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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old DS away with GF

137 replies

Woody67 · 14/07/2017 19:10

My DS is 16 (17 in December) and he is going on a "mini break" for 3 nights to a B&B with his GF, also 16. They've been together about 7 months. My view is that it's probably preferable to a lads rowdy holiday and if they are going to have sex then they don't need to go away to do so.. Would you let your 16 yo go?

OP posts:
GnoraBatty · 14/07/2017 19:36

Ah I would send them off quite happily. I was having sex at that age, I wouldn't have been able to afford a few days away at that age though. I don't see the problem at all.

Mrstumbletap · 14/07/2017 19:39

Yes I would let him go if it were my DS. I was happily shagging at that age, being sensible, using protection with my boyfriend, who was a guy I fancied the pants off, and it did wonders for my self confidence. My parents never minded and must have known my weekends 'round his house' would have been doing that. They never even mentioned it.

It's just sex, it's what those bits were made for. As long as they are consenting and using protection, crack on I say!

Ragwort · 14/07/2017 20:25

It's just sex - maybe my view is skewed but having seen the unhappiness caused by young people I know being over invested in their relationships - and two children bought into the world who were not planned and do not have a particularly happy life (SS involvememnt etc) I still would much rather my 16 year old did not get involved in a serious relationship at this age. Not all 16 year olds are mature enough to deal with serious/sexual relationships.

MrsPorth · 15/07/2017 18:05

A weekend break seems quite "grown up". Most of my friends and I were in monogamous relationships at 16 but it wouldn't have occurred to us to go away with our boyfriends. I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with the idea though. It just seems a bit unusual. I hope they have fun!

Aroundtheworldandback · 15/07/2017 18:24

My Ds did this at 16. I wasn't happy (to put it mildly). My dh persuaded me to let them go (b&b accepted them) as they were in a steady, commitment relationship. A year on they are just as committed and I honestly can't say that it affected things either way.

leonardthelemming · 15/07/2017 18:26

Do the B+B owners know uthey have schoolchildren coming to stay ?

What a condescending thing to say about two young people. They are sixteen. They can leave school and work full time. And my guess is that they have been working - to save up for their holiday. Is this child-like behaviour? Of course it isn't - it's the sort of thing adults do.

So if they are acting like adults, for goodness sake treat them like adults. Just because they are not 18 yet, doesn't make them immature. Don't forget that a number of jurisdictions have lowered the voting age to 16 - I've worked in one - and I can assure you that 16-year-olds can be very responsible indeed.

AnyFucker · 15/07/2017 18:29

Actually 16 yo's can not leave school and work full time.

They have to be in education or training until they are 18

Beelzebop · 15/07/2017 18:29

I did this, with my lovely boyfriend of the time. We went to Cumbria for a weekend. My mum drove us up and we got the train back. Yes we had sex, but tbh that was going on whether we were on holiday or not. The owner was aware of our ages and not bothered. We were just a young couple. It was great.

rogueantimatter · 15/07/2017 18:34

Yes I would allow it. Unless there's more info about them you haven't told us which is relevant.

eaturveggies123 · 15/07/2017 18:41

My 16 yo is going away to Venice for two weeks with her boyfriend! All paid for by themselves, I have no problems with it

MineKraftCheese · 15/07/2017 18:47

@AnyFucker In England but not the rest of the UK.

leonardthelemming · 15/07/2017 19:19

Actually 16 yo's can not leave school and work full time.

They have to be in education or training until they are 18

I just knew you would come back and say something like this. 16-year-olds, once they have reached the school leaving age (which is actually not an age but a date) can work full time. This is not mutually exclusive with continuing with education or training, because that can be done alongside the full-time work. It is the student's responsibility to continue their education, not their parents'. But it isn't until they are 18 - it's until they are either 18 or until they have achieved the prescribed Level 3 qualification (whichever comes first).

Original poster
Woody67 · 15/07/2017 20:45

They are pretty sensible and mature for their age. They have both had jobs since they turned 16 and are paying for the trip themselves. I was in full time work when i was their age. The B&B owner knows they are under 18, and her parents are fine with it. They like him because he treats her well. With regards to sex, they left school last month and have ample opportunity to DTD while us parents are at work. I had by that age and I never spent the night with my boyfriend. We have had several open conversations about contraception, safe sex, respect etc.

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 15/07/2017 20:57

I was engaged at 16.

Divorced at 20. Live and learn.

BonjourMeDarlin · 15/07/2017 21:08

We have had several open conversations about contraception, safe sex, respect etc.
(I have two teenagers).^ If you have done this then you can't really do anything more.
I would let them go. It's better that are honest and tell you what's going on than sneak around. Hopefully if you a good relationship then if an happens despite being careful they could ask for help - morning after pill for example.

BonjourMeDarlin · 15/07/2017 21:09

*if anything happens

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/07/2017 21:12

No,I don't know anyone else who would either.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 15/07/2017 21:23

I remember being 16. I lived away from home at boarding college. We had very little supervision at all and I remember the stuff I did. Most of it not legal. Honestly I'm not sure how it was allowed as it wasn't so long ago.

A weekend away with a long term partner would pale into insignificance by comparison.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 15/07/2017 21:24

I doubt I was as mature as your son is for saving and dealing with the going away stuff either. I could barely feed myself.

AliceTown · 15/07/2017 21:25

I left home at 16 - went to college, got a job, kept a home. As long as he's mature enough, I don't see the problem.

StiginaGrump · 15/07/2017 21:32

I had my own place at sixteen and went on plenty of B and B breaks and were turned away from non. There were a few that it would have been a blessing to be banned from but weird Welsh B and B food we survived.
I can't help but think that we infantilise our children increasingly - 16 used to be quite old whereas now we have 18year olds who can't do a uni open day. that's more wtf

ChasingHighs · 15/07/2017 21:36

I was going to festivals at 16. Not much difference between shagging in a tent to shagging in a B and B. Except its probably more comfortable [grin}

I would let him go, .

Fairylea · 15/07/2017 21:39

I must be very laid back because I actually think it's quite sweet... definitely preferable to some lads boozed up thing.

DownstairsMixUp · 15/07/2017 21:40

I swear I live on another planet to mumsnet, im 30 and no way on earth would i let my son go on a mini break at 16 (he is 8 now) serious relationship at 16? Really? I doubt anyone would take a couple of kids anyway to be fair.

DownstairsMixUp · 15/07/2017 21:42

I'm either anyfucker here. Give them a couple of years (18) then yes

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