16 year old DS away with GF

[Woody67]

My DS is 16 (17 in December) and he is going on a "mini break" for 3 nights to a B&B with his GF, also 16. They've been together about 7 months. My view is that it's probably preferable to a lads rowdy holiday and if they are going to have sex then they don't need to go away to do so.. Would you let your 16 yo go?

I lived and supported myself and had a child when I was 16.
Of my mother had tried to tell me I wasn't allowed to go on a weekend break I'd have politely smiled and informed her I could actually do what I liked within my means.

Let them go, have some fun, do some shagging. Who's it hurting if they're mature and safe and respectful?

Me: But I've been trying to point out, calmly and politely, that parents don't have that level of control

You: We still do though. It will probably change over the next year or so, I'm sure it will but atm we do.

Explain please. I've pointed to the House of Lords ruling that you don't, so what legislation are you referring to?

What legislation? The fact we still have a level of control over him which means if we said he couldn't go,he wouldn't go. And contrary to MN that isn't any different to any of his mates either they wouldn't be going either at 16.

His old enough to work full time so in my view, old enough to go away.

I would much prefer him to go away with his girlfriend rather than a group of lads.
I would talk to the girls parents, and ask if she has been put on the pill, i think being honest and open is the way forward... And ofcourse, condoms arent 100% safe

Make sure he has plenty of condoms to back them up, even if you have to slip them into his case without him knowing...

Talk to him and be honest, ask him to send a couple of texts a day to reassure you that they are ok.
Get the b&b name incase of an emergency and reassure him that gou would rather a call at 3am to say they are in trouble than not recieving one....

Mine wouldnt have gone if we said no, but he was a well behaved 16yr old so we said as i mentioned above yes, at 17 he did an airbnb in Paris and 18 airbnb Iceland then at 20 backpacked Australia. (Same gf)
We dont regret letting him go at all, our friebds whos dc went on girls/ lads holidays had far more problems than we did with ours.

What legislation?grin The fact we still have a level of control over him which means if we said he couldn't go,he wouldn't go. And contrary to MN that isn't any different to any of his mates either they wouldn't be going either at 16.

At last I see. You are assuming a level of control that in reality you don't have (because your DS has the legal right to decide for himself). And your DS is compliant enough to accept your ruling without argument.

And when you say things may change in a couple of years, you don't mean you expect the legislation to change, but rather that you may change your mind (but you might not).

OK - I get it. I may not agree with it, but I get it. I'll shut up now.

Oh,I'm sure he'd argue

Those of you who don't mind them going away and having lots of sex - do none of you worry about unplanned pregnancy? Contraception isn't 100% reliable and what a decision to have to make at 16 if there was a pregnancy. I feel 18 would be the better age to have a relationship with lots of 'shagging' as someone upthread put it. At least then you could deal with a potential pregnancy. 16 too young in my opinion.

Teen - I agree with you, I would be terrified of an unwanted pregnancy - and yes I know it can happen anywhere, doesn't have to be a 'weekend away' but I strongly believe if you are mature enough to having a sexual relationship you need to be mature enough to deal with an unplanned pregnancy - and all sorts of concerns may arise if one partner wants to keep the baby and one doesn't - and I think two 16 year olds are just not mature enough to deal with that situation. As I said earlier, this has happened in my extended family, two unplanned children bought into the world - it's no fun for the teenage parents or the babies (or the grandparents who are having to pick up the pieces) - plus expense for the State as SS are involved. A horrible mess all round.

As others have pointed out in Scotland you can get married at 16. I don't know if the law is the same in England but up here you can also prevent your parents knowing how you are doing at school and indeed knowing anything much about what is going on in your life. Although obviously in return they have no legal obligation to support you over 16 and provide a roof over your head. 16 year old voted in the referendum. And do some pretty mature things from 12. To suggest you can't go away to a B&B for two nights is ridiculous.

From Scottish Government Website

From age 12 you can:

Consent to your own adoption
Make a will
See a 12A film, unaccompanied by an adult
(Under 12s must be accompanied by an adult)
Rent or buy a 12 certificate film
Apply to the Child Support Agency for maintenance payments from an absent parent
Register as an organ donor
all without parental consent

From age 12 you could:

Be the subject of an Antisocial Behaviour Order (An ASBO)

From age 12 you must:

Pay a full fare on most flights

From age 12 you will be presumed sufficiently old and mature to:

Express views about future arrangements for your care
Instruct a lawyer in a civil ( ie non-criminal) matter
Access personal records
Make a freedom of information request from a public authority

From age 13 you can:

Be employed occasionally by parents
Doing light gardening or farming work subject to the local authority byelaws where you live
Be employed by other people
Doing light work specified in, and subject to, the local authority byelaws where you live ( e.g. your local newspaper shop to do a paper round)
Join a social networking site
Like Bebo, MySpace or Facebook

From age 14 you can:

Stand for election as:
A Member of the Scottish Youth Parliament
Vote in an election for:
A Member of the Scottish Youth Parliament
From age 14 you can be employed to do light work:
On weekdays or Sundays
For 2 hours per day (but only 1 hour before school) between 7 am and 7 pm
On Saturdays or in school holidays
For 5 hours per day
In school holidays
For 25 hours per week
In school term time
For 12 hours per week
From age 15 you can do light work as at 14 but:

On Saturdays or in school holidays
For 8 hours per day
In school holidays
For 35 hours per week

From age 15 you can:
See a 15 certificate film

From age 16 you can:
Leave school
If you are 16 between 1 March and 30 September you can leave after 31 May of that year. If you are 16 between 1 October and the last day of February you can leave at the start of the Christmas holidays in that school year
Leave home
All Without your parent or guardian's consent
Get married
Enter into a civil partnership
Consent to lawful sexual intercourse
Get a full-time job and pay National Insurance
Get the National Minimum Wage
At the rate for 16 and 17 year olds
Get a skin piercing, without parental consent
Under 16s need to be accompanied by a person with parental rights and responsibilities, who gives written consent to a piercing
Apply for a 10-year passport
Be legally responsible for babysitting
Buy a pet
Enter into a legally-binding contract
If you are under 16, you can also do this if the contract is usual for someone of your age and its terms are not unreasonable
Get access to adoption records
If you are adopted
Record a change of name officially
Without parental consent
From age 16 you could:

Be prosecuted in the District, Sheriff or High Court
Under 16 you can be prosecuted in either the Sheriff Court or High Court, but only on the instructions of the Lord Advocate
Be sent to a Young Offenders' Institution
From age 16 you must:

Pay a full fare on buses and trains
Unless you have a concession card
From age 16 you can:

Consume beer, wine or cider
With a meal in a restaurant
Hold a licence to pilot a glider
Hold a licence to drive a moped
Buy National Lottery tickets and bet on the football pools
Buy Premium Bonds
Consent to medical treatment
If you are under 16 you can also consent to medical treatment if you are capable of understanding the nature and possible consequences of the procedure and treatment
Join the Armed Forces
Army, Navy and Air Force (most trades)
Not as an officer
Need parental consent (if under 18)
Can apply from 15 years 9 months
Stand for election as a Community Councillor:
16 is the recommended minimum age at which you can stand for election as a Community Councillor

Lots of people live alone by that age. It sounds like you're being really controlling to even question it to be honest.

I think it's really sweet and grown up. Would much rather my son was doing this rather than getting pissed up with the lads and taking legal highs. Your Son sounds sensible, he obviously wants to spend some quality time with his girl friend without the risk of parents walking in. I can remember wanting to do the same with my boyfriend when we were 17, we ended up sleeping in his car in a lay by just to get some alone time (wasn't a good idea as it was freezing) .

I would let my DS go.. if he was paying for it himself, why not? Lots of 16 years olds go off to festivals for 3 days. I don't think many B&Bs will take under 18s though. They might be ok with couples I guess, just not same sex groups.

I'd let him go. All of my friends are there boyfriends we're going abroad from 16. I did 2 weeks in Berlin with my best friend aged 15.

You see a 16 year as some sort of child. At 16 I was very very very mature for my age! Not all 16 year olds are the same! If she's responsible and keeps you up to date on what she's doing and where she's going on a regular than why shouldn't she go? If she has sex so what? It's allowed at that age as long as they are safe and she feels not pressured either! Maybe talk to her boyfriend and her together and talk about the responsibilities of any problems or danger ask for his number as well as long as they are responsible and she may be able to show you trust through further holidays and activities in the future!

I think this sounds nice.

At 16 my boyfriend and I went to Edinburgh for a long weekend. Saved up from our Saturday jobs. Climbed Arthur's seat, shopped and had lots of sex. Our parents were absolutely fine with it, the logic being we'd been responsible enough to plan and save for the trip and we'd likely be responsible enough to use contraception.
He was a nice bloke and it was great for both of our confidence.

Lots of people live alone by that age - seriously??? I know I keep coming back to this point but I don't know any 16 year olds who live alone. Where are all these 16 year olds who live on their own ?

I was one, for a start.

Lots of people live alone by that age. It sounds like you're being really controlling to even question it to be honest

Lots,really?

I was one and that was 30 odd years ago. Things were different, I can't think of one teen I know who lives by themselves now, not one.

Don't know a single 16 year old who loves on their own.

so to call them schoolchildren is completely wrong

No. At 16, all my dc, all my nieces and nephews, all my friends dc all my dcs friends, all my God children, all the dc of my colleagues, were all at school, so, how can it be 'wrong' to call them school children ?

Equally, I know of no 16 yr olds who live alone. I'll acknowledge there are exceptions, but certainly not "lots"

Leonardthelemming what you seem to be confusing is the fact that something might be "legal" doesn't mean it is the 'right choice' for a person at that time. There are all sorts of things that are not illegal, that I have never done and have no wish to do. My dc are actually pretty independent, and we talk about all sorts of things long before they arise so they can think things through and make decisions for themselves. this is not something would be encouraging, and is something that - because of their maturity - they have realised that a rush of hormones at 16, isn't necessarily "love" that people are talking about. They realise there are consequences for all actions, and are all pretty capable of thinking about things. that doesn't mean parents are "controlling" them, or "stopping" them, but it doesn't mean we have to pretend we think it is a good idea, and, because they've been allowed to make all sorts of decisions over their lives, they don't have this need to do things to shock their parents nor to appear 'cool' in front of friends.

I am aware of at least 3 16 year olds who live alone. Just because you don't know any doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Exactly helpful. Limited personal experience being used as a substitute for data.

Of course most live with parents at that age, but the fact that some live alone shows how silly it is for parents to be trying to stop 16 year olds still living with them from having a couple of days of independence. Smothering.

Obviously if they have special needs or are incredibly immature it might not be appropriate, but for any normal 16 year old, a completely natural part of their development.

Memoirs of a 16 yo on a mini break with her boyfriend.

Got to b&b checked out the local village, went walking in the hills, walk down to a country pub, had a drink or 2, didn't get shit faced. Walk back to B&B.

Day two caught steam train to little semi famous town, went to the local semi famous museum. Explored the town shops, had a cream tea. Went back on steam train.

Went to the pub again. Went back to B&B

Day 3 came home.

Not exactly wild sun sea and sex getting off your face and getting a shitty tatoo type stuff is it?

Yes we had sex, but it was more about being together, doing normal stuff.

I really cannot see why so many people are up in arms about this.

Both sets of parents feel the dc are responsible enough to go, so why not?

Oh and weirdly whilst in the town we bumped into a couple from our home town, they were doing the same as us, on a mini break and were just a year or two older.