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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

ds has run away.

135 replies

steppemum · 12/01/2019 23:25

ds is 16. He is pretty nice teen, in the middle of mocks now and working quite hard. He is a strong character, but respects the boundaries etc.

In other words, no issues really, other than normal teen moments.

We have had a row, it has been rumbling since Thursday evening, something happened between him and little sister and he doesn't think he is in anyway at fault depite admitted that he massively wound her up on purpose.

The internet was off on Friday night, because of this, and back on today, but the original argument has not been resolved. We were happy to let it go, but he came down and asked for an internet extension - it goes off at 10, and at the weekend remove that, but dh hadn't done it yet. The conversation started up again and he got really rude. Told dh he was talking bullshit, so dh said end of conversation, not having that.

5 minutes later ds went out through the garage took his bike and vanished.

I have been texting and phoning, and all I know is that he is on a train on his way somewhere, he won't say where.
He does get a train everyday to school, but it is a rural ish train from here to next town, and I don't think it is still running now.

What do I do?
Fundamentally he is sensible, and probably on the way to a school friends. He is also 6'3" so not actually afraid for he physical safety.

Dh says go to bed, he will come bakc tomorrow.

But despite being 16 he is not out partying or even out loads with friends at the weekend. they all live very dispersed and meet over x-box.

Just sitting here, wondering how dh can sleep, wondering what on earth I do.
I can't call police, he is just on a train, he is 16.
Sad

OP posts:
lljkk · 13/01/2019 00:31

I imagine taking a sleeping pill & leaving this problem to tomorrow... well, next daylight period, anyway.

chocatoo · 13/01/2019 00:31

I would keep trying to make contact and if you are no further in a couple of hours, phone the police.

ThisWayDown · 13/01/2019 00:31

FrenchSchnoodle makes a good point - the OP only has her DS’s word that he’s on the train.

I agree with giving him a time limit to get in touch by or you’ll contact the police.

Original poster
steppemum · 13/01/2019 00:31

I am pretty certain he got on a train.
All the people I have numbers for are either not within cycling distance, or they live too far away from the station.

Just to explain. We live in largish town A with large station, including fast trains to London and Bristol.
he goes to grammar school in small town B, which is 30 minutes away on the train.
Most of his friends live in the other small towns and villages between here and town B or further away on the other side of town B. They all get buses into school.

His closest friend is here in town A. He is not there.
The friends I have numbers for all live in the villages etc. None of those are accessible by bike, or by train. Only people who live actually in town B are accessible by train.

I think he could the last train to town B. So he could be staying with anyone there and I don't have any numbers for them. The are not his closest friends. His closest friends are out int he villages, and all need car access.

He does have a new friend from the train here in town A. He is very reticent about it, and we are just getting hints and suggestions, and I am pretty sure it is a girlfriend. They go into town together after school, and then make their way home. He has never been to her house. He won't tell me her name yet.
he will not have put anything on social media that his sister could see, as he knows she would tell me.

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 13/01/2019 00:31

I don't understand why you think you can't call the police. You have a missing 16yo who is vulnerable because he's upset. Ring 101. The police are unlikely to come out tonight but a description will be circulated and officers will keep an eye out for him when they're otw to other callouts, and they usually know where to look too. McDonalds is a starter as they're open all night, are full of kids and have wifi.

My ds was a repeated runaway from 15-17 and the police were extremely helpful. They advised me to 101 him every time he ran away, which I did. They did not attend every night he disappeared but did do a welfare check visit if he returned before they found him. If you don't know where he is and don't 100% know he's safe, call.

Stormy76 · 13/01/2019 00:34

Text and call leaving messages to tell him that if he doesn’t respond you are going to contact the police because you need to know if he is safe or not. If you don’t hear back in a hour, call the police and they will find him and bring him home. They will take it seriously and he will get a telling off. Both my boys have pulled this stunt with me, sometimes when they are taller people assume they are older and expect them to behave a certain way ...... but mums are the best judge, we know how immature they are. Get the police involved.

Greensleeves · 13/01/2019 00:34

Steppemum, honestly, call the police. There's no guarantee that whoever's house he pitches up at will actually be in, you don't know where he is planning on going. It's freezing out. At least they can give you advice.

Thinking of you and hoping the little sod he turns up soon Flowers

Original poster
steppemum · 13/01/2019 00:34

I have had a text from friends mum.
He has contacted friend, but says his battery is on 1% and can't talk. He didn't say where he was

OP posts:
Original poster
steppemum · 13/01/2019 00:35

He took his coat, his bank card lives in his phone casing.
he didn't take his railcard, or anythign else I don't think.

he may have taken clothes. or he may just have got dressed properly.

OP posts:
Tartyflette · 13/01/2019 00:35

Has he got any cash on him, or access to money? If he looks 18 he could get a room in a Travelodge or similar.
At least he’d be safe and warm there and they have vending machines for hot drinks and snacks.
Would you feel happy to suggest that to him by text (and ask him to let you know if he does that?)

IamFrauBlucher · 13/01/2019 00:36

If my DS's friend turned up at this time of night to stay the first thing I'd do is tell them they had to call home to say where they were, before I allowed them to stay.

I'm sure your DS's friends parents would be the same OP?

I agree with calling 101.

NC4Now · 13/01/2019 00:36

So effectively he could get the last train to town B, where not his closest friends live, and not be able to get home?
Yes, I’m those circs I’d call the cops. He’s vulnerable and could easily get out of his depth.
Give him an hour.

Alonglongway · 13/01/2019 00:36

Been through a bit of this with my kids. The big thing is to make them feel it’s not all so bad they can’t come back. Keep sending him friendly messages even if he’s not answering

NC4Now · 13/01/2019 00:37

Oh, just seen your update. Hopefully he’ll turn up at friends and his mum will help. Glad you’ve heard.

Stormy76 · 13/01/2019 00:37

If it is the first time it is likely the police will attend, they don’t know your son ....if he keeps doing it then like the pp said they recommend 101. I feel for you because I have been 8n this position and it’s horrible, it just shows how young he is to have left over such a trivial argument. It’s their age it just makes everything blow up for them and they lash out and do stupid things.

BBInGinDrinking · 13/01/2019 00:37

Good suggestions about asking others to check his social media, and letting him know that you will have to contact the police if he doesn't speak to you. I wouldn't worry about waking anyone up - I wouldn't mind being woken up by a genuinely worried mum.

I would tell him you love him, are sorry for the upset and misunderstandings, he is not in trouble and you just want him to come home. Tell him you will drive anywhere to pick him up or send a taxi. My priority tonight would just be to locate him and get him home.

Failing that, I would contact the police and British Transport Police, followed by the Missing People helpline. I know that this varies between families and individuals, but here a 16 year old is still a child. Your DS doesn't sound particularly streetwise either, OP.

Thinking of you and hoping for good news for you BrewFlowers

ChoccyJules · 13/01/2019 00:37

Apart from being out in the cold night he now has no phone. I think the police would see him as vulnerable. Call them, you will feel better.

ThisWayDown · 13/01/2019 00:40

Yes him having no phone battery does make him even more vulnerable. He’s clearly not planning to go to his best friend’s going by that message - he’s have said I’m on my way or sthg rather then “can’t talk”.

I’d call the police.

mirren3 · 13/01/2019 00:40

I do a job where I deal with kids who abscond regularly, please phone the police. That is what we do if they abscond or are late back. The Police will use a traffic light system to decide how at risk he is, and know how to search, trace phones etc. They are trained to look for people in this situation.
Hoping he turns up soon.

Tartyflette · 13/01/2019 00:41

You could also text him to say he can get a taxi home if he needs to (and worry about the cost later)

BBInGinDrinking · 13/01/2019 00:42

DH should be out looking for him, not sleeping.

ThisWayDown · 13/01/2019 00:42

Sending a OP Flowers

NC4Now · 13/01/2019 00:43

Social media: can you post a message on Facebook and tag him in it, so his friends see and share it? Or post it to a local page? With his pic.

Original poster
steppemum · 13/01/2019 00:44

He just arrived home.

A little sheepish and very cold, and something else that I can't put my finger on.

He's gone straight to bed

OP posts:
Tartyflette · 13/01/2019 00:45

That’s great. So pleased he’s home safe.