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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

AIBU ? Aunt gave my 15 year old daughter a cocktail !!

106 replies

Jamontoast123 · 29/07/2018 09:03

Ok, will keep this short . DD out for the day with aunt (husbands sis) who she loves. Generally all good .
Comes back after good day out and says DD had a Pina-Colada

I said this was not Ok - (introducing alcohol on special occasions in the form of small quantities is ok ) but that’s for me to decide isn’t it ?
I feel it’s given DD to have a drink with friends . If aunty says it’s ok then it’s ok ?There are reasons why drinking as a teen is harmful .
The brain is rewiring 🤷🏻‍♀️ . Simple fact alcohol effects the developing brain .
So AIBU ?

OP posts:
Macarena1990 · 29/07/2018 09:07

I really wouldn't lose any sleep over it. It's a one off.

My parents were very relaxed about alcohol when I was a teen and I was allowed to drink anything from their cabinet as long as I asked. I am practically tee total now.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/07/2018 09:16

It's a pina colada .... she wasn't snorting coke off a loo seat with her aunt. I think you need to chill!

Timeforabiscuit · 29/07/2018 09:17

Definately check with the aunt whether it was a no alcohol one, and read the riot act if not.

It is your call as a parent about introducing alcohol, if she had asked beforehand you could have made the call - but she didnt give you that opportunity.

In the big scheme of things, i dont think its terrible, its not buying a bottle of vodka to share with her friends down the park bad, but its overstepping boundaries and 15 is young.

Making it a big deal in front of your daughter will probably be counter productive, but would be a good time to introduce some expectations about substance useand have some open conversations about it more generally - your dd should be able to say no, or learn how to socially manage these kinds of situations (if she was offered a third and fourth drink, how would she handle that).

Its not nice having your trust rocked,

blaaake · 29/07/2018 09:18

Get a grip. Attitudes like yours produce teenagers who binge drink at the first opportunity.

MeanTangerine · 29/07/2018 09:18

Cocktail singular? I wouldn't worry.

Oblomov18 · 29/07/2018 09:18

A pina colada is minimal. I think you are over reacting. But I get that the first introduction should be done by the parent, of course.

squashyhat · 29/07/2018 09:19

Jesus I was sneaking into pubs when I was 15. Chill

LockedOutOfMN · 29/07/2018 09:19

Your daughter could have refused? I'd say the most important thing to teach your daughter is to say no if she doesn't want alcohol, cigarettes, etc.

RedLemonade · 29/07/2018 09:20

I disagree with PPs. Not cool. Aunt should have discussed it with you first. I’d have a chat with the aunt- not a catsbum-face chat but a calm “I just want to lay the ground rules for alcohol for DD” chat.

Elmo230885 · 29/07/2018 09:20

She's your Daughter so, yes, ultimately your choice
I personally couldn't get worked up about this, its one drink
Growing up we always had a fairly relaxed view on alcohol, always had a try of what my parents had, alcohol was never locked away and was never a mystery
Have a quick word with DD and Auntie, I doubt they will do it again

On another note are you def sure it was alcohol, I only ask as I went to a local summer event yesterday and one of the slushes on the machine was pina colada flavour (it was very nice actually, as was the Caribbean cruise flavour)

AuntieStella · 29/07/2018 09:20

One drink isn't going to wreck her brain development. You need to talk to DH's sis (or have DH do it, depending on family dynamics) and ask her to desist from offering alcohol in the future.

And you can use this as an opportunity to continue the conversation with your DD about sensible drinking.

Cleaningthefours · 29/07/2018 09:22

Huge overreaction.

OutingMyDog · 29/07/2018 09:22

As someone who had serious alcohol problems as a teen, I would never in a million years encourage my DD to drink at 15. I would be severely pissed off.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/07/2018 09:22

She shouldn’t have done it, but you are over reacting. It was one drink at aged 15, not 5.

Ohyesiam · 29/07/2018 09:22

I think this is probably what aunties are for.
Aunty can be the edgy one that dd loves and trusts. It gives her an extra adult to talk to if she ever has anything to talk about that is just too embarrassing for her to talk to you.

If dd had come home drunk I’d see your point, but one drink for her is symbolic of adulthood.

I’m not a drinker, and don’t go to pubs , so I’m not biased in that way.

Seniorschoolmum · 29/07/2018 09:23

Agree with Macarena. If it’s a one-off, I’d just ask the aunt not to do it again until dd’s 18 and leave it at that.
Yes, it’s your call but not a hanging offence.

PandaG · 29/07/2018 09:23

At 15 my kids had a drink with us, on the odd occasion, but we expected them to check with us if it was ok. Dd's friend was staying over on Friday night, she will be 17 in a month, and I knew she had had a glass of wine at post prom party. I asked friend if her mum let her drink, and if she would like a can of cider. Friend said her mum would be fine with that. I don't think I overstepped the mark - I told her to check with her mum if she needed to.

MrsJayy · 29/07/2018 09:23

I would say to your Sil don't give her alcohol she is 15 then leave it. Btw your attitude is fine I don't know why posters insist you chill 😕

Original poster
Jamontoast123 · 29/07/2018 09:23

Fair reply,
But not really a one off . Confused
I let her have some now and then . But don’t think it’s another parents right to offer.
Other friends do the same not just sis in law to be fair.

OP posts:
PattiStanger · 29/07/2018 09:24

It's not for the aunt to discuss with the parent, she doesn't get to have a say imo. Personally it wouldn't be a huge deal for me but if it is for the OP she's entitled to be cross.

Harrykanesrightsock · 29/07/2018 09:24

Be very careful you’re not making alcohol the forbidden fruit, and also if you kick off to your SIL you will have damaged any trust your daughter has with you and you may find her keeping secretes. At 15 she will be more exposed to situations where alchohol is around, you need to be able to teach her to self modirate, not go off on one at her. I would have shrugged this one off but have a quiet work with your SIL to not do it again.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 29/07/2018 09:24

Christ alive, chill out. My siblings introduced me to beer at 13 with my parents' knowledge and consent. At 14 we were buying cheap horrible booze and drinking it in parks. At 15 we were frequenting dodgy clubs. I was really a very boring teenager and have turned into an equally boring and normal adult who drinks very little, but I'd had a hell of a lot more than one drink at 15.

It was one drink supervised by an adult. It's arguably better for your daughter to try alcohol in small quantities occasionally before she turns 18, and I hate to tell you but she'll almost certainly be acquiring alcohol herself well before then.

Timeforabiscuit · 29/07/2018 09:25

Btw -those saying not a big deal, early introduction to alcohol (specifically under 14) is linked to problematic use later in life.

Alcohol gives you a buzz, its habit forming, and if your brain twigs that this is a good way of handling stress than you will get a life time of problems from it.

A one off where everything else is going well for the kid, then probably no big deal - but if the kid was difficulties (bullying, parental seperation, bereavement, school problems, health problems) introoducing alcohol wouldnt be a good idea -the parent is i a better position to know this than the aunt, which is why its a parents call.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/07/2018 09:26

You let her have alcohol. She’s her aunt. She probably said to dd “does your mum let you have a drink?”

To which dd answered truthfully “No, she doesn’t mind”

SmileSweetly · 29/07/2018 09:29

Not a big deal, one cocktail, with her aunt....,you need to chill.

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