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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds and his girlfriend

129 replies

Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 20:42

My ds is 18 and will be off to uni in the Autumn. He's in a long term relationship and the two of them are very happy. He asked if his gf (also 18) could 'stay over' after a party he hosted for his 18th, I'm uncomfortable thinking that he is having any sexual relations and quickly shut him down. Was this the right thing to do?

OP posts:
Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 20:45

At what point will it be acceptable for his partner to stay over do you think ?

Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 20:47

I dont knowBlush but I'm very much against him doing this type of thing. I told him that he couldn't do anything whilst he lived in our house.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 05/03/2017 20:48

Wow. Yabu

Ididtry · 05/03/2017 20:48

I wouldn't feel entirely comfortable about it, but I think I'd have to get over it and let them get on with it

Lilaclily · 05/03/2017 20:48

Tbh it's better in your house than somewhere else imo

Kewcumber · 05/03/2017 20:49

You can make whatever decisions you like about your adult child and his adult girlfriend.

If it bothers him he will just come home less and go/stay where they are able to sleep together.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 20:50

Against him doing what ? I mean he's an adult with a partner - would you really want him to never have a healthy sex life ? ( as ickly as that is being his mum) .

What if he doesn't move out until he's finished uni at 21 or older ? What if he gets married ? I do know people who have married at 21 and 23 respectively.

Shurleyshummishtake · 05/03/2017 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 05/03/2017 20:51

If you want him as a friend as well as a son you need to respect his choices.

sunshinesupermum · 05/03/2017 20:52

YABU

They are 18 years old and adults. It is legal. What have you against them having sex now? Sorry but you sound prudish and controlling.

Wouldn't you rather they were having safe sex in your house rather than somewhere else (if that's what they had planned at all).

What reason did you give him for 'shutting him down'?

Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 20:52

He also wants to go on a weekend away over the summer with her, something which I am also strongly against.

OP posts:
OnHold · 05/03/2017 20:53

Whatever you against him doing? Having sex?

I think that ship has prbably sailed.

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2017 20:54

'but I'm very much against him doing this type of thing'

What have sex when in a relationship? How is he ever going to have children?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 05/03/2017 20:54

If he came home engaged at 18 would you feel any happier?? He can leave home and marry if he wants to. .

Whisky2014 · 05/03/2017 20:54

Unless you're paying for it, it's not up to you.

MirandaWest · 05/03/2017 20:55

It's your choice whether or not they sleep together in your house. I'm not sure why you are against them having a weekend together, unless it is to do with them having sex. It is normal for people who are 18 and in a relationship to have sex.

sunshinesupermum · 05/03/2017 20:55

Jackson12 Why are you so against them going away for a weekend together? Are they paying for it themselves?

If so back off or you will lose him forever by wanting to control his adult life like this.

OnHold · 05/03/2017 20:55

It doesn't matter if you are against him going away with his GF. He doesn't need your permission.

garlicandsapphire · 05/03/2017 20:55

I'd be fine with it - I had sex with a boyfriend at that age and if they're in a relationship I wouldn't see anything wrong with it. To me sex is a natural part of a healthy happy life and at 18 I'd feel they're adult enough to make good choices.

ijustwannadance · 05/03/2017 20:55

You do know that they will have already had loads of sex, right? He's 18 ffs.

Original poster
Jackson12 · 05/03/2017 20:55

He approached me knowing that id be against it and had arguments saying that is was completely normal but I just told him no.

OP posts:
sunshinesupermum · 05/03/2017 20:56

It IS completely normal. Your son is right and you are just plain wrong.

Whisky2014 · 05/03/2017 20:56

Why?

BackforGood · 05/03/2017 20:56

I know it's uncomfortable to think of your ds and his gf having sex under your roof, but I'm afraid it's one of those things that happens. He's an adult. He's in a long term relationship, and, quite frankly, if he goes away in the Summer with her, it's none of your business.

Why are you so strongly against it ?

You do realise that they will be sleeping together once they go to university, don't you ?

WyfOfBathe · 05/03/2017 20:56

Yanbu to say that she can't stay over in your house if that's your rules (and agreed with his dad if relevant).

Yabu to forbid him from having sex - or from going for a weekend away in the summer when he's 18 and presumably moving away to go to uni in the autumn.