How do you deal with soap dodger?

[NothingOnTellyAgain]

My eldest has become a soap dodger since the whole puberty thing happened. Just went in and said "you've got a party later you need to have a wash" "no" "your hair needs a wash and your armpits smell" "no" and a glare...

I don't want to create a complex but it's not good. I knos this is common! How did you deal with it?

No wash no party?

Oh wow you're tough!

I hadn't even thougth of that.

I dont' think I could!

I mean we've bought a present and everything!

So I suppose what that means is that I think the answer would be OK no party and where does that leave us.

Then she doesn't go to the party! Seriously, you're the parent, start being tougher. Basic hygiene is not optional.

So just go and say you're not allowed to go to the party?

That's really not how I have done things. She is generally very good. Apart from this one thing where I think she is a bit sensitive.

She'll just say no I'm not going and then she won't go and then who has achieved anything? I don't think she'll see it as a "punishment" - she's happy reading (and not washing).

You could suggest that you'll join in and also stink?

Why would that bother her?

Also, I'm not going to follow through! I wouldn't make an idle threat.

This is new on us - she hit started puberty at 8 and got her periods before year 6, so she's still quite young really.

the otehr ones seems to be gettign started as well she's also only 8

Tell her that she smells.

Tell her that. Solutely nothing happens until she has had a shower- no meals, no lifts, no pocket money.

She is happy staying in her room and reading though so she will say fine, then I have to follow through and she spends until the new term indoors. She would be able to sneak cereal when I was working.

I really dont' think that will have the desired effect.

Are there are other approaches that might work.

My two have asd & sensory issues but I too am very firm. Shower/hair washing & deodorant are non negotiable. They don’t go anywhere until they are done & no acces to books/electronic devices etc until they do. If they refuse I threatened to treat them like toddlers again & physically stand over/wash them.

I have told her that she smells!

I'll go and tell her she smells and she can't go to a party if she smells because it's revolting.

I used shame and ridicule. My boys ignored me. Then one day they noticed a mate stank and couldn’t bear to be like him. Worked like magic! This phase doesn’t last long. This too shall pass. Can’t be as bad as my mates teen who didn’t just not wash, but wouldn’t change his clothes and slept in them and his shoes!. An interest in girls got him in the shower.

Looking like a full house all saying the same though!

You have to get tough. No wash then no going out.

Take her books if she likes to read.

Turn off the WiFi.

You are the adult. This isn't the worst battle you will face.

You’ve asked advice & several of us have given the same answer.

No wash, no party!

You are stopping her from getting bullied and long term issues.

Just put your foot down.

It’s sooo normal. DS is 16 and only now does he shower semi-regularly.

I don’t know if you can force the issue. I didn’t too much. But I had moments where I’d put my foot down and just declare, “Dude! You honk! Shower. Now.” But the ego is so fragile at your DD’s age.

I wonder if something like a Body Shop strawberry bath/shower set might encourage her. Something that might make getting underneath the water a bit more enticing than the actual Silkwood shower they really need.

I have to say things improved with Ds when we got a proper power shower fitted rather than the unpredictable hard to operate one we had before. He’s 13 now & we struggle to get him out of the shower these days.

Dd (16) still has to be reminded sometimes.

I told my son he had to shower before leaving the house.. new rule. NO choice , like washing hands before a meal or covering your mouth when you cough.

I viewed it as a health need ..just something he now has to do because he has body odour .

He wa reluctant at first but accepted now and he just does it . Not sure he actually uses soap sometimes though

Being clean is non-negotiable. Make it happen every single day first thing in the morning. It just has to be part of her routine. Don't let anything happen until it does. No books no breakfast no nothing.

Yes no shower, no nothing

Ive a 16 year boy and we had a tense year when he dodged showers, hair washing and teeth brushing

He had to shower in the morning or no WiFi, lifts, cash ect
B.O affects us so if you want me to kind, be clean

So I went up and gave her a flannel and said she has to have a wash and put fresh deoderant on because she smells and you can't go to a party smelling as it's horrible for the others.

She "I don't want to go".

We get this all the time, she just wants to stay in her room reading + drawing, she's like I was very insular and quiet and bookish.

Tell her it’s not negotiable. Either she showers or you remove all her books.

It’s the only way.

Take the books and drawing away