DD15 wants to move out just after her birthday

[chocolateneededplease]

I'm not sure how to feel about this. My DD is 15, and will be 16 in July. Her boyfriend (19-yes I know) is applying for a apprenticeship and if he gets it he will be on £200 a month. This apprenticeship will be about 50 minutes drive away from my house. My DD will be starting college in September and she would qualify for the free college bus there and back and for EMA. She said she would get a part time job and with that and EMA, be able to afford everything needed.
I don't doubt she'd be able to look after herself, even now she's able to be left for the weekend and cook/clean/look after the dogs but it just seems awfully young. I overheard her on the phone to BF and was talking about meal planning and direct debits for bills in a separate account and bill buying and Lidl shops so she's obviously been thinking for this for a while (and I've rubbed off on her by the sounds of it ) I know it's legal for her to move out but it just doesn't sit right with me. What's your opinion?

I know my daughter, and in the problem we've had many problems with lying and unsuitable boyfriends. I'm just happy she's being open with me because otherwise if I told her to break up with him etc, they would just go behind my back.
My son is on 600pm and he's 16. He works part time as well as sixth form.

EMA still exists in Scotland, Wales and NI I think but it goes on parents income - so would she qualify?

What job does your son have?

Just read your updates, yes, does sound doable. She has to secure said part time job first though of course. Has she also taken into account the fact they will need to buy furniture etc? If she's really serious about this maybe talk to her and suggest staying with you for a year to save up for furniture etc. That way if she's still with her bf and still serious about moving out I'd support her. There's a chance she won't be with him by then though and she will have a nice amount of savings, win, win

Oh come on chocolate, how much is your income and outgoings each month? Surely you know yourself this is probably unaffordable

I know! I've mentioned that sort of thing to her and she's come back with her and bf have worked it out and will have enough. I'm tempted to get her to make me a spreadsheet or something to make her see how tight money wise it would be we're in Wales! So EMA it is. It goes off parental income or the income of her and whoever she lives with if not dependant on us.

Tell her your concerns calmly & non-judgementally (hard as that may be!) & then wish her well. Tell her you'll always welcome her home with open arms if ever the time comes - nothing much else you can do without creating a massive rift in your relationship with her.

What does her dad say?

well...
£800+
£120+
£600=
£1520

The cost of running my 3 bed house in the south east is only £1400 (rent and bills and food for me and my DH). That's not really the point though. She's not yet 16... Is this really going to last? How is her relationship with you in general? I got married at 19 but my parents were abusive. It's worked out for me but that's by no means the norm.

My son washes dishes at a big chain restaurant. I was surprised at how much he earns-who knows where it goes though! I think I'll suggest that, her staying for a year and saving up. I think the problem is with staying for her is that her boyfriend wouldn't be able to sleep at ours as she shares a room with her younger sister and bf lives 3 buses away so would be difficult for college when she starts

Our household income is approx £23000 pa. After bills and expenses there is not much left over. And our rent is only £460 pcm.

I'd let her get on with it - keep her bedroom free and see how she does!

The entire tenancy will rest on him - a child can't be credit checked, right to rent checked and so on. So he needs to pass all the checks alone.

A landlord that doesn't go into the details of all this isnt one he should rent from.

Keep her room. She will have no residence rights so he can kick her out at no notice.

Remember your own financial situation might suffer with her departure (Child Benefit, Tax Credits etc).

Hard but I'd just just wave her off with a fake smile plastered on my face. It's definitely doable on that income. My friend in school moved in with her bf when she was sixteen and they were together for a couple of years, they did break up in the end but I don't think it was a terrible experience for her.

Financially it's definitely possible. £700 is what our rent, gas, electric and council tax costs us -350 each. This is for a nicely decorated two bed terrace - we could get cheaper. We spend roughly £150 on food monthly. Obviously this would be her partners entire wages, but if she could earn 600 that is immediately disposable income.

It will be tight but it is certainly possible.

It's likely she will go with or without your blessing so personally I would support her. Let her know there is always room at home for her. This is important, because otherwise if it all goes badly wrong she may be reluctant to come home, and feel she has to stay to prove everyone wrong.

I suppose it is doable. I'll have a chat with her tomorrow about it all. I just feel likes she's so young, she's still my little girl! She's mature and I reckon she'd be okay running a house etc but she's still so young in some ways, she won't go to bed without saying goodnight to me and giving me a cuddle and still sleeps with her teddies! She growing up and I don't really like it!

Don't forget that even when she doesn't live at home she's still hot daughter! I'm so much closer to my mum as an adult, we visit each other and cook for each other, or go out for a coffee or lunch together. The next stage can be just as good as now.

I would also suggest she stay with you until they have saved enough at least to cover a deposit on the flat.
Yes, get them to do a detailed budget on all household income and expenditure.
Also be comforted by the fact that girls mature incredibly between the ages of sixteen and eighteen and she may have a different perspective on her boyfriend in another year or so.
Are they sleeping together now ? Have you got her sorted out with the most effective method of contraception ? You don't want a baby coming into this equation, do you ?

I am so surprised at the responses on this thread. There is no way on earth I'd let my just turned 16 year old move out. I'd outline calmly and rationally why not and explain how I want my 16 year old child to care about stuff other than covering bills and cleaning.
These are supposed to be carefree days and rushing to be grown up is not a good thing, in my opinion.

I would not want my just-turned-16 year old to leave home, support herself and live with someone while doing A levels.

And is her free college bus 50 mins each way? So nearly 2 hours travelling a day?

I'm with you MoreThanUs. I have a 15 year old son and there is no way I'd be going along with this, thank god he is more interested in computer games and mucking about with his mates than wanting to play house with girls. Your teenage years are meant to be fun and carefree, you have the rest of your life to scrimp and worry about work and bills and meal planning!

I too am surprised by the responses. I would be absolutely horrified if my 15 year old daughter was doing this and I would do everything I could to stop it. I'm generally quite laid back with my teenage daughter (14) but if she tried to move in with an older boyfriend at such a young age I would desperately try to talk her out of it. I think it's much too much emotionally and responsibility wise at such a young age. I want my daughter to stay young and carefree as long as possibly possible.

At 15/16 I was going to parties and dreaming of university and changing the world. The idea of living on my own or having that kind of serious relationship didn't even enter my head.

I would worry that this might be a life limiting choice. Does she want to go to uni or something else?

My son washes dishes at a big chain restaurant

So he does 150 hours a mth, assuming NMW? That's hardly a PT job, is it? Plus, if she can do thaton top of college, she'd be far better off living at home, saving the 600/month and using it for Uni.

Do you think she's just worried about losing the bf when he moves closer to his job? Is it worth having the "if it cant survive a 50 minute journey, will it survive at all?" chat.

My concern would be her compromising on her ambitions to make a teenage relationship last, when it probably wont anyway.

morethanus I moved out at 16, I was fine