17 year old DD phone restrictions

[marionemread]

For the past few years I've taken all electronic devices off my 17 year old daughter at 9:30pm and her WiFi goes off completely at 9:30pm. This is the same for weekends and during the holidays. This results in constant arguments and her attitude has worsened including her swearing and arguing with me and being very reluctant to give her phone over. Am I being too strict?

On the day she leaves for uni give her a massive hug because it will be the last time you see her for a looooonngg time.

Get a grip! She is on the cusp of adulthood. I'm surprised she hasn't told you where to shove the phone yet, that should show you how restrained and mature she is.

I think you're being totally ridiculous. It's madness.

What was 'too drunk'?

I have a DD in the same year. I remind her that she needs to be in a fit state for the following day. Excessive drinking has its own punishment, I don't need to add to it.

Unless there is some major back story I think demanding electronic devices off her at all is ridiculously draconian.

I had a very strict upbringing and this would've been harsh be even those standards! She is practically an adult.

University looks likely then, I think she will love the freedom. In all respects.

She got so drunk she was out of it and then was hugely hungover the next day. So I grounded her from parties until her 18th birthday in April and made her go to work the next day. She was reluctant to go to work but I said if she didn't go she wouldn't be allowed to go to prom or do anything for her 18th.

is this a joke thread or are you really that nasty?

She’s grounded for 4 months ? For getting drunk at 17 ?

No I’m sorry I don’t belive you.

Normal people would just have let her go to work with the hangover and suffer. Plenty to be learned from that.

It’s better for her to make her mistakes whilst still at home where she should be able to come
Home safely.
Rather than wait until uni surrounded by strangers

Yea....you messed up.

You need to go and hand her phone now. Tell her the restrictions are lifted that you acknowledge and accept she is an adult and that you hope she enjoys her new year.

That is if you want a decent adult relationship with your daughter?

Is this a reverse?

No I'm being serious, I have to be this strict to teach her lessons. She went to work though. Should I elongate the time she has her phone for or take the ban off?

Bollocks.

My parents were very strict because they didn't know how not to be. As a result I stole every piece of freedom I could get. I told them nothing about my real life. Over 30 years later I am still very selective about what I tell my mother.

Take the ban off, and start to parent her as a 17 year old and not a 12 year old.

OP. You need to make stable and realistic financial decisions now. This is to completely cover all costs relating to you again and deteriorating later in life.

Because you're daughter isn't going to want Jack to do with you or going to assist you in any way.

So, she made a mistake / misjudged the effect of the alcohol on her.
I think you'll find most teens do that at some point.

The hangover is the lesson, not months of not being able to ever go out.....

shes got the same restrictions as the 12 year old?

At 17 she shouldn't have any, she should be able to decide when she wants to sleep and for how long. It will also be quite embarrassing for her when she tells her friends got to go, DPs turning the wifi off at 9.30 pm. Its the holidays, surely you haven't still turned it off

This is ridiculous. I'm 24 and was never restricted with phone use at night, never mind at 17. I hardly ever stayed up on my phone instead of sleeping.

Love to be a fly on the wall when she reaches 18.

Take the ban off.

If she was hungover for work and got too drunk the night before, she won’t be doing it again in a hurry. She will be drinking at uni and will then legally be an adult so leave her to it.

If I had to abide by those restrictions at 17 I would make a point of rebelling.

If I don't keep the rules and WiFi the same for weekends and holidays then they'll get into the habit of going on them later. She bought her own tablet to be able to go on it when her phone was gone but restricted the WiFi on that and now I have that tablet.

and why has she got to hand her phone over if you have turned the wifi off anyway, seems very controlling to me

You're not helping her! She's not learning any regulation skills so you are making life much more difficult for her when she goes to University.
You are also damaging your relationship with her. She will always remember how ridiculously strict you were and how you treated her like a small child.

Think you'll find she will go completely off the rails when she gets to uni as she won't know what to do with all the freedom. I'm 20 , I worked full time and had my own place by 17 and couldn't imagine having friends/a partner who still had bedtimes and phone restrictions.

I don't doubt for one second you have her very best interests at heart and whilst she is living under your roof she should be respecting your wishes but maybe you could have a chat with her about boundaries, expectations and giving her a bit more responsibility/freedom and you may find her behaviour improve?