Are all teenagers horrible?

[Gekkoforprimeminister]

All I seem to hear about teens is how awful, difficult and unlikable they are. Ds is only six and so loving and happy. Is it inevitable that he will become a complete horror? Or is there some hope, are some teens actually ok?

No, they aren’t. I have a teenager and work with teens/young adults. Even the challenging ones can be funny, sweet and charming.

Teen years are exceptionally stressful, hormones agogo, physical appearance changing at a rate of knots (often at its worst - spots, greasy hair, puppy fat/skinny/lanky when you are desperate to attract a partner), academic pressure to achieve and to know wtf you’re going to do with the rest of your life, peer pressure from social media and friends to be cool or to conform. The list goes on. Increasingly high rates of mental health issues such as self harm, anxiety, depression and eating disorders are being seen in teens & young people as they struggle to balance the pressures of modern teenhood. A bit of understanding goes a long way.

I wish mine would do more around the house, but other than that, she's polite, we can take her anywhere, she'll happily go and see family. She doesn't always think the same way as us - unfortunately she's bright and after a chat about whatever 90% of the time can convince us why she's right.

All her friends from secondary and her new sixth form are polite, chatty and grateful.

She's now 16 and I'd say the last couple of years have been the easiest. Not saying I don't worry, I'll always do that!

My teens are / were lovely.
It is the BEST phase of parenting so far, IMVHO.
The lie ins are fab.
It is just the best thing when you go for a night out to include a glass or two of wwine, and your dc comes to pick you up at the end

I had to reply to this one!

My partner's son is 15. I was absolutely dreading meeting him!

But he is so lovely. He isn't stroppy or boisterous or a trouble maker as the stereotype may suggest. He is very kind and treats his little sister really well... he has a lot of patience with her too. He helps clear the table, load the dishwasher etc. He is grateful and polite when we take him out. He is a bit shy and doesn't say much but always engages with me etc. He does his revision when told. I think he will go far and i'm so proud he is now a part of my family.

My 13 and 15yo boys are delightful. They really are. They are so different, but both so confident and interesting and they make me howl with laughter. They can be stubborn/stroppy, as can I and dh, but we've never had a falling-out that isn't resolved very quickly. They talk to me, they fill the house with their friends, they aren't self-absorbed or antisocial and they show genuine interest in our lives and our feelings, and they love family days out and movie nights and spending time with us.

In my experience they definitely have their moments. They are growing up and often think they know it all already!
Most of the time they are ok. My ds and his friends are a great bunch. Polite, thoughtful and lots of fun.

Mine are lovely. Two boys, mid-late teens.
They hug me every day. Tell me they love me every day. Cuddle the cat.
They sometimes (not often) vacuum the house without being asked and always help out with cleaning if they are asked.
They never shout or lose their tempers with us and only bicker with each other - no raised voices or physical aggression.
One bakes cakes with his best mate that they then share between our families.
The other often spends his pocket money buying Big Issue from street sellers and always stop to chat with them when he does.
They both spend hours playing their musical instruments without me ever prompting them to practise.
They willingly come on long walks with us and to galleries and theatre and listen to silly comedy on the radio with us and do weekend magazine quizzes with us - they genuinely like the same stuff we like.

They're not perfect. Their rooms are absolute tips, they're very opinionated, would spend all weekend in PJs if allowed and all day long glued to a screen. But they are cuddly and kind and clever and good hearted and good natured. Was out with a friend today and we heard a toddler in meltdown and both said we were so much happier with teens at the stage they're at than with toddlers.

I'm a TA in a secondary school and I think the majority of teenagers are lovely; the majority of the time. As others have said they have their moments, like anyone really.

My teen is charming, funny, geeky, smart, daft, and helpful. He's also (at times) prickly, messy, deceitful, obtuse, impossible, grumpy and aggressive. I think he's wonderful. He also drives me up the wall!

Some are lovely. My DC4 was unspeakable as a small child. Yet he's delightful at 16...

Unlike DC5, who was the sweetest, loveliest of all my children and is now the teenager from Hell. I think they are all troublesome at some point. Some wait until they're 25 (DC3, I am looking at you).

Sorry - bit negative about DC5. I will add that when she's with other people, she's thoroughly lovely. So I must have done something right...

I have 6 Dc. 4 are currently teens, 19,18,16 and 14. The younger 2 are 12 and 10. The 16 year old has put us through hell and is currently in a bad place. The 18 year old is starting to get his shit together. The 19 year old is brilliant as is the 14 year old.
Tbh I am too exhausted by shenanigans to enjoy anything much atm.

Ours (21 & 23 ) were great. It’s pure luck imo.

I’ve never had a row with DS1 he doesn’t do shouting or being stropy. He never has. Not even as a toddler. Where he came from I really don’t know.

DS2 has always been my shadow. He still finds time in his day to text me. The other morning it was 2.42am when he was on his break on his A&E night shift. .

They’d both still sleep for England given half the chance and they still spend a lot of time in their dressing gowns when they are at home.

I have found the teenage years really easy. The house is calm, rarely cross words, no angst.

^^ Fairy “Pure luck” is about the size of it...

My 15 yr old is lovely, he’s really changed in the last year / 18 months and is helpful around the house and thoughtful of others, he now notices when I’m tired and will encourage me to rest. His conversation is now interesting and informed, yet still funny and such a fresh perspective. He was such a demanding, obsessive toddler and small child, it is lovely to see him grow up and become a rounded adult. He used to be mean to his younger sister, always having to be the best and being superior and unfriendly. Even this is nearly gone, he’s even taken to playing with her since last Autumn and both of them have fun & the unpleasant teasing has stopped. He asks to come with me on walks at the weekend, and chats about all and everything. What’s lovely is that he is consciously changing his behaviour, and talking about the changes, he is now able to take a step back and try to change. Having a teen is much much better than I’d expected - tbh given how badly the first 12 years went, I wasn’t really expecting things to turn out as they are at the moment.

I was dreading it but in the end having teens around was a joy. Loved their company and their friends' company. They had their moments but so did I. I miss them a lot now that they are out in the real world but they love and support each other, and I don't think you could ask more than that.

DS's friends at age 17 helped us move after our house was sold after divorce. They lifted furniture, loaded our hired van, lifted it all upstairs into the apartment, shifted it around, lifted endless boxes, the fish tank, books, clothes, mattresses. We had three days to move and they worked from 4pm til after dark all three days. Those boys got DS through the years when exH was being a complete dick to DS, and the DDs' friends were bricks for the DDs too. I knew most of their friends from age four - they have all grown up in front of my eyes; now two engineers, two teachers, a social worker, a university pastoral specialist, a commercial real estate broker, an ear, nose and throat specialist, a US army medic and a sales manager.

Yes!

I have a late teenage son who has his moments, but on the whole is lovely. I’ve had a nasty cold for a week and he’s offered to walk the dog and cook dinner.

MsHarry thanks for the reminder of a what a little shit DS1 can be I still haven't taken him away since what we now call The London debacle and am debating about whether or not to take him with me and DS 2 in the summer.

However he has been mostly lovely since then, woke me up on my birthday last week with a cup of tea and a hug and played all my favourite songs in the car on the way to school as well as having bought a thoughtful gift. So hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel, I still love teenagers and think that the fun you have with them and seeing them being sweet and thoughtful can balance out the bad stuff.

DD aged 15 is the devil incarnate a lot of the time (only to me), rude, selfish, answering back.

Then she does things like cooking me a meal when I've gone to bed with a headache!

A bit of both here I'd say!

Oh Mrscaindingle nice to hear from you. Your thread just struck a chord with me. i can put up with most teenage stuff but ungratefulness is the hardest and I just flip. I would have stomped off too and have done in similar situations.WE had an expensive villa holiday last year and oldest stayed in her room lots, never unpacked and moaned about the heat!!!! Grrrrr. Like you said, it waxes and wains so I am hoping that in the end there is more good than bad.

Reading "Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town!" helped me to step away and see the bigger picture.

I love this thread. I've always been very pro-teenagers (was vaguely connected to them through work in the past) but reading MN put the fear of God in me. I look at DD - 20 months and a complete darling - and worry about what the teen years will bring. It's good to know they can be lovely!

Mine has his moments, but he’s also hilarious, political, and looks after his gran.
He’s a good kid.