AIBU ? Aunt gave my 15 year old daughter a cocktail !!

[Jamontoast123]

Ok, will keep this short . DD out for the day with aunt (husbands sis) who she loves. Generally all good .
Comes back after good day out and says DD had a Pina-Colada

I said this was not Ok - (introducing alcohol on special occasions in the form of small quantities is ok ) but that’s for me to decide isn’t it ?
I feel it’s given DD to have a drink with friends . If aunty says it’s ok then it’s ok ?There are reasons why drinking as a teen is harmful .
The brain is rewiring 🤷🏻‍♀️ . Simple fact alcohol effects the developing brain .
So AIBU ?

She will remember it fondly when older. The cheeky cocktail with auntie. Your DD is 15 so I think a one off here and there demonstrating sensible drinking is positive. Because she’s 15 she needs to be monitoring her own drinking and making her own decisions around what’s appropriate. She should already be aware of factual health information around alcohol through yourself or school. If your DD was young I would have a completely different take on this but 15 is old enough to make responsible decisions while having some knowledge of consequences.

At 15... I'm going to throw out there that this isn't the first alcoholic drink your daughter has had... but seeing as it was with auntie she probably felt she could let you know about this one... I say chill out.

We've been relaxed about alcohol since our kids were 14 but although we have a stocked cabinet for guests our household is pretty much teetotal. They both barely drink now.

I really would chill out. I genuinely don't think your authority was mocked.

How great that your family is close enough for days out like this as she grows into a young lady - don't risk spoiling that.

She's better having one pina with a trusted aunt on a civilised family day out than a bottle of barcadi down the park with a crowd of teenagers....

Meh. I probably wouldn’t for fear of upsetting parent but I drank with friends and family in moderation as a teen and never went OTT because it was just a normal thing. No forbidden excitement!

If you permit alcohol, then it is likely she will drink elsewhere too (see example of potential convo given by PP)

Perhaps you need to pause and work out exactly what you want the alcohol policy to be for the next few years? Whatever you decide, I think the single most important thing is to keep talking to teens.

Not least because very soon she'll be able to buy alcohol for herself.

queen congratulations, you won at playing chicken with life.

Maybe it was part of your SIL building a nice relationship with her niece? Go out, spend time together, let her have a treat?

She's 15, she could've said no.
Be glad your daughter told you.

Attitudes like yours could mean she's more likely to drink thunderbird and pink lady I know, I'm old school down the park/graveyard.

I'm much more relaxed when it comes to alcohol and I do believe that because it's ok to have one or two (decent drinks) at home they don't want to sit shivering and sharing a bottle.

If they're going to be drunk and vulnerable then they'll be drunk and venerable at home.

Agree Aunty that did can confide in is great !
Pinacolada DID have alcohol

Googled out of curiosity how much alcohol in a Pinacolada - can be equivalent to 2 glasses of wine .

I am not crazy with anger -
I know the intention was not to harm.
Just felt let down

I wouldn't have a problem with that. I used to have a sherry when visiting my aunty. I was a lot younger than your daughter too. No harm done.

I would not have a problem with this. This is what a favourite aunt is for.

*I'd say it'd have one shot of rum at the most.

Thank you ! Wise words

No, I just did the same things all teenagers my age were doing. None of us grew up to have alcohol problems. Teenagers drink, usually well before 18, and they go out.

One drink under the supervision of a trusted non-parental adult sounds like an ideal introduction to alcohol. And if it actually is her first ever drink, she's relatively unusual.

Don’t know which google you are using OP - one to suit your anger. I’ve just googled and the first two results said the average pina colada contains 1- 2 units therefore the equivalent of a small glass of wine.

I can think of a fair few adults who I remember drinking with at 14 who have problems with alcohol now.

I let her have some now and then

Scenario 1.
Aunt to your DD: "Are you allowed alcohol?"
DD: "Yes, mum has let me have some a few times"
Aunt: "OK then, what do you want?"

Scenario 2.
DD: "Can I have a pina colada?"
Aunt: "No, you're not old enough"
DD: "Pleeeeease...!"
Aunt: "I don't think so - you'd better not"
DD: "It's ok - mum lets me drink sometime, it's all right"
Aunt: "Are you sure?"
DD: "Yeah, it's fine"
Aunt: "Oh all right then, just this once"

I can think of many adults I drank with when we were 14 who don't have problems with alcohol. Anecdata is like that.

She should've asked you first. Not her call to make.

I would not have a problem with this. This is what a favourite aunt is for

I completely agree with this.

I remember being 15 and with my auntie. And, boy, was I a staid and boring teenager! My older cousin took me to a party. I thought I was incredibly grown up and I got absolutely blotto on Bacardi and coke. I still can't touch the stuff decades on. But that was a valuable lesson, learned in a safe environment, with people around who looked after me and wouldn't take advantage.

If she's learning about alcohol in a protected environment, that's a good life lesson in my book. It's great for her to have that sort of relationship with another adult and I wouldn't do anything to damage that over something like this.

Sorry, but I think you are completely over reacting. She is 15 and you let her drink, she had one drink in a safe place with a safe adult. Get a grip.

I wouldn’t mind but that’s not the point. She should probably have run it by you first.

FWIW I went to stay with my aunt in the states when I was 15 and she was constantly trying to buy me drinks, even in Vegas 😄 I didn’t mind other than the fact it was mortifying as I was so clearly not 21 and they’re so strict there 😄

Agree with sporadic. Mixed messages. You are either ok with occasional under age drinking or not.

no big deal. Not even illegal in this country in a private home

IME cocktails in commercial places often don't have that much alcohol anyway, unless you go to a decent high end place. Over reaction OP.

I'm another person that wouldn't be impressed by this either. Some people are saying you're overreacting, but imo your daughter, your call, not the auntie's.

When my daughter had just turned 16, she went on holiday with her dad. When she returned home she told me how impressed her dad was with how well she could handle her shots. I wasn't impressed. Wine with dinner, fine. Lots of shots, not very responsible imo.