How would your teenager react if you kindly asked them to wash 5 plates???

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

My 14 year old is so lazy and wont do anything. Ive let him play the xbox all day, ive cooked him tea, made him dessert and kindly asked if he could wash the desert dishes whilst i had a bath. His reply what am I getting out of it? Id better get paid then he said nah actually Im not doing it for 50p. Im not doing it!! I am so annoyed. We pay for jobs around the house and refuses to do anything. He lives off birthday and Christmas money which he just wastes on sweets and food if he goes out with his mates. He just has such a rubbish attitude.

[millythepink]

Completely agree with everything Babdoc said. If asked to wash some dirty dishes my teenagers would do it because I haven't spoilt them by making them feel entitled.

[MoBiroBo]

I am a SAHM and no-one pays me to do chores so the children have never been paid either.

From 4 and in school they were responsible for taking their plastic plate and plastic cup from the table into the kitchen, helped scrape the plate and put it into the dishwasher. This is what they do at school, they are responsible for their lunch tray (minus the dishwasher bit) a dinner person doesn't do it for them like some pampered prince.

Then it progressed to wiping out the bathroom sink after they have used it, stripping beds, putting bedding back on.

They are now almost 16 and 13. Both boys, they set the table, help make dinner, clear the table at the end and wipe it down. They have to stay in the kitchen with me and DH helping until all dinner stuff has been dealt with like hand washing pans.

They also empty a bin each on a set day (never a full bin in this house) and put the bin out for the bin truck on their way to school. Doesn't matter if it is raining as they are heading out the door anyway.

They also help unpack shopping and put it away. It is called learning to be an adult.

Their "reward" for their helpfulness is they get to game/watch YouTube/TV because you do not reward bad behaviour.

Your son doesn't need the money hence why he can choose not to do the chores you set, but by God I bet he would if you removed his x-box. You pay for the electricity probably his phone so cut him off.

[notacooldad]

I remember DP asking DS1 who was around 13 and very grumpy at the time to take the laundry upstairs and just put it on the bed and we'll sort it out.
He was going up stairs anyway! The amount of moaning he did! We had comments like 'I'm just a slave in this house, I'm expected to do EVERYTHING!

He is 22 now but we like to bring it up every now and then for a laugh!

[OvO]

Mine are free to refuse to do chores and I’m free to ban screens in response. They soon start being helpful if you stick to your guns.

I tell mine that if they say no to everything they can’t expect me to feel happy with them and I’m extremely unlikely to say yes to them when they ask me for something/do something for them.

They might still grumble about chores but they all get done.

[TheyGotMyName]

"It's not my job" is what my dss (11) says, I also tell him not is it my job either but I still do it, like cleaning the toilet and washing his clothes are also not his dad nor my "job" yet it still gets done. Then he grumbles something under his breath and does it very very slowly

[MargoLovebutter]

Second all the posters saying that you need to stop paying your DS to contribute to your household.

My DC help me because I brought them up that way. They know I'm not a domestic servant and it would be awful if I was catering to their every need like a slave and they did fuck all.

You need to change the dynamic with your teen and let him know that there are consequences for not helping out. As I tell mine, if I'm too knackered from doing everything, then I won't be able to pick them up from their party later on and they know I mean it too!!!!

[theredjellybean]

Mine would do it.. No moans or grumbles
I made it clear early on, that I work hard, they have lovely lives with many good things and we are a team.. So they do stuff for all of us.. Just as I go to work to earn money for all of us.
I am endlessly shocked by how many parents let teens play xbox all day and then "ask them if they could please do xyz"... No you are the adult here, don't ask them... Tell them

[notacooldad]

At 14 my Ds would try every trick in the book not to do it but would make me laugh! I would ( and still do!) point out that he could have done them 10 mins ago

It was always good natured though and they got done.

[JustDanceAddict]

Mine would moan but do it. We have a cleaning up rota for after dinner that we more or less adhere to.
I have paid DD for extra chores like ironing as a one-off.

[toastonbean]

DS14 does the dishes and dishwasher/wiping surfaces etc every night after dinner. Also does his own laundry (not ironing) and "cleans" his bedroom and bathroom (never well enough)

He moans THE WHOLE TIME but he does it because he knows if he doesn't his PS4 disappears for a fortnight

Carrot + stick

[Imperfectsusan]

Mine would do it without a murmur. But a few years ago they would moan, complain, refuse and one finally cry. Really! Finally I called a house meeting where all the jobs in the house were analysed each each got one regular task eg hoover the hall, stairs and landing, PLUS the evening dishwasher. They were unhappy about it for weeks, and fought with each other over it too, but they just did it eventually, more so the dishes. They do it automatically and happily now, although one has left. I still have to remind about the other jobs.

[Shockers]

I agree with others; when he wants a lift etc., just ask him what’s in it for you.

[Shockers]

As younger teens they would’ve just got on with it.

Now they will say, “Yes, in a minute.” The minute can last quite a long time, but I bite my lip as long as the job gets done. It’s their way of showing me they are in charge of their choices.

[RedSkyLastNight]

Afraid I agree with others. If you pay for jobs, you are giving out the message that they are optional and deserve payment.

Our DC understand that we expect them to pitch in and do a few jobs because this makes it easier and nicerfor everyone.
In answer to your question, it woukd depend on whether I'd interrupted something crucial. We might get some Mona ing back but the dishes would get washed, though not necessarily straight away

[IncrediblySadToo]

Oh and now they’re getting older we’re morphing into them being expected to do things that need doing, because they need doing, rather than needing to be asked. Mostly just obvious things like emptying the kitchen rubbish/recycling bins instead of cramming more in, emptying the dishwasher if it’s ready to be emptied rather than just abandoning used stuff on the side.

Teaching them to ‘see’ what needs doing and just doing it is really important IMO.

[doodleygirl]

I am sorry to be so harsh but you need to look in the mirror, the reason your DS acts this way is because you chose to allow him to be a little prince.

DC should be included in household duties from an early age and not be paid for them, it should be part and parcel of family life. If my DC acted in this way I would be ashamed of them and me.

I would think you need to do some major work on changing the dynamics in your household.

[IncrediblySadToo]

This is why I always say I don’t think it’s a good idea to pay children to do everyday jobs around the house. It gives them the impression it’s your job, but you’ll pay them to do it for you. Nope. They do things because they have been asked/told to.

I don’t think anyone’s mood/attitude is great after spending a whole day playing games online (or watching shite like Riverdale!). They don’t have screen time limits and I never make it about ‘the screen’ but I do say that it’s time to do x now (music practice etc), send them around the shop for something, play a board game or take them out. They’re happy to do those things when asked (well not so much happy to do music practise but just get on with it!).

Your DS’s attitude is horrible. If he lived here he’d soon work out what he had been getting out of it, that he no longer was. WiFi, treats, doing very little around the house etc).

[Babdoc]

DC do not develop their attitudes and behaviour standards in isolation. You have helped to produce a selfish lazy young man by spoiling him, by giving him the idea that he doesn’t need to do any chores unless paid for it, that he can live in a house and do nothing to contribute to its smooth running.
You have only a few years left to turn this round before he becomes a lazy adult and a nightmare partner for his poor future wife.
As PPs have said, withdraw all your services. Make him solely responsible for his own cleaning, cooking and washing. Don’t provide wifi and don’t chauffeur him anywhere. And for goodness’ sake, stop paying him to do his own chores!
I think you’ll find that a very short taste of this treatment will give him a rude awakening. I hope so, for all your sakes. Good luck!

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Mine would do it ..... eventually, in their own time. Ie a few hours later which would piss me off

[BrokenWing]

Ds(14) helps with various chores and usually with no problem. But I am careful when I ask, more likely to fill/empty dishwasher, vacuum, do recycling, clean own room, strip beds etc in the morning or early afternoon than later when he wants to go online or out with friends.

He has never been paid for chores, he has known for years he is expected to contribute to them as part of the family and it's quicker /easier to just do them than argue/get into a long discussion and turn have to do anyway. If he had something else planned that's okay he can skip or so later, and I've never had to force the issue (yet!)

[AlexaShutUp]

My 13yo would either say OK and get on with it happily, or she would make a face and get on with it grudgingly - it would depend on her overall mood and what she was doing when asked. As a general rule, though, I find her very willing to help out and pull her weight. She knows that there are no housework fairies and recognises that she lives in the house so has to do her fair share.

[Hotterthanahotthing]

My dd will not wash up.Our compromise is there she puts them away.
She will willingly washup at relatives houses.

[00Sassy]

My teen DS (15) happily mucks in with the household chores and expects no reward! I try not to let him do too much. So it’s the teatime dishes each day and hoovering/dusting the sitting room once per week..

[Andro]

DS wouldn't have to be asked, 12yo dd would either slink off and do them (good day) or give an Oscar-worthy performance the do them (while whining about her nails).

[MancaroniCheese]

Mine wouldn’t grumble but might need a bit of —nagging— reminding to do it.

They all know that we all have to pitch in to keep the house running but I also reward them for it with treats / slipping them a few quid here and there.