21

Teen dd wanted to make cakes today told her to wash up first and then after...she did.

I think your ds is a little toooooo comfortable, timeto make things more difficult, half term is a perfect time for somelife lessons.

BackforGood · 18/02/2019 21:31

We pay for jobs around the house and refuses to do anything. He lives off birthday and Christmas money which he just wastes on sweets and food if he goes out with his mates

Well there you go.
By paying him, you have offered him a choice. To him, it's 'not worth it'. He has more than enough money for his needs - why would he do something he doesn't want to do for 50p ?

My dc would do them, because they've understood from when they were little, that everyone who lives in the house contributes to it (at their own level). Don't get me wrong - my dc are FAR from perfect, but they do grasp that if I (or dh) are doing everything in the house, then we wouldn't have time to take them where they want taking to, getting things they need us to get them - for whatever hobbies etc, etc.

ArmchairTraveller · 18/02/2019 21:32

Mine have always pitched in and done some of the household chores, which makes sharing a house with them much easier. Your son needs a metaphorical boot up the arse to stop him taking things and you for granted. He has got one thing half right. What are the consequences of him choosing not to do anything useful or helpful?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 18/02/2019 21:33

They'd probably grumble, in fact he did yesterday but knew that if he didn't do it, he'd probably lose the internet for at least an hour.

Hoplittlebunnies · 18/02/2019 21:34

Stop doing anything for him because "what am I getting out of it?"

He can wash his own clothes, make his own dinner, and suggest he uses his Christmas and birthday money to provide his own Wi-Fi...

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 18/02/2019 21:34

We have recently got a dishwasher. Dc are to do a week each of emptying it.
Ds 15+17 twisted at first.
Not dishes =no home cooked meal.
Not had any problems so far.

Soontobe60 · 18/02/2019 21:36

So, first thing, remove the devices or at least the wifi. Make a daily list of all the things he has to do. Wifi will be turned back in once they are all completed.

ArmchairTraveller · 18/02/2019 21:40

It’s around a mile from the station to home. When mine were going through a difficult patch, they walked a lot more. I also would stop buying treat foods for a week. They knew exactly why, no passive aggressive silences. They are both very decent, reasonable adults now.

00100001 · 18/02/2019 21:40

More fool you for paying them.

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 18/02/2019 21:57

I would try sending this ?

Longdistance · 18/02/2019 22:05

My dds 9 and loves doing the washing up.
Don’t know what she’ll be like as a teen. The younger dd is a bit meh about washing up.

MancaroniCheese · 19/02/2019 00:28

Mine wouldn’t grumble but might need a bit of —nagging— reminding to do it.

They all know that we all have to pitch in to keep the house running but I also reward them for it with treats / slipping them a few quid here and there.

Andro · 19/02/2019 00:35

DS wouldn't have to be asked, 12yo dd would either slink off and do them (good day) or give an Oscar-worthy performance the do them (while whining about her nails).

00Sassy · 19/02/2019 00:43

My teen DS (15) happily mucks in with the household chores and expects no reward! I try not to let him do too much. So it’s the teatime dishes each day and hoovering/dusting the sitting room once per week..

Hotterthanahotthing · 20/02/2019 11:06

My dd will not wash up.Our compromise is there she puts them away.
She will willingly washup at relatives houses.

AlexaShutUp · 20/02/2019 11:10

My 13yo would either say OK and get on with it happily, or she would make a face and get on with it grudgingly - it would depend on her overall mood and what she was doing when asked. As a general rule, though, I find her very willing to help out and pull her weight. She knows that there are no housework fairies and recognises that she lives in the house so has to do her fair share.

BrokenWing · 20/02/2019 23:27

Ds(14) helps with various chores and usually with no problem. But I am careful when I ask, more likely to fill/empty dishwasher, vacuum, do recycling, clean own room, strip beds etc in the morning or early afternoon than later when he wants to go online or out with friends.

He has never been paid for chores, he has known for years he is expected to contribute to them as part of the family and it's quicker /easier to just do them than argue/get into a long discussion and turn have to do anyway. If he had something else planned that's okay he can skip or so later, and I've never had to force the issue (yet!)

BigSandyBalls2015 · 21/02/2019 08:46

Mine would do it ..... eventually, in their own time. Ie a few hours later which would piss me off

Babdoc · 21/02/2019 08:56

DC do not develop their attitudes and behaviour standards in isolation. You have helped to produce a selfish lazy young man by spoiling him, by giving him the idea that he doesn’t need to do any chores unless paid for it, that he can live in a house and do nothing to contribute to its smooth running.
You have only a few years left to turn this round before he becomes a lazy adult and a nightmare partner for his poor future wife.
As PPs have said, withdraw all your services. Make him solely responsible for his own cleaning, cooking and washing. Don’t provide wifi and don’t chauffeur him anywhere. And for goodness’ sake, stop paying him to do his own chores!
I think you’ll find that a very short taste of this treatment will give him a rude awakening. I hope so, for all your sakes. Good luck!

IncrediblySadToo · 21/02/2019 09:09

This is why I always say I don’t think it’s a good idea to pay children to do everyday jobs around the house. It gives them the impression it’s your job, but you’ll pay them to do it for you. Nope. They do things because they have been asked/told to.

I don’t think anyone’s mood/attitude is great after spending a whole day playing games online (or watching shite like Riverdale!). They don’t have screen time limits and I never make it about ‘the screen’ but I do say that it’s time to do x now (music practice etc), send them around the shop for something, play a board game or take them out. They’re happy to do those things when asked (well not so much happy to do music practise but just get on with it!).

Your DS’s attitude is horrible. If he lived here he’d soon work out what he had been getting out of it, that he no longer was. WiFi, treats, doing very little around the house etc).

doodleygirl · 21/02/2019 09:16

I am sorry to be so harsh but you need to look in the mirror, the reason your DS acts this way is because you chose to allow him to be a little prince.

DC should be included in household duties from an early age and not be paid for them, it should be part and parcel of family life. If my DC acted in this way I would be ashamed of them and me.

I would think you need to do some major work on changing the dynamics in your household.

IncrediblySadToo · 21/02/2019 09:16

Oh and now they’re getting older we’re morphing into them being expected to do things that need doing, because they need doing, rather than needing to be asked. Mostly just obvious things like emptying the kitchen rubbish/recycling bins instead of cramming more in, emptying the dishwasher if it’s ready to be emptied rather than just abandoning used stuff on the side.

Teaching them to ‘see’ what needs doing and just doing it is really important IMO.