How do you deal with soap dodger?

[NothingOnTellyAgain]

My eldest has become a soap dodger since the whole puberty thing happened. Just went in and said "you've got a party later you need to have a wash" "no" "your hair needs a wash and your armpits smell" "no" and a glare...

I don't want to create a complex but it's not good. I knos this is common! How did you deal with it?

Get a Bluetooth speaker that she can take into the bathroom. She can the listen to music, audiobooks or podcasts.

ILive she has one of those and does have a good soak while listening to music! Once she's in you can't get her out...

I think once it's fixed I'm going to instigate shower every day either morning or evening up to her but must be done.

Thanks all

Baths only? I wouldn't want to use one of those, either. I only use baths as a pleasurable thing, after cleaning myself in a shower, and certainly can't see how that works if you're on your period. Yuk! No wonder she's dodging soap. When our shower was broken we went to the gym and got someone in to fix it asap.

Erm it only broke before we went on hols and we've got the part to fix it, need to book the plumber (they are a nightmare to get hold of round here).

It's not like a mega ongoing thing or anything!

She doesn't seem to like showers anyway, perfectly functional facilities on hols and she wanted baths not showers.

I think yhis is a red herring.

When our shower was broken, we used a bucket and a plastic measuring jug.

Sounds chilly

Agree about getting wireless waterproof speakers

need to book the plumber (they are a nightmare to get hold of round here)

So you haven't even rang a plumber yet?

Words fail!

Just ring for a plumber to fix your bathroom. You can't be complaining about your Dd not washing and then tell us that your bathroom is broken anyway and only produces boiling water (dangerous).
Just get the bathroom fixed fgs!

You tell your 11 year old that you are her parent, and until she does what you want her to do, you refuse to do anything for her. Simple! This may seem harsh but believe me, this works! When she needs her laundry doing, her dinner cooked she will soon realise that she should listen to you!

Or

I also once removed all rules. This was so so hard. DD had no bedtime, no do's and don'ts. The only thing I did was give her one wake up call in the morning, washed clothes and put her meals on the table at the usual time!
If she was late for school, she would have to tell them why. If she didn't eat the meal at the time then breakfast cereal would be soggy, dinners would go cold. Not my problem!
She could stay awake until 2am if she wanted, but if she was too tired at school, it wasn't my problem!
2 days this lasted, until she begged for my rules back. I said no to her. For the next week she followed the rules I usually had in place, she realised my rules were not to make her life boring, but to make her lufe better! She became a dream!

If you think you couldn't and you might hurt her feelings...

Many years ago, when I worked on the teenage cancer unit I watched awestruck as my consultant told a stroppy teen with terminal cancer that he needed to get out of bed and have a watch because 'You stink, it's disgusting, you're upsetting the nurses'

He sloped off and had a shower. We all watched her open-jawed with amazement how she had got this chap out of bed, where he had sat stinking for days, when his parents, the lovely nurses and a team of psychologists had failed. We'd all been skirting about being nicey nicey and trying not to upset him. The patient loved her.

If a teen in those circumstances can be made to wash, so can yours.

You haven't got a teenager yet you've posted here. She's 11. And some of these responses are just ridiculous

I have an 11 year old boy. He'd happily not bother for a good few days I'm sure. We compromise a bit ... I let him pop his iPad on the shelf opposite the bath - so he is happy to skip off and wash as he can watch something as he's doing it. I provide nice shower and soap stuff (child's farm as they smell nice ) and I still march in and wash the shampoo out of his hair as he struggles a bit. I always say 'bits and pits!' and this makes him laugh

I insist on a bath or shower every day and it's just second nature now - BUT he wouldn't do it if I didn't say anything

My now 20 year old DD was exactly the same at his age. It's normal stuff

I wouldn't go all guns blazing. I'd maybe try just baths, she can take her book in with her, and maybe get her a shower foam type thing to use. Bit more interesting

And LOL at some of these later posts

OP - honestly you'll get some really strange replies you know. A lot of these posters are just mad. 11 year olds do not give a toss about washing so it's about encouraging as you present this as a non negotiable.

When I was 14 I had my first Saturday job and on the second day I worked my manager took me aside and told me I had BO and I needed to sort it out. I was mortified and furious with my mum for not telling me - she said she'd noticed but didn't want to upset me. OP, if you can smell your DD so can everyone else - you are doing her a kindness by sorting it out with her. Stand firm!

We have rung pkumbers! And contacted online. Most haven't rung back and the others aren't interested as it looks a bit tricky to get under the bath

That's another issue entirely though.

Ew its not normal! Gross...

Cherry - yes she is only 11 - it felt like a "teen problem" - she's been through puberty some time now, looks like a teen, and is behaving like a teen! Agree she is still young though. I think that puberty coming earlier and earlier is a lot for them to deal with. She's not evenat secondary yet but has breasts, armpit hair, periods etc. I think it is easier if it happens later TBH. Anyway that's also a different ocnversation.

In the end she did have a bath and went to the party and said she enjoyed it and was glad she went so that's all good.

Perhaps this time if you run the bath, sit out nice fluffy towels, clean clothes, comb, hairdryer etc. and let her take her books in it’ll seem like a lot less effort and more relaxing.

I've told her I'm going to make a rule about frequency later,

She can decide morning / evening / bath / shower but it needs to be once a day.

She shrugged and hid her face under her hair as she is prone to doing these days.

Thanks for the advice evryone.

Cherry - yes she is only 11 - it felt like a "teen problem" I’d maybe post in the Preteen Section next time OP.

Is she in Yr6 still? My soap dodging DS started to be much more thorough with his hygiene once he started high school and realised that smelling was seriously not cool.

Agree with the pp who mentioned Lush. My DD is the same age, not girly but loves their stuff. If you ever go in to one of their shops, it’s usually rammed with pre-teens.

Has she got any decent books on looking after herself? My DD liked The Care and Keeping of You 2.

I think you really need to get the shower fixed. Until it is, is there somewhere else she can shower like a DGPs or the Gym?

She's starting yr 7 in sept. Got her periods at just turned 10 and is taller than me! Breasts etc. I took it as a phase of life (she started puberty at 8) rather than a strictly numerical idea so will post elsewhere in future.

Sorry about that.

I got her care and keeping of you 1!

Will see about the other one. Thnaks.

I mean I got her that ages ago. Time for the next one.

I take DD2s phone off her until she has a wash. Told her today I was not going out with her until she brushed her hair. I’ve been blunt and told her she smells, her hair is greasy etc. We have to shout and tell her about 5 times to get in the shower. She just doesn’t care about her appearance.

I haven't read the while thread but have you considered the possibility that she doesn't want to go to the party and this is a handy way for her to get out of it? Maybe she is having friendship issues?