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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

ds has run away.

135 replies

steppemum · 12/01/2019 23:25

ds is 16. He is pretty nice teen, in the middle of mocks now and working quite hard. He is a strong character, but respects the boundaries etc.

In other words, no issues really, other than normal teen moments.

We have had a row, it has been rumbling since Thursday evening, something happened between him and little sister and he doesn't think he is in anyway at fault depite admitted that he massively wound her up on purpose.

The internet was off on Friday night, because of this, and back on today, but the original argument has not been resolved. We were happy to let it go, but he came down and asked for an internet extension - it goes off at 10, and at the weekend remove that, but dh hadn't done it yet. The conversation started up again and he got really rude. Told dh he was talking bullshit, so dh said end of conversation, not having that.

5 minutes later ds went out through the garage took his bike and vanished.

I have been texting and phoning, and all I know is that he is on a train on his way somewhere, he won't say where.
He does get a train everyday to school, but it is a rural ish train from here to next town, and I don't think it is still running now.

What do I do?
Fundamentally he is sensible, and probably on the way to a school friends. He is also 6'3" so not actually afraid for he physical safety.

Dh says go to bed, he will come bakc tomorrow.

But despite being 16 he is not out partying or even out loads with friends at the weekend. they all live very dispersed and meet over x-box.

Just sitting here, wondering how dh can sleep, wondering what on earth I do.
I can't call police, he is just on a train, he is 16.
Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
steppemum · 13/01/2019 00:46

I had just worked out that it was very unlikely that he caught the last train to town B, as the timing was very tight, so I think that is what he intended and then there wasn't a train.

Thank you all for holding my hand and sending flowers. I do appreciate it.

Tomorrow is another day.

OP posts:
IfNotNowBernard · 13/01/2019 00:47

Oh you poor love. I really don't think any harm can come from calling the police. They will then have a description and check the all night mc Donalds etc in the area. I know he's 16 and tall but he has no phone it's cold out. I know some people are independent from 16 ( not so many now) but that's when they have a job and somehere to live. He's a schoolboy.
Does dd1 have any ideas?

VforVienetta · 13/01/2019 00:47

Perhaps send him a text saying “Not cross, just worried. Please either come home or go to Close Friend’s house so you’re safe. Love you but worried.”
Calling him will use up too much battery if he’s down to 1%, but a text should still get thru.
Fingers crossed he heads home soon.

ThisWayDown · 13/01/2019 00:47

Oh phew! So pleased to hear this.

VforVienetta · 13/01/2019 00:48

Oops sorry! Xpost. So glad he’s home.

IfNotNowBernard · 13/01/2019 00:48

X post! Thank christ for that! WineCake
Get some sleep x

IamFrauBlucher · 13/01/2019 00:50

Thank goodness op. What a night for you. As you say, leave it to the morning, everything can look different in the light of day.

Thanks
2infinity · 13/01/2019 00:51

Please don't take any notice of those criticising you. There as absolutely nothing wrong with giving a 16 year old authority to look after siblings. Only YOU know what is best for your own and you sound like an amazing mum. This is NOT your fault!!

What a worry this must be for you. I'd be up all night as well but i wouldn't be holding it together as well as you.
He will most likely be home in the morning but I understand you just want to know where he is now. I would check what trains left your local train station in the time frame he said he was on a train to get an idea of the direction he was going.

How are you doing now?
Sending hugs x

2infinity · 13/01/2019 00:52

Just seen he is home!!!! Thank God for that!!!! So glad he is safe x

BreevandercampLGJ · 13/01/2019 00:52

A little sheepish and very cold, and something else that I can't put my finger on.

Stoned.. ??

NC4Now · 13/01/2019 00:53

Stiff drink and sleep for you. Glad he’s home.
He probably scared himself.
Flowers

Original poster
steppemum · 13/01/2019 00:54

I did wonder Breevandercamp

I have no idea hwere he would have got it from though.

OP posts:
NC4Now · 13/01/2019 00:57

His new ‘mystery friend’?
I wouldn’t worry about that tonight though. Just get yourself some sleep. You’ve got plenty to talk about tomorrow. Let him speak first.

Original poster
steppemum · 13/01/2019 00:57

I'm off to bed. I can hear dh snoring

To be fair to him, he hasn't been well today and has to be out at 8:00am tomorrow.

OP posts:
Carrotss · 13/01/2019 00:59

IME, if a teenager has a new boyfriend/girlfriend and suddenly starts doing things they've never done before (like running off late at night), the two are almost always linked!

Houseworkavoider · 13/01/2019 01:05

I have no idea hwere he would have got it from though.
Maybe this new friend?
Changes in mood can be caused by drugs.
I’m glad he’s home safe. I’ve been through all of this with my Ds and it it so scary when you don’t know where they are! Flowers

tinstar · 13/01/2019 01:07

There as absolutely nothing wrong with giving a 16 year old authority to look after siblings.

Agreed. But I think the point the two (?) critical posters were making is that you shouldn't give a 16 year old adult responsibility when it suits you and then dole out punishment more suited to a child.

BBInGinDrinking · 13/01/2019 01:09

What a relief. Second good news ending of today. Sleep now, bridge building and enquiry tomorrow. Oh the many joys of parenthood. Teens are a whole new ballgame. Rest well, OP.

Missingstreetlife · 13/01/2019 01:09

He will go to a friend. Try not to worry. You can call police but they probably won't act for 24 hours. Back off now, don't give him more reaction. Reconsider if not back tomorrow

Missingstreetlife · 13/01/2019 01:10

Cross post, glad he's home.

HappyTheCroc · 13/01/2019 01:14

Glad he’s home but omg I’d murder him (not literally of course).

Stormy76 · 13/01/2019 01:24

Glad he is home, one time my youngest ran away and sat in some bushes.....he told me when he eventually came in like yours sheepish and cold....snivelling.......was reminded of Kevin and Perry where Kevin ran away to a bush in the garden lol.

Mummylife2018 · 13/01/2019 01:27

Christ. My parents threw me out at 16! I lived in a homeless hostel with barely any money to eat whilst they swanned off on holiday to Canada....

I wish they'd cared this much about me at that age 😢

IfNotNowBernard · 13/01/2019 01:29

you shouldn't give a 16 year old adult responsibility when it suits you and then dole out punishment more suited to a child.
I think that's a load of crap. How do you think teens learn responsibility?
They don't just get a free pass to act daft until 18, when they are handed a Welcome to Adulthood certificate and waved out the door. They should be expected to step up in small ways, and they also should have guidance and consequences.
I can't actually beleive anyone is using a thread started by a very worried mum to have a go at their parenting tbh.

Stormy76 · 13/01/2019 01:29

Mummylife2018 that’s horrendous.... I do not understand how they could do that !