AIBU ? Aunt gave my 15 year old daughter a cocktail !!

[Jamontoast123]

Ok, will keep this short . DD out for the day with aunt (husbands sis) who she loves. Generally all good .
Comes back after good day out and says DD had a Pina-Colada

I said this was not Ok - (introducing alcohol on special occasions in the form of small quantities is ok ) but that’s for me to decide isn’t it ?
I feel it’s given DD to have a drink with friends . If aunty says it’s ok then it’s ok ?There are reasons why drinking as a teen is harmful .
The brain is rewiring 🤷🏻‍♀️ . Simple fact alcohol effects the developing brain .
So AIBU ?

How is a pina colada equivalent to 2 glasses of wine?

I was getting completely hammered by 15 but that was not a good thing.

I don't really buy the teaching kids to drink responsibly theory. The research shows the less alcohol given to kids and the longer waited to give it to them, the better.

As you said, no harm done. A quiet word with aunt to ask for no repeats is all that is needed.

It is only equivalent to 2 glasses of wine if made at home with lots of alcohol.
In ordinary commercial places cocktails are a good choice for a 15 year old as they make them feel grown up, but there is not that much alcohol content.

I was sympathetic to your post unti lread that you let her have a drink.
If it had been the first one ever without your knowledge then I could see your point, but not necessarily. Agree with it.

As someone said I guess the aunty has said something like would your mind?

I wouldnt have an issue with this.

However as you do, id advise the following:

Quick word with sil saying whilst you let dd drink occassionally, you'd prefer any alcohol consumption is run by you first.

I wouldnt go in angry etc with sil, especially as dd and her have a good relationship (and im assuming you and sil do too)

Its not worth falling out over.

Thank god it wasn’t Mad dog 20/20 and white lightening!!! Like in my youth

My Grandpa used to give me Cinzano and lemonade when I was 11.

What can I say? It was the 70s?😆

They got stronger as I got older. It was our secret.

Alcohol in moderation with a responsible adult helps to build a rational and sensible attitude to alcohol in later life imho.

Far better to have one drink with her aunt than neck a bottle of vodka down the park with the local troublemakers.

Oh chill ffs

I was getting hammered at aged 15 with my mates unbeknown to my parents.

Big deal she had a pina colada.

I see the forbidden fruit myth is out in force.
Op I'd not be impressed.

You let her have alcohol though. This isn't the first drink she's ever had and you're happy to let her have a small amount of alcohol in situations where family are around. How is this different?

If you didn't want your DD to drink unless in your company (bit weird, sort of defeats the point of trying not to make it a big deal) you should have made that clear to her. At the moment there are boundaries but they only seem to exist in your head and haven't been communicated to anyone.

Many of us have witnessed or dine tne forbidden fruit thing ourselves.

At the very least, if parents forbid alcohol, the alcohol that is consumed (and it really will be: I see this amongst the most diligent and well behaved teens) will be in secret and they will lie about it.

My teens talk to me openly about the modest alcohol they drink and have made it through the ore Uni years without once coming home legless or being sick.

I wouldnt get het up about it. I assume you trust your SIL not to let it go too far?

I was drinking at her age. I'm now 35 and have alchohol about 4 times a year. I hardly ever drink and never drink to the stage I'm falling down drunk.

I expect they stay out when they're in that state Scrub

Unless you have been drinking yourself you will know if your teen has so no hope of concealment - bit like smokers never realise they reek like dirty ashtrays.

Thank you ALL for your comments !
All comments taken on board x
I have taken a bit of info from all of you x
Yes aunt and dd relationship very important .
There does need to be a clear message though that any time and any place is not ok.
I understand that having older cousins and friends who drink will be an influence and better in a safe environment than not.
BUT nor should it be encouraged .
Her time to make that decision is approaching . But it’s not her time as yet at least not without guidance .

Unfortunately when I did speak to my SIL she initially said it was no big deal.
I felt it was my place to introduce alcohol
She DID however say sorry after and we are getting along fine .

What I have learnt however from this thread is ..... perhaps to back off SLIGHTLY but simply say another time to please ask me first.

What can I say? It was the 70s? Exactly. I remember one Christmas a friends parents put a bottle of advocaat in the middle of the kitchen table, we were all supping neat shots of it.

Sounds like your dd has an absolutely brilliant aunt! Mine are 23 and 20. Seriously I wouldn't have had a problem but I think dc need to be brought up alongside sensible drinking and there is nothing wrong with a cocktail at 15 with a relative. Far less wrong than drinking cider etc in the park in secret.

When ds finished O'Levels the lads cme round for pizza and dh toddled off and got them some Coronas. None of the parents had an issue with it. Some had an issue with the Malia trip which was at 18.

Oh yes and I've remembered sheesha pipes on the beach on the Isle of Wight at 16 and Reading at 17. The ones who went wild at uni were the ones who had never been let of the leash.

But you've already introduced alcohol to her. Your DD accepted the drink knowing that her mum is fine with her drinking.
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If anyone offered me alcohol at 15 I would have said no, because my parents didn't like me drinking.
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You're overreacting!

It could have been non alcoholic.

Tell aunt that you don't want her to buy her alcohol in the future.

Wouldn't be a big deal in my house.

No, it was an alcoholic cocktail for the Record

I wouldn’t have been bothered tbh. 15 yr olds do a lot worse than drink a creamy cocktail with a relative.,

At least aunty told you.
Be careful of being labelled a “ strict mum”
It’s quite common for teens to be offered a drink in friends houses, the idea being that better to drink safely under adult supervision than to go do it covertly down the park!
My teen daughter’s experience is that “ strict parents” don’t get to find out that their child has been offered alcohol ( we’re not talking drunkenness, just the odd drink like your dd had)
Not saying this is right but it’s what happens !

That’s the truth x
Her aunty DID Tel me , I agree now no big deal ......still wish I had been asked if it was ok first .

But also know it was probably spontaneous . And what is done is fine .
God it’s hard to get parenting right .

Now and then is ok I guess .

Curious .... question for you
Alcohol for under the legal age
ONLY now and then surely !?
Don’t you agree ?

I can’t change it to anytime with the family .

Here is the law OP news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6598867.stm

If your DD was 16 or 17 an adult could legally buy her a drink with a meal

So it’s illegal to buy a child of 15 a spirit infact anyone under 17 can’t have a spirit in a pub !
Wine and cider is however ok for 16 to 17 year olds .
Well they were in a restaraunt so guessing the same rule applies.
Bet my sis didn’t know .... nor did I .
But the waiter should have 🤷🏽‍♀️.
Sister off the hook and let’s blame the waiter . And so the family at peace 🧘🏽‍♀️