AIBU ? Aunt gave my 15 year old daughter a cocktail !!

[Jamontoast123]

Ok, will keep this short . DD out for the day with aunt (husbands sis) who she loves. Generally all good .
Comes back after good day out and says DD had a Pina-Colada

I said this was not Ok - (introducing alcohol on special occasions in the form of small quantities is ok ) but that’s for me to decide isn’t it ?
I feel it’s given DD to have a drink with friends . If aunty says it’s ok then it’s ok ?There are reasons why drinking as a teen is harmful .
The brain is rewiring 🤷🏻‍♀️ . Simple fact alcohol effects the developing brain .
So AIBU ?

no just a general google out of curiosity —Not anger.
I really am not angry (anymore).

Yes I know my daughter has had a drink before . She has been honest with me .

Thank you all for your opinions.

I can see the opinions that are valuable advise and also reassuring.

Overall no harm done .
Teenage years are delicate years that need guidance without being overbearing but understanding where the boundaries lie for their own good .
Sis in law meant no harm.
Dd loves her and that to me is good and valuable.

• but a cocktail perhaps just not a wise choice.

What is your problem op? You let her drink occasionally. You put her aunt In charge of her and she did the same. It's a cocktail not a platter of crack. And I say that as somebody who is generally on the Puritan side re alcohol. She's 15 not 10.
Are you a bit jealous because she had a good time with her aunt? Seems like there is more to this.

I actually think a cocktail was a pretty good choice - they are so expensive she can't possibly go to ruin on them.

It's the Lambrini in the park with friends (some known better then others) that you need to worry about.

I agree with the whole “It’s a Pina Colada, not a line of coke” argument but I would NEVER EVER give somebody else’s child alcohol without permission.

Not my place and there could be medical or other issues. My own DC for example has been self-medicating. We’re working on it but it’s nobody else’s place to make that decision. My best friend’s son has medical issues that could be exacerbated with alcohol.

YANBU
Would have been the ideal opportunity to give her the cocktail without the alcohol - still tastes good and looks like the real thing and the 15 year old learns a useful workaround when everyone else is pressuring them to drink more than they are comfortable with.

Cocktails are one of the worst things to use to introduce alcohol with. Teens won't taste the alcohol and the effects can be amplified if they slug it through an umbrella straw. If home made there is no easy way to tell how strong it is - punch at a teen boy frat party anyone?

Fair play, OP, for taking the response on board.

Yes, Aunt should have checked, but she might have said to your Dd ‘is your Mum OK with this?’ And as you say you do let her have small amounts sometimes, your Dd might reasonably have said ‘yes’.

It’s a really tricky age because they will now be going to teen parties where drink is on offer. Friends will be drinking under the careful eye if parents...and some on fake Id from the dodgy offie.

Keep talking to her, tell her that if she does drink to drink slowly in small quantities because it takes a while to take effect so it is important not to suddenly find you have overdone it.

"Btw -those saying not a big deal, early introduction to alcohol (specifically under 14) is linked to problematic use later in life."

Is that just a correlation or a cause? It could be that the under 14s who are drinking (OP's daughter is 15 anyway) have some other problems that then lead to alcohol problems.

"IME cocktails in commercial places often don't have that much alcohol anyway, unless you go to a decent high end place. "

That's my impression as well. Cocktails in this country are a complete waste of money.

Treat it as a good opportunity to talk about cocktails and how shop pub bought ones will be lower alcohol (discuss units) but home made ones will be anything units and contents wise.

Education is power. She needs to know how to make informed decisions. You can support her with this in a factual way.

"If home made there is no easy way to tell how strong it is - punch at a teen boy frat party anyone?"

Home-made punch is COMPLETELY different story to the weak cocktails you generally get in this country.

Haha calm down

I was drinking from a much younger age so o wouldn't care at all.

I also think that the aunt couldn't have called you to ask permission without making your daughter feel like her aunt didn't trust her when she said it would be ok with you. The relationship they have at this age is so much more important than one drink.

In our area, near London, most of the kids are drinking at parties by age 15, and virtually all of them by age 16. I was surprised and far from pleased by this, but it is completely commonplace around here.

My DDs aunt gave her an adult wristband at our all inclusive hotel last year, she was 16. I wasn't too happy about that! Wondered why she suddenly kept hugging me and telling me she loved me when she normally just grunts in my direction!

I’m inclined to side with the aunt. She treated the 15 year old as an adult, which means she’s more likely to behave like one. Allowing one drink, in civilised surroundings with family, models a sensible approach to drink, rather than demonising it and making it a sinful and attractive thing to go overboard with at a dodgy party.
I gave my own kids a tiny drip of Pimms (barely enough to colour their lemonade!) when they were about 12, and very dilute shandy as young teens. I also warned them about the results of alcohol abuse that I saw regularly at my hospital, and encouraged moderation. They’re now in their late twenties. One is teetotal, the other likes to go out for drinks with friends at weekends. Neither has a problem.
We are raising our kids in a society and culture that is saturated in alcohol - they will encounter it whether you like it or not, and I think it’s wise to give them some sensible guidelines and a (family controlled) introduction to it.

Gwen that's exactly my point. Aunt makes a weak cocktail and teen is fine so when she goes to her first unsupervised teen party her "safe" option is the punch (unless she is educated otherwise).

Then talk to her about punch at parties. This isnt a difficult issue.

Hmm, if you have already let your DD have a drink on social occasions then you have blurred the boundaries for your DD and her aunt.

DD: Can I have a cocktail?
Aunt: Does your mum let you?
DD: Yes

Or Aunt: Do you want a pina colada? (thinking, I've seen her mum let her have drinks so it must be OK)
DD: Yes

Crikey. It’s only a cocktail!

" Aunt makes a weak cocktail and teen is fine so when she goes to her first unsupervised teen party her "safe" option is the punch"

A punch is not the same as a cocktail and I think that would be obvious even to a 15 year old.

It's the Lambrini in the park with friends (some known better then others) that you need to worry about.

Perfectly put!

This would be a non issue for me

There are cocktails and cocktails just the same as there is teen party punch and great aunt's BBQ punch (used to make the thimbleful of cooking sherry go further).

I must live in a different area from the rest of MN. Lambrini in the park with friends is not an option as it results in a home visit from the police. The major risk is unsupervised drinks round at friends' houses.