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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

17 year old DD phone restrictions

238 replies

marionemread · 27/12/2017 23:33

For the past few years I've taken all electronic devices off my 17 year old daughter at 9:30pm and her WiFi goes off completely at 9:30pm. This is the same for weekends and during the holidays. This results in constant arguments and her attitude has worsened including her swearing and arguing with me and being very reluctant to give her phone over. Am I being too strict?

OP posts:
Noteventhebestdrummer · 27/12/2017 23:57

You're kidding yourself if you believe that she doesn't have another secret phone anyway!

ProseccoMamam · 27/12/2017 23:57

Honestly I can see you're trying to help her but you are driving her away. She doesn't tell you anything I can promise you that. You will know nothing about her because She knows you don't trust her so won't tell you things. In a year she is legally an adult. You need to remember that, I'm assuming you want a good relationship with your children and you don't want them to go AWOL and NC for months when they finally get some freedom from their overbearing mum. Her friends are probably taking the piss out of her OP you are being ridiculous

DarkNightDelight · 27/12/2017 23:58

My partner has a 13 year old who's internet is turned off at 10.30 11on weekends.

Sparklingbrook · 27/12/2017 23:58

So you are effectively treating her as a 12 year old? That's not right.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 27/12/2017 23:58

If she doesn't go to sleep and stays awake on the phone all night, she will suffer the consequences of it the next day and will learn the lesson. She won't do that if you don't let her make the mistake in the first place. When she is at uni she won't be used to the freedom and will either get very stressed at having to make decisions herself or will go wild.

I have a 17 year old and have stopped imposing bed times or removing tech because he's nearly a man, he has a part time job alongside school and while he occasionally does stay up too late, he knows how crap he will feel the next day and most times won't take the risk.

illuminousopptomist · 27/12/2017 23:58

I have let my DD from 15 choose what time to use her phone until. She knows if she stays on it too late she will be tired the next day. It is her call.

Original poster
marionemread · 27/12/2017 23:58

She gets too drunk when she goes out, her food habits are bad and she still goes to bed late anyway, possibly rebelling? I've limited her to going out to parties once a month and for the moment she isn't allowed to go out anymore at all because she got too drunk at a party.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2017 00:00

I have an 18 year old DS home for Christmas. He is free to use his phone whenever he wants. DS2 (15) while it's school holidays it's the same for him.

MTverystressed · 28/12/2017 00:00

No wonder she’s going to a uni far away...

LovingLola · 28/12/2017 00:00

My daughter is the same age. She moderates her own phone usage and has done for quite a while. She switches it off at about 10pm. Why should your almost adult daughter be subject to the same rules as her 12 year old sibling?

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2017 00:01

Bit of a drip feed this.

So no NYE celebrations for her either?

LovingLola · 28/12/2017 00:01

I'd say she cannot wait to get away from you!!

llangennith · 28/12/2017 00:02

If she gets into Uni and moves out she won’t be able to manage because you haven’t taught her how to self-discipline herself. You think you’re helping but you’re controlling. From your replies so far you’re not going to change your ways so why post?

Original poster
marionemread · 28/12/2017 00:02

No NYE because she's banned from going out. We've let her sleep at her friends but with the way she's acting at the minute with not wanting to hand her phone over and swearing not sure we'll let her sleep over

OP posts:
RicottaPancakes · 28/12/2017 00:03

Most people here disagree with the OP ,but would you not restrict other things that you felt that your 17yo wasn't able to self regulate? Would you let them drink a bottle of wine every night until they learn to self regulate?
Isn't it quite sad that people are so dependent on their phones/screens?
Why should she get teased about having to put her phone away a certain time? Isn't that kind of behaviour quite immature?

Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 28/12/2017 00:04

Yes she probably is rebelling. It must drive her nuts. No wonder she wants to go to uni far away. I bet she doesn’t move back after either.

Part of growing up is making bad choices and learning from them.

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2017 00:05

Well it all sounds like a pretty miserable Christmas time TBH. Has she been accepted for the far away University?

LovingLola · 28/12/2017 00:05

Look, this time next year she will be long gone from home. And may not ever be back! Enjoy NYE.

Original poster
marionemread · 28/12/2017 00:05

How can I change to become more lenient with her?

OP posts:
Original poster
marionemread · 28/12/2017 00:06

She got an offer from Uni of Liverpool for Business Management yes

OP posts:
LovingLola · 28/12/2017 00:06

It's too late now.
Mind you I am beginning to doubt the veracity of this thread...

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2017 00:07

What grades does she need? Is she likely to achieve them?

Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 28/12/2017 00:08

Well maybe work on being less controlling ? She’s going to be an adult soon. She will have to learn sometime. Let the poor girl have her phone for a start.

I remember when I was living on site at college my friends parents would phone them up and make sure they had done their coursework. I was Confused because my parents made sure I knew it was my problem if I didn’t do it and I had to take the consequences. It just didn’t come up.

Original poster
marionemread · 28/12/2017 00:08

Needs ABB, is predicted A*BC

OP posts:
lucylouuu · 28/12/2017 00:09

jesus really?! she's 17 ffs i moved out then. let her have her phone at weekends and holidays and let her have fun and go out. she will grow up to resent you for not letting her have fun in her teenage years

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