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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old DS away with GF

137 replies

Woody67 · 14/07/2017 19:10

My DS is 16 (17 in December) and he is going on a "mini break" for 3 nights to a B&B with his GF, also 16. They've been together about 7 months. My view is that it's probably preferable to a lads rowdy holiday and if they are going to have sex then they don't need to go away to do so.. Would you let your 16 yo go?

OP posts:
ChasingHighs · 15/07/2017 21:43

Maybe wait until your son is 16, then come back and say what you would and wouldn't do.

burntoutmum · 15/07/2017 21:43

I used to go on regular over night stays with my then boyfriend at 16/17. we were rarely careful, god knows how I didn't fall pregnant Blush

My eldest is a couple of years younger, I don't think I'd allow him. My parents weren't aware, I told them I was staying at a friends Shock

demirose87 · 15/07/2017 21:47

I'd say no. But it depends on the maturity of your son and girlfriend. At 16 sex is legal of course, but still a child. I don't know if I'd be comfortable with my son going away at that age with friends or girlfriend.

glitterbean · 15/07/2017 21:47

I went away to Paris with my BF at 17! We had been together a while, were convinced we would be together for the rest of our lives and wanted a nice weekend away before we went to our separate uni's. We had a fab time :)

Floofborksnootandboop · 15/07/2017 21:48

I wouldn't have a problem and I'm sure when DS2 was 16 he went away with his girlfriend.

demirose87 · 15/07/2017 21:50

They may also need to prove their age to the b and b because if they were under 16 they could get themselves into trouble.

PlymouthMaid1 · 15/07/2017 21:54

I used to go away with my bf about the same age to a caravan in Wales for weeks in the Summer. At 16 you need a bit of trust but I think I would want to be sure they were we sensible, wouldn't have a row and leave each other vulnerable away from home and contraception was sorted.

Voice0fReason · 15/07/2017 22:06

If he's working, paying for it himself and has found a place to book, I don't see why you would say no. I'm assuming they can get there themselves.
I can't see a justification for saying no.

leonardthelemming · 15/07/2017 22:12

I'd say no. But it depends on the maturity of your son and girlfriend. At 16 sex is legal of course, but still a child.

Why on earth do people refer to adolescents as children? One of the biggest problems facing teenagers today is a society that tries to force them into a form of extended childhood, beyond what is natural.

And why do people immediately start going on about sex? Yes, perhaps they will, but I suspect the main reason for the planned trip is just to get a bit of alone time.

And to all those who would say no, do you really think you have the power/right/authority to overrule their decision? I'm pretty sure you don't. If they can legally leave home for good, surely they must be able to leave for a few days. What would you actually do if they just went anyway?

Beelzebop · 15/07/2017 22:18

Totally agree Leonard.

StarUtopia · 15/07/2017 22:23

They're not consenting adults. They are children.

Mamia15 · 15/07/2017 22:23

I would let them go. They're 16 and we need to stop infantalising young people.

I wouldn't encourage them to have serious relationships either but again I wouldn't try to stop them. One of my DC is in a monogamous committed relationship but both are very sensible and they have done some independent travelling thanks to their part time jobs which they have juggled along with their education.

DownstairsMixUp · 15/07/2017 22:25

Being able to consent to sex doesn't equal =adult. Under 18 is still classed as a child in this country.

DownstairsMixUp · 15/07/2017 22:26

Lol ok chasing pretty sure my opinion will stay the same. I had the same sort of boundaries as a child, maybe if you stopped being so patronising you could be a better person yourself.

Ragwort · 15/07/2017 22:27

As I said earlier on this thread, how many 16 year olds could really afford to leave home, get a job, earn enough to pay rent etc etc? Hmm.

I have a 16 year old DS and whilst I appreciate it would be pretty hard to absolutely forbid him from going away like this if he really wanted to I do feel very strongly that it is totally inappropriate. In my opinion, the 16 year olds I know have no where near enough maturity to deal with this sort of relationship.

hmmmkay · 15/07/2017 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Migraleve · 15/07/2017 22:29

Why on earth do people refer to adolescents as children

This always makes me laugh on MN. The same people will be on another thread somewhere saying 'for god sake they are 12, of course you shouldn't do their washing' or something equally ridiculous

Isadora2007 · 15/07/2017 22:34

My boyfriend was 2 years older than me and we had a hotel room for the night before I was 16, possibly 14 still and a B and B when I was 15. When 16 we had a long weekend in the Lakes and that was the first overnight my parents knew about. In fact I'm sure they only thought we were sexually actively from then 🙈

Nothing wrong with it at all.

BackforGood · 15/07/2017 22:40

No, and chasinghigh my dc are 15y 10m, 18, and 21, so that is my opinion having waited until 2 at least are 16 and over.
If they are an age where you "let" them do things, then they are too young.

leonardthelemming · 15/07/2017 22:51

Under 18 is still classed as a child in this country.

In order to comply with the UN Convention on Children's Rights - so that anyone under 18 can benefit from legislation intended to protect real children. It doesn't mean 16/17-year-olds actually are children - certainly not in the biological sense.
The Passport Office defines a child as someone under 16. The Citizens Advice Bureau defines a child as someone under 14.

In my opinion, the 16 year olds I know have no where near enough maturity to deal with this sort of relationship.

To which the obvious response is, why not?

bruffin · 15/07/2017 22:56

I let my ds go with his girlfriend camping/ youth hostel at the same age, agree i was much more comfortable with that than a lads holiday. They were very mature for their age
That was 5 years ago and they are still together

demirose87 · 15/07/2017 22:59

leonardthelemming, they are legally children until 18. Maybe they aren't going for sex but pretty likely they will if they're in a b n b for three nights. Just because they are legally allowed doesn't mean they should have every opportunity to do so. And it's not just about the sex, I'm not sure I'd want my child away without any kind of supervision for three nights. I just feel its too young. But OP knows her son best and her decision.

wellhonestly · 15/07/2017 23:17

I am still struggling to work out how you can "let" or "not let" a 16yo go away on a break. Isn't it genuinely their choice and their decision? I mean, they can leave home without your say-so at that age, can they not? They don't need a consent form from their parents.

I might have some advice, but if they were set on it what am I going to do? It's not like it's something illegal. What's my sanction: Don't come back? You're grounded? No TV for a week? I would only go nuclear for something that deserved it, and imo this isn't it.

I have been telling my kids since they were 14 or 15 "you're practically an adult" to get them to take some responsibility round the house, think through the consequences of what they do etc etc. I am hardly going to tell a 16yo they are "still a child".

I have had lots of conversations with them about not becoming a parent before they are ready (and can afford it, haha) - that's my main worry about them possibly being sexually active tbh.

Those of you who wouldn't "let" their 16yo do this, I want to ask: would they just take a telling from you, or what sanction would you devise to make sure they stayed at home? Genuinely interested.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/07/2017 23:18

I think it's too young.

leonardthelemming · 15/07/2017 23:27

leonardthelemming, they are legally children until 18.

And they also have the legal right to leave home (and therefore go on holiday without parental supervision).

Maybe they aren't going for sex but pretty likely they will if they're in a b n b for three nights. Just because they are legally allowed doesn't mean they should have every opportunity to do so.

Why on earth not? It's their (mutual) decision and none of anyone else's business. And the OP has stated that they have already had every opportunity, which is why I suggested the trip is probably more about alone time and having the opportunity to blend in to an adult environment.

I'm not sure I'd want my child away without any kind of supervision for three nights. I just feel its too young.

Why is it too young? It shouldn't be, if said child had been given the opportunity to grow up at a natural rate. (But I'm biased because DS2 lived by himself during the whole of his A levels, from 16. We funded him, of course - that's what parents are for, after all - but he was absolutely fine and looks back on that time with fond memories.)

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