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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Are all teenagers horrible?

130 replies

Gekkoforprimeminister · 11/02/2018 20:59

All I seem to hear about teens is how awful, difficult and unlikable they are. Ds is only six and so loving and happy. Is it inevitable that he will become a complete horror? Or is there some hope, are some teens actually ok?

OP posts:
alotalotalot · 12/02/2018 08:49

I like mine. I get frustrated at having to ask them to do something a million times, and I prefer not to enter their pigstyes rooms unless I have to, but they are honestly great.

MyMarmitePurrs · 12/02/2018 09:23

My DD is 16 and on the odd occasion she looks up from her phone she is funny, caring and polite ! On the phone she just about manages a grunt

Carriemac · 12/02/2018 10:05

my teens (18) are lovely. they get on well, are academically successful, happy, have good friends and are great company.
of course they are messy and cost me a fortune but that s family life!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/02/2018 10:08

My dds were never horrible. Have faith!

I often think a lot of horribleness may come from having being allowed almost from birth to think the world revolves around them/always getting their own way/never being taught to consider other people, etc.

Original poster
Gekkoforprimeminister · 12/02/2018 10:15

Turned into a lovely thread, I'm so happy to read about all the lovely teens 😊

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 12/02/2018 11:05

The teenage years have been my favourite parenting years so far. Dss are 17 and 16 and lovely people. A bit lazy tbf but never give any cheek and are great company. Ds2 was a bit of a door slammer at about 10-12 but is the most laidback chap now.

It goes without saying that I love my DC but I also really like them

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 12/02/2018 11:06

they have their moments but on the whole my boys have been lovely teenagers. DS1 is 20 now and yes we had issues but on the whole he was no problem.

Yes he stayed out past the time he was asked to be home by on occasion, or would be stroppy and miserable.

DS2 has just turned 16 and on the whole has been great, easier than his brother, but maybe we both learned by mistakes made with DS1?

The downside to DS2 is he seems to mess up spectacularly when he has messed up, so we've not had issues with curfews etc, but he went to a party in may time last year and got drunk and didn't come home, friends found him passed out and called us!!! and new years eve he got drunk and vomited all over a friends parents lounge, so he had to pay for the sofa and carpet to be cleaned. I'm hoping he has now learned his lesson.

On a day to day though hes lovely, kind thoughtful, hard working, popular etc.

Now I may have to eat my words as dd is nearly 12 and the moods are much worse than anything I ever had with the boys already. But moods I can cope with.

orangewasp · 12/02/2018 12:01

Mine are lazy (especially when it comes to school work), messy, occasionally thoughtless and expensive. They are also very funny, good company, kind and occasionally thoughtful. They do daft things sometimes (as did I) but I enjoy them at this age, they are good company. You also start getting time to yourself again which is a big bonus.

LadyinCement · 12/02/2018 12:13

A bit cross about the comments along the lines of "it's all in the parenting" and "what you put in you get out". Piffle.

I have one friendly, laid-back no-trouble-at-all teen, and one... Kevin. Or Kevina, I should say. People just have different personalities, whatever age they are. I think character traits tend to exaggerate at certain points: toddlerhood, teenage years and when people get elderly and their filter goes.

WaxOnFeckOff · 12/02/2018 12:25

I think it is almost always down to personality Lady but it can also be down to how you handle issues when they arise so there is more than luck in it. You can't raise them all the same as they are different. I think when you are presented with a more feisty child - especially 2nd time around then you might find that you need to learn new techniques - or in some cases nothing works :o

I stopped going into a lot of the teen threads as mostly I didn't have anything to offer as I'd not really needed to actively parent a difficult teen and also that sometimes you felt they were making a rod for their own back by making hard boundaries and enforcements. Not saying that applies to you and it's easy to say when you aren't the one dealing with it!

Qvar · 12/02/2018 12:28

My 15 year old is lovely.

coldcanary · 12/02/2018 12:32

Mine is lovely, funny, smart and compassionate with the ability to be a complete and utter arse at times. Much like most people of all ages I suspect!

MsHarry · 12/02/2018 12:44

They have lovely moments and awful moments. DD17 is staring to have more lovely than awful. Dd14 is doing the opposite. Cherish the good moments and know it's a phase that will in time pass.

MsHarry · 12/02/2018 12:45

I think character traits tend to exaggerate at certain points: toddlerhood, teenage years and when people get elderly and their filter goes.
Absolutely this. Well said.

Battleax · 12/02/2018 12:48

Mine have mostly been lovely. #2 sometimes a bit depressive and moody but nothing hostile as such, #1 an absolute dream. There's a certain amount of stress from worrying about them, though. Teen culture isn't what it used to be.

Two down, two to go, though, so I won't breathe out yet (though there's a gap so I get a breather).

BertrandRussell · 12/02/2018 12:50

No. Mine are/were mostly lovely.

toriap2 · 12/02/2018 12:57

My 15 year old DD and her friends are lovely. Had 5 of them for a sleepover saturday noght and the worst they did was sing a bit too loudly. They even tidied up after themselves.

brizzledrizzle · 12/02/2018 13:09

Mine is lovely, funny, smart and compassionate with the ability to be a complete and utter arse at times. Much like most people of all ages I suspect!

^This

Sgtmajormummy · 12/02/2018 13:11

I have one either side of teenagerhood and work as a volunteer with them too.
I honestly believe it’s a privilege to be around this age group, they’re mostly positive about the future with a fresh outlook on life. Hopefully we give the ones having difficulties a nudge in the right direction.

In the teenage years DC1 drove me to tears of frustration many a time, but that’s only to be expected. Looking forward to the next few years with DC2!

chocolateworshipper · 12/02/2018 13:41

14 yo DD will have her moments of being moody, but will later on snap out of it and most of the time will apologise. Overall she's absolutely lovely, but it's perfectly normal to have hormonal outbursts.

MsHarry · 12/02/2018 13:43

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/2965257-Aaagh-ungrateful-teens?trending=1

This type of thing is what really gets me. Then everything will be fine again until the next moment. I think the difference is we tend to care more. My DM would have told me to stop being a brat and not worried. I worry!

PlanNumber · 12/02/2018 13:57

No! I work in a Pupil Referal Unit (where children permanently excluded from mainstream schools go) and even there, on the whole they are lovely. They are angry and in most cases are entitled to be because of the crappy lives they've been given, but even so are basically kind and polite, when not in crisis.

Among my own children and their friends (14 & 16yo) I honestly think they're far "nicer" than teens were when i was at school. They seem genuinely supportive and caring of one another and respect their achievements and differences, the things that would have lead to ridicule when I was a teenager.

Eolian · 12/02/2018 14:05

As a secondary teacher I have met my fair share of appallingly-behaved teenagers, but very few are awful on an individual basis. Teaching groups of 30 of them at a time is often... not fun. I have a nearly 13 yo dd. She's definitely a bit hormonal and tricky at times, but 95% of the time she's as lovely as ever!

DarthArts · 12/02/2018 14:11

I suppose it depends on how you define lovely.

Mine is generally pretty well behaved, doing well at school and nice to be around but.....

...getting him out of bed is a major chore, as is getting off his computer, nagging to tidy his room and most annoyingly getting him in the shower which is a daily trial though once in he's in there for hours.

So overall he's great when I have a cold and blocked nose Wink

suzy2b · 12/02/2018 14:40

I have a 9yr granddaughter who is a nightmare answers back shouts at me and her mum god knows what she is going to be like when she is a teenager

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