17 year old DD phone restrictions

[marionemread]

For the past few years I've taken all electronic devices off my 17 year old daughter at 9:30pm and her WiFi goes off completely at 9:30pm. This is the same for weekends and during the holidays. This results in constant arguments and her attitude has worsened including her swearing and arguing with me and being very reluctant to give her phone over. Am I being too strict?

I teach 16+ and I am utterly appalled at the way you are infantilising your almost adult daughter... OP you are so, so wrong.

She needs to learn to regulate herself. You are actively preventing her from learning how to take care of herself - even though you know that in 9 months she's going to have to do just that.

Parents who are controlling end up with dc who go completely wild at university - because they've never been allowed freedom before.

You think you are doing the right thing now? Come September your DD will be up half the night because of the novelty. She'll be stumbling, absolutely hammered, around the streets of a new city at 4am just because she can as Mummy isn't there to put her on lockdown.

Right now she's in the perfect safe environment to learn how to regulate her own internet use and sleep, to discover her limitations in terms of alcohol whilst she has a safety net of home. And that's what home should be - a safety net to catch her when she falls, as we all do. Not a playpen that stops her being allowed to learn.

Your job is to teach her how to spread her wings so come September she knows how to fly... Instead you are clipping them.

I'm not surprised she told you to fuck off - the way you are treating her is dreadful.

This is your last chance to get this right, otherwise you risk her not looking back once she tastes freedom.

And that will be entirely your fault.

Oooh cross post!

Cross post here too. We are largely on your side here.

Keep your head down and work hard at your A Levels. Not too long now and you will be able to wriggle free of her.

Your parents are control freaks, keep your head down, get your grades for uni and then you will be free!

Thank you for being so understanding, I can not wait for uni honestly am planning on having so much fun when I have freedom

Yes. But a responsible amount of fun right?

So you basically have the same rules for a 17yo as you do for a 12yo?
Holy shit I am glad you are not my mother!!!

Yeah, I am sensible, just want to cut loose now and again

OP. Good luck at uni and stay safe.

Just read what people have said on here to your mum (even though its you lol) and take note. Dont do things just to piss her off, it will just make things worse. Work hard, go to work, try not to get too drunk lol, show her you can be grown up about things, and use headphones lol. I cant believe no one is allowed downstairs after 9:30

I have to be this strict to teach her lessons.

@marionemread

But the lessons aren't working. You're getting it wrong.

Take her out for lunch and LISTEN to what she wants. Make compromises. Make friends with her so that you can understand** her and help her.

The way you are currently treating her isn't teaching her anything other than you're a bad mother who doesn't hear.

Ah I see ... a reverse! Clever 😂

wow. I left home at 17, it's too old for those sort of rules.

Prepare for the major fucking crash at uni.

You'd better work hard on those A levels if you want to escape. Liverpool is a fantastic city, especially if you're young. It's very student friendly and Bildungsroman Street has the most amazing restaurants. You'll gave a blast, but make sure you work your arse off at uni too, because you don't want to fail or get such a low pass that you'll end up back home. Can you imagine what your life will be like if you have to go back there? Hopefully your mum will wise up and you'll be able to rebuild your relationship once you have sone distance. Though id recommend staying in a cheap b&b or with a friend, if you go back for a visit, until you can be sure you'll be treated like an adult.

There is an app called screen time. Download it onto the younger children’s devices and leave the WiFi on. You can stop the younger devices at the time you chose.

Your eldest is 17 and will soon be leaving for uni. She will probably stay up all night on her phone because she’s not been able to do it before.

She got too drunk but that’s part of learning your own boundaries with alcohol. Safer to learn that now than in a strange town with people you’ve only just met who may not be trusted to get you home safe.

You need to let her go out and let her have her phone when she wants. You will cause major resentment with your relationship and once she is at uni you may find she no longer speaks to you.

She also needs to feel like she is included in her friends lives. Currently she is secluded because when they are all chatting and making plans in the evening she doesn’t have access to her phone.

I’m all for boundaries and house rules, but these should be age appropriate. Being treated the same as a 12 year old sibling shows you do not trust her or respect her.

Please reconsider your current set up.

Bildungsroman Street wtf spellcheck? I mean Bold Street.

If the WiFi got turned off at 9:30 and you’re on a laptop, how were you posting so late?

OP (real OP that is) make sure you are doing all you can to secure your A levels - this is your ticket out of this situation.

Be careful when you go to uni. I reacted badly to the freedoms of my first year and ended up having to resit my first year. That taught me more about having a bit of self-control than all the restrictions my parents had put in place.

Your parents probably mean well but they are going about this totally the wrong way. Not sure there is a lot you can do to change them.

OP, Your parents are crazy strict but I suspect the best way to get through the next year is to go with the flow a little. Telling them to fuck off is probably a bad idea

If the WiFi got turned off at 9:30 and you’re on a laptop, how were you posting so late?

Presumably the OP's DF only restricted internet access for certain devices, using MAC address filtering.

Caulk my router has different settings. I can limit the access my 11 year old has. I can also stop his access at certain times. I can do this with all users. I also have different settings for guests.
Op states that the kids internet is blocked at a certain time.

You need a smarter strategy OP. Deviousness is your friend, not upfront rebellion.

OP the more you tell your parents to fuck off the more they'll think you're acting like a child and that they're right.

I wish I could give you some advice but I really don't know what to say. Hold tight - September is only 9 months away!

This must be a wind up surely? If not she is going to go wild at uni. Poor girl! 17!?!