Are all teenagers horrible?

[Gekkoforprimeminister]

All I seem to hear about teens is how awful, difficult and unlikable they are. Ds is only six and so loving and happy. Is it inevitable that he will become a complete horror? Or is there some hope, are some teens actually ok?

Mine are kind and lovely much better than when they were 6!

Oh yes feedthetree the bedrooms of dooooom. DD’s bedroom and bathroom look like a set from The Wire . Absolute shit tip.

Question - do you think your teenagers know that you think they're great?

“Question - do you think your teenagers know that you think they're great?”

Mine do. I tell them all the time.

That is fab. I was an exceptionally well behaved teenager, and I think my parents totally took it for granted (and came down on me like several tons of bricks on the rare occasions I stepped out of line).

My ds 16 is lovely, great company and no trouble

Yes, I tell mine that too, I tell them about all the good things they have to offer the world. I feel I was too critical/negative when they were children which I'm not proud off but I've tried my hardest to reverse that since I realised I was doing it. They know they are loved and that we are proud of them and that they can tell us anything.

We've said that ok, we may get briefly angry even if we try not to, but at the end of the day whatever it is we will support them and try to help so a problem shared is a problem halved.

Ds even asked for our advice on how to ask a girl out yesterday, he'd also asked his brother which I thought was lovely.

Oh mine definitely know they are loved and that we are very proud of them. They both do very well at school, get glowing reports and parents' evenings, they save their crap for home and only us but I guess it has to come out somewhere. They are caring, thoughtful. intelligent, passionate but messy, rude, ungrateful, selfish and stroppy. So am I but I've learnt to filter, they're not there yet. I try hard not to judge their behaviour from my age perspective.They haven't had the life experience I have had.

I have one who is lovely and has always been lovely and one who we used to call the threenager when she was three because she had such an attitude then, and unsurprisingly, she still has it now!

If your dc is lovely now, they probably won't change massively. I know lots of lovely teens and some mouthy ones, but in their case, it's not a huge surprise.

You're right there lost I have one who is and always was on the selfish side of centre and one who is on the caring, giving side. As a PP said, this can be exaggerated at times of development or illness or stress.

Ds1 (21) and ds2 (16)are so different from each other that dh asked if ds2 had maybe been swapped at the hospital. He’s not like any of us 3.

He’s studious, ambitious, focused, determined, organized, even tempered. Beginning to think dh has a point (even though ds1 and ds2 were almost identical when small).

DD was a horrible teenager, rude, selfish and cruel. At 22, she's a wonderful mother, an assiduous student on course for a 2.1, and just good company.

That’s good to hear!

I teach teenagers. They're simultaneously the best and the worst

I kind of hope my two are a pain in the arse as they get further into their teens. I was a bit of a nightmare and my brothers were lovely and close to my parents all throughout their teens. Never really went out drinking etc. I became independent easily and am married with kids and own my own home. They (in their 30's) are still pretty dependent on my parents (work for them and get bailed out still when they have financial issues). I think the teenage rebellion is pretty important to be honest.

Just raise them well, let them make their own mistakes and be there for them when they inevitably do so and you cant go wrong.

Titsy I agree, it’s the start of the separation process that enables them to stand on their own two feet. JDilla is right, they will test the boundaries but hopefully what we’ve taught them along the way will be their moral compass. Fingers crossed. Doesn’t make it any easier in the thick of it but it helps to stand back and look at the big picture sometimes.

I was an easy teenager. Worked from age 14 and although my bed and board was provided, my parents didn't pay for anything else. I bought my first flat at age 18. Rebellion doesn't always need to happen for you to become an independent adult.

DS 14 isn’t “easy”, hasn’t been since birth.

He came out screaming and still is

He’s intense. He feels everything very keenly and wears his heart on his sleeve, at home, where he’s safe.

His room is sometimes a tip, sometimes immaculate. He’s horrible to his younger sister most of the time. He’s very bothered about how he appears to his friends, and spends ages playing with them on the Xbox. He tries to order us all around and strops when he doesn’t get his own way. He gets especially upset when he feels rules have been tightened or changed. He often challenges DH in what we call “silverback” mode, trying to become Alpha Male of the house. He’s a smelly shower avoider.

Also

He’s a leader not a follower. He’s a trained referee and earns his own money each weekend. He’s passionate about sport and highly competitive. He’s driven and focused, and academic. He’s very sharp, quick and has a wicked sense of humour. He’s a good cook and made us all pancakes last night. He’s independent, single-minded and sensible.

Love him so much it hurts.

17 and 19 yo teen boys here, love them to bits and like others i love this stage of life. No it's not been without its dramas and they have both had their moments but all you can do is build a good relationship with them through their childhood, set a good example, be supportive and hope for the best!

No. DS 18 yrs, DD 16yrs. Bloody hard work but not horrible. 95% of time are lovely but oh my word messy

I was an easy teen, had a few "you don't understand meeeee!" moments but didn't feel the need to rebel or be rude.

I have a lovely teen. Kind and funny, very capable in a crisis, looks out for his little brother, gives me hugs when he sees that I'm worried about something, and mostly says when he's unhappy or stressed rather than snapping and snarling.

He can be a bit greedy and lazy, and shopping in his company is a bit like being lifted by your ankles and shaken until your pockets are empty, but I think he's fantastic.

My boys are 16 and 18, they're lovely, young men. They're good company, fun to spend time with, they help out around the house, they're kind to each other, they're much more pleasant than I was in my teens! Couldn't be more proud of them!

Mine have had horrid phases, a bit like toddlers, but they come out the other side.